Seven ways to help a friend with anxiety

Anxiety disorders are incredibly common. According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, anxiety disorders affect 19% of adults and 32% of young people ages 13-18 in the United States. So if someone you care about is dealing with anxiety, they’re far from alone. 
Research also shows that these conditions are on the rise. The World Health Organization reported a 25% increase in anxiety and depression during the COVID-19 pandemic. While the worst of the pandemic is thought to be behind us, anxiety rates have not meaningfully gone down. So if a friend or loved one is living with anxiety, read on to learn the best ways to help them feel supported.

Understanding anxiety

If someone you care about has anxiety, it can be hard to know what they’re going through. Learning more about anxiety can help you respond with patience, empathy, and support.

It’s also helpful to know that worry and anxiety aren't always the same thing. Worry is a normal response to a stressful situation, like a job interview or an upcoming medical procedure. Anxiety can feel much stronger. It may last longer, happen more often, or show up even when there's no clear reason.

If anxiety starts affecting a person’s daily life, relationships, work, or school, it may be time to encourage professional support.

Common signs of anxiety include:

• Constant feelings of worry or a sense of dread

• Being easily startled and frequently feeling tense

• Chronic irritability and/or restlessness

• Fearing the worst-case scenario all the time

• Avoiding people, places, or things that could cause anxiety

• Being constantly on the lookout for potential danger

• Rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath

• Twitches, tremors, sweating

• Trouble falling or staying asleep

• Chronic fatigue

• Frequent headaches

• Stomach or digestive problems

• Frequent need to urinate

Seven ways to help someone with anxiety

If someone you care about is struggling with anxiety, you likely want to do something to help. But if you haven’t experienced serious anxiety yourself, you might be wondering what you can do to show support. You may even fear doing or saying something that could make your loved one feel worse. With a bit of forethought, there are some things you can do to help your loved one feel less alone.

1. If you notice that someone is having a hard time, check in

Some people worry that their loved one might not want to talk about their anxiety or that bringing it up could be uncomfortable. But it’s important to remember that living with anxiety, while incredibly common, can still be an isolating experience. Checking in is a simple way to show a person that you care and it can help them feel less alone.

If you’re not sure how to start the conversation, try using the ALEC model which stands for Ask, Listen, Encourage, and Check in.

• A = Ask open-ended questions about how they are and what’s been happening lately.

• L = Listen and give them your full attention while they speak.

• E = Encourage them to take action towards feeling better.

• C = Check in with them regularly after your chat.

2. Brainstorm solutions and offer tangible ways to help

The well-meaning question “What can I do to help?” can feel overwhelming to people who are already having a difficult time. So instead of asking the person to tell you what they need, listen intently and tackle some brainstorming yourself.

Come up with a short list of offers you think would make a difference based on what you’ve heard and observed from them. What simple tasks could you take off their plate? This could be an offer of transportation, a trip to the grocery store, an afternoon of childcare, or even just some company for a short walk.

3. Set boundaries and prioritize your own self-care

Watching a friend or loved one navigate anxiety can be a heart-wrenching experience. You hate to see them in pain and likely wish you could do something to ease their suffering. But to be a source of continued support, you also need to take care of yourself.

Self-care can take many forms so make time for whatever activities rejuvenate your mind, body, and spirit. By prioritizing your own mental health you’ll have more capacity to support your loved one in the future.

4. Learn how they want to be supported

Everyone experiences anxiety differently. Ask what helps when they’re feeling anxious instead of guessing what they need. Some people want to talk. Others may prefer quiet company or practical help.

5. Encourage professional support when needed

If anxiety is making it hard for your loved one to work, go to school, sleep, or enjoy daily life, it may be time to encourage professional support. You can offer to help them find a therapist, schedule an appointment, or learn more about treatment options. A primary care provider or mental health professional can help determine the best next steps.

6. Know when others may need to help

You don’t have to support your loved one on your own. Depending on the situation, other people may also be able to help, like a trusted family member, teacher, school counselor, healthcare provider, or therapist. Building a support system can help your loved one feel less alone.

7. Stay patient during the healing process

Recovery doesn’t happen overnight. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s OK. Let your loved one know you’ll continue to support them, even if progress feels slow.

Clinician’s take

Supporting someone with anxiety doesn’t mean taking responsibility for managing their anxiety. You can be patient, encouraging, and present while still setting boundaries and allowing them to build their own coping skills.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer

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