Five ways to cope with burnout when parenting a child with ADHD

Burnout can happen when a person feels overwhelmed and exhausted without enough resources to cope. Some people associate burnout with the workplace. But it can occur in families too. Research shows that parents and guardians of kids with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) might be at greater risk of burnout, especially if they work.

While any caregiver can feel drained from time to time, ADHD parent burnout is different. It’s more than just being tired, irritated, or needing a break. It’s an unmanageable accumulation of stress caused by their children’s behavior, inadequate support, and social stigma.

Burnout isn’t a sign of failure or that there’s something wrong with you or your child. In other words, it’s bigger than you, and it’s not your fault. It makes sense that you might feel burned out and have your patience tested if you have to be “on” 24/7 to support your child without ever having a break.

If any of this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone and help is available. Learning more about parental burnout can help you keep it at bay and know when to seek outside support.

1. Understand the causes

ADHD parent burnout stems from a unique combination of stressors. First, there’s the struggle to manage your child’s behavior. All kids try our patience once in a while. But parenting a child who constantly struggles to pay attention and regulate their behavior can be especially challenging.

Many parents and guardians of kids with ADHD don’t have adequate support. It isn’t always easy to access specialized providers or educational resources. It can also be hard to find suitable child care or babysitters for children with special needs. This can make it difficult to take a break and recharge.

Unfortunately, stigma can play a role in burnout too. Some people might mistakenly believe that your child’s misbehavior is purposeful or the result of laziness. These misunderstandings can make it even harder for both of you to access support.

2. Learn the signs

Our minds and bodies aren’t designed to handle constant stress. Over time, this can lead to a variety of uncomfortable physical and emotional symptoms. Burnout can manifest differently in different people. But learning to spot the signs in yourself can give you a chance to seek support.

Take a look at the following list of parental burnout signs and see what resonates:

• Feeling overwhelmingly exhausted (mentally, physically, or both)

• Frequent irritability

• Disrupted sleep

• Increased anxiety

• Low or depressed mood

• Wanting to distance yourself from your kid(s) to preserve your energy

• A loss of fulfillment in parenting or feeling trapped

• Feelings of shame or guilt because you’re not the parent you want to be right now

• Increased anger and less patience with your kid(s)

• Frequent rumination or constantly thinking about your parenting

3. Identify your triggers

Once you can spot the signs of burnout in yourself, the next step is to identify your triggers. Each family’s dynamics are unique. But some examples of real-life scenarios that may trigger burnout for parents include:

• Chaotic morning, after-school, or bedtime routines

• Arguments over homework, chores, or technology

• Repeated negative reports from your child’s school

• Arguments between siblings

• Hitting, kicking, or other unsafe behavior

• Being in a constantly noisy home environment

• Tight academic and extracurricular schedules without enough downtime

• Frequent redirecting of behavior

• Your child needing constant physical affection or attention

Knowing your triggers can help you manage them. But it can also give you insight into how to support your child.

For example, if your child is prone to after-school meltdowns, and that leads to a spike in your stress level, take some time to brainstorm solutions. You might consider making a visual after-school schedule to build a consistent routine. Or your child might need a “decompression” period and a snack before they can focus on homework or other home tasks.

Dig deeper:

• Coping with back-to-school stress as a parent

• Burnout and depression in single parents

4. Manage negative emotions

Burnout can lead to a sense of disconnect between yourself and your child. It’s hard to be the parent you want to be when you’re overwhelmed and exhausted. You might start to feel angry or resentful of your child, which can lead to feelings of shame or embarrassment. Just know that your feelings are valid, and it’s what you do with them that counts.

There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. It’s OK to feel frustrated and need a break. Remember, loving your child doesn’t mean you always have to love their behavior. Negative emotions are a part of parenting sometimes. So take a few moments to reflect on what you can do when they come up. What are some self-care activities you can incorporate into your day?

5. Ask for help

ADHD tends to run in families. So if your child has it, there’s a chance you might have it too. Many parents understandably focus on getting help for their child. They take steps to get their child tested and evaluated for ADHD so they can get the treatment they need. But part of managing burnout is ensuring you have support too.

A variety of therapies available for kids with ADHD can also help parents. You can explore options for individual therapy for yourself and your child. But you might benefit from family or couples counseling as well, depending on your situation.

Lastly, if you’re feeling isolated in your parenting journey, consider joining a support group either in person or online. Research shows that parenting support groups can reduce anxiety and stress for people whose children have ADHD.

Clinician’s take

Taking time for yourself isn’t stepping away from your child. Rather, it’s stepping toward being the parent you want to be. Rest and space aren’t signs of selfishness; they’re essential tools for staying patient, present, and emotionally available.

Ashley Ayala, LMFT

Clinical reviewer