Navigating love after an abusive relationship

A note to the reader: If you feel unsafe in your relationship for any reason, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by dialing 800-799-7233 for confidential support.

If you’ve ever been in an abusive relationship, you may wonder if you can get PTSD from a relationship. The answer is yes. Ongoing emotional, psychological, or physical abuse in a relationship can lead to trauma that affects your mental and physical health. 

For many people, this harm develops slowly over time. The abuse may happen repeatedly and gradually erode your sense of safety and well-being. In some cases, this can lead to relationship PTSD, a form of trauma that develops after harmful or abusive relationship experiences. Like traditional post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), relationship PTSD can have lasting effects without the right care and support.

What is relationship PTSD?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health disorder that’s triggered by experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. Common examples of traumatic events include serious accidents, natural disasters, bullying, terrorist acts, and war. When trauma is caused by an unhealthy or abusive relationship, it’s sometimes referred to as relationship PTSD, or post-traumatic relationship syndrome (PTRS).

Relationship PTSD usually stems from repeated exposure to abusive behavior from intimate partners. Examples of abuse in an intimate relationship include:

• Physical abuse: Direct physical harm or threats of physical harm, such as pushing, hitting, throwing objects, or physical restraint.

• Emotional abuse: Using emotions to control someone’s behavior. Examples of emotional abuse include gaslighting, insults, isolation, and guilt-tripping.

• Sexual abuse: Coercing someone to engage in sexual activity without their consent, such as unwanted kissing or touching, sexual assault, or rape.

• Technology abuse: Controlling or monitoring someone’s phone calls, messages, social media, or email accounts without their permission.

Is relationship PTSD the same as typical PTSD?

Relationship PTSD is considered to be a proposed subcategory of PTSD, but isn’t an official diagnosis in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5). In order to be diagnosed with PTSD, a person must experience symptoms in the following categories for at least one month:

• Re-experiencing symptom

• Avoidance symptom

• Arousal and reactivity symptoms

• Cognition and mood symptoms

People with relationship PTSD may experience many of these symptoms, but won’t have avoidance symptoms. In fact, folks with relationship PTSD often fixate on the relationship abuse and continue to experience intrusive thoughts and feelings related to the trauma.

Common signs and symptoms of relationship PTSD

Being in an abusive relationship can have long-lasting psychological and physical effects. For example, some research suggests that women who experienced domestic violence were more likely to describe themselves as sad, lonely, apathetic, or angry compared with those who didn’t experience domestic violence. People who experienced trauma or abuse may also experience flashbacks, intrusive thoughts, sleep problems, chronic fatigue, and changes in eating or sleeping habits.

When left untreated, relationship PTSD can also impact people’s daily lives. Trouble with relationships, work, or school may be signs that a person is struggling to manage their mental health symptoms.

Strained interpersonal relationships

People with a history of trauma or abuse may have trouble trusting others. After being abused by a partner, it’s normal to experience fear and anxiety about future relationships.

Dig deeper:

• Is past trauma behind your relationship apathy?

Career and academic consequences

Untreated trauma can also have implications for a person’s performance at work or school. When you’re struggling to focus or manage feelings of anxiety or depression, it can be difficult to sustain focus in these settings.

Physical health concerns

In addition to mental health consequences, exposure to trauma can affect people’s physical health. Exposure to stressful situations has been linked to cardiovascular issues and digestive problems, as well as insomnia, nightmares, and other problems with sleep.

Learning to receive love after trauma

Recovering from relationship PTSD can be challenging, but access to the right resources and support can help people heal and build healthier lives.

1. Seek professional help

Living with trauma often feels overwhelming or hopeless, but working with a mental health professional can help people process emotions, develop coping methods, and build healthier relationships.

Treatment varies from person to person, but therapists will often use talk therapy to overcome trauma. Common therapy practices for trauma include cognitive behavior therapy, exposure therapy, and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). For those who need additional support, medication management may be an effective option for managing symptoms of PTSD and other types of trauma.

It’s worth noting that visiting a therapist’s office may be challenging for some people living with trauma. For those who aren’t comfortable with in-person care or lack local treatment options, telehealth is a safe and convenient way to access the benefits of care.

There are also organizations dedicated to supporting individuals who have experienced relationship abuse, such as:

• National Domestic Violence Hotline

• Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network (RAINN)

• Love is Respect

2. Self-help strategies

There are various self-care strategies to help people who have experienced trauma or abuse. The key is finding one that empowers you to overcome past trauma and find peace.

• Engaging in mindfulness and relaxation techniques: Mindfulness means being in the present moment. It encourages people to remain focused and aware of the present while increasing their ability to cope with difficult emotions. Practices like meditation, deep breathing, or body scans may help calm your nervous system and reduce stress.

• Journaling: Journaling is an example of a self-reflection practice that allows for introspection and personal growth. Not sure where to start? Document your short-term and long-term goals, positive affirmations, or one thing that you’re grateful for each day. And for those who are artistic, journaling is a great way to express yourself through poems, drawings, or collage.

• Building a support system: Trauma and abuse can be extremely isolating, and surrounding yourself with good people is an important part of recovery. A support system is a network of people who you can rely on for emotional and practical support. This can be family, friends, co-workers, support groups, or anyone that you trust to be non-judgmental and empathetic.

• Grounding techniques: Trauma can sometimes trigger overwhelming emotions or flashbacks. Grounding techniques can help bring your attention back to the present moment. For example, you might try noticing five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

• Setting healthy boundaries: Learning to set boundaries can help restore a sense of safety and control. This might include limiting contact with harmful people or clearly communicating your needs in relationships.

3. Lifestyle changes

Making small changes to your daily habits can help reduce trauma symptoms and improve overall quality of life. Examples of lifestyle changes that have a positive impact on your mental health include regular exercise, a nutritious diet, an adequate amount of sleep each night, and limiting alcohol use.

Clinician’s take

People who have experienced abuse often carry understandable fears into future relationships. With time, support, and healthy boundaries, many people are able to rediscover what safe and supportive love can look like.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer

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