Key Takeaways
- People often outgrow friendships because of life changes, shifting values, distance, or simply growing apart. Sometimes you may end a friendship because it feels unhealthy.
- You might choose to have a direct conversation to end the friendship. In other situations, you might create gradual distance.
- A therapist can help you clarify your reasons for ending a friendship, determine an approach that works best for you, and help you set boundaries in future friendships.
Deciding how to end a friendship is never easy — especially if it’s filled with good memories and trust. Sometimes two people grow, change, move away, or simply drift apart. In other situations, friendships can negatively impact your mental health. If a friendship feels one-sided, is emotionally draining, or filled with drama, it might be time to step away.
Choosing whether to distance yourself from a friend, completely end the connection, or letting the friendship fade depends on the situation.
Valid reasons for a friend breakup
If a friendship brings you more stress than support, it might be time to let it go. Healthy friendships should bring out the best in you, not make you question your worth or happiness.
Sometimes, friendship breakups can feel even harder than ending a romantic relationship. There isn’t as much guidance on how to end a friendship. But losing a close friend with so much shared history can be just as painful as ending a loving partnership.
Explore these types of friendships and why you may need to reconsider the relationship:
- Fair-weather friends: If your friend isn’t there for you during tough times or dismisses your feelings, the friendship may not be as balanced or supportive as it should be. Strong friendships that offer real support and companionship can help protect against anxiety and depression.
- Drama kings and queens: If a friendship is filled with conflict, gossip, or drama, it can be exhausting. Setting healthy boundaries and limiting time with drama-driven friends can help, but if the chaos never ends, it might be time to move on.
- Friends for a season or a reason: Major changes — like moving, changing careers, or lifestyle differences — can naturally create distance and end a friendship. Over time, shared experiences and interests may fade, making it harder to maintain closeness. When a friendship ends, it’s not always about conflict. Sometimes life takes people in different directions.
- Joy vampires: Abusive friendships are filled with constant negativity, manipulation, or disrespect. Left unaddressed, an abusive friendship can increase your risk of anxiety and depression.
- Conscience clashers: Differing political views that lead to constant conflict, disrespect, or a lack of understanding can take a toll on a friendship. When politics goes beyond policy and becomes about morals and values like empathy, equality, or respect, it can create a rift that’s hard to bridge.
- Bare minimum besties: If you’re always the one reaching out, making plans, or offering support, it creates an imbalance in which one person only gives and the other only takes. Over time, this can lead to feelings of resentment, frustration, and low self-worth for the person carrying the weight of the friendship.
- Bad influence buddies: If a friend encourages bad habits or unhealthy behaviors, it can impact your well-being, choices, and outlook on life. Friends who encourage harmful behaviors like overspending, substance use, or poor life choices can hold you back and drain your energy.
- Truth twisters: When a friend is a compulsive liar, breaks their promises, or betrays your confidence, it creates doubt and insecurity. Over time, this lack of trust can lead to constant second-guessing, anxiety, and stress. Ending a friendship with broken trust allows you to protect your well-being.
Signs you’re in a toxic friendship
When a friendship becomes toxic, it can bring us more stress than support. It might even trigger anxiety, headaches, or depression. If you’re feeling stressed or notice your boundaries being crossed, it might be time to reconsider the relationship.
Signs of a toxic friendship can include:
- Disrespect for boundaries
- Lack of empathy
- Frequent conflicts
- Unreliability
- Negativity
- Passive aggression
- Jealousy and competition
- Guilt-tripping
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Six tips for ending a friendship gracefully
Ending a friendship can be tough, but it doesn’t have to be confrontational or hurtful. You can be honest and kind with your words, expressing appreciation for the good times while also being clear about your need for space or change.
In some situations, gradually creating more distance can help ease the transition. This is different from ghosting, which is when you end contact without explanation. Ghosting often leaves the other person feeling rejected, confused, and questioning their worth.
Here are six tips to end a friendship gracefully:
- Use “I” statements. If you want to end the friendship with respect while leaving room for possible reconnecting, use “I” statements that focus on your feelings instead of placing blame. For example, you might say, “I’ve been feeling like we’ve grown apart lately, and I need some time to reflect.” This way, you express your perspective without attacking theirs, minimizing hurt feelings and keeping the door open if things change in the future.
- Make a clean break. Depending on the nature of the friendship, and if you feel safe to do so, you may choose to have a direct conversation. This can help you express your feelings and avoid creating room for confusion.
- Distance yourself. If you’re not ready to completely end the friendship, creating gradual distance is also an option. This means reducing the time and emotional energy you invest in the relationship. You might catch up occasionally, limit deep conversations, and prioritize other friendships that feel more balanced.
- Compartmentalize your friendship. This approach might work well if your friend is part of a larger social circle. You can still see them at group events, or work settings, but keep things casual. Avoid deep personal conversations and limit time together outside of specific settings. This way, you stay connected without feeling emotionally drained.
- Let it fade. If conversations feel forced and plans rarely happen, it might be time to let the friendship go. Gradually reducing contact by replying less frequently, being less available, and not initiating plans can be a peaceful way to close the chapter.
- Unfollow, if necessary. In the digital age, ending a friendship isn’t just about in-person goodbyes. It also means deciding whether to unfriend or unfollow online. If seeing their updates brings more stress than joy, it might be time to hit “unfollow”. It’s not about being petty but about protecting your peace.
What to expect when a friendship ends
The end of a friendship might bring a mix of emotions including sadness, relief, confusion, or guilt. It’s normal to grieve the end of your friendship, especially if the friendship was long-lasting or once held deep meaning. Over time, you might start to feel lighter and more at peace, especially if the relationship was unhealthy.
If you choose not to have a direct conversation, the relationship may simply fade through distance or silence. While this might feel easier in the moment, it can leave the other person confused or hurt, wondering what went wrong. It might also leave you with feelings of guilt or unresolved feelings.
Therapy offers a safe space to process feelings of loss, confusion, and guilt. A therapist can help you understand what led to the friendship’s end, work through unresolved emotions, and learn to set healthy boundaries in future friendships.
One common misconception is that friendships should last forever, and if they don’t, something big must have happened. In reality, friendships with certain people can ebb and flow depending on where you both are in your life journey.
Find care with Rula
Deciding whether to let a friendship drift away or address it directly can be challenging. Working with a therapist can help you decide which approach you’d like to take. Remember, ending a friendship because it’s unhealthy is an act of self-care, not betrayal.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
About the author
Linda Childers
Linda is an award-winning medical writer with experience writing for major media outlets, health companies, hospitals, and both consumer and trade print and digital outlets.
Her articles have appeared in the Washington Post, USA Today, WebMD, AARP, Brain+Life, HealthyWomen.org, The Rheumatologist, California Health Report, Everyday Health, HealthCentral, and many other media outlets.
While juggling the responsibilities of being part of the “sandwich generation” and caring for both her toddler son and terminally ill mother, a nurse friend encouraged her to seek therapy, which helped her to learn coping strategies and manage her depression. Linda hopes her work will help to destigmatize mental health conditions and encourage others to get the help they need.
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