Signs of emotional abuse from parents and how to heal

Child abuse is a serious, but common, problem in the U.S., with at least 1 in 7 children experiencing abuse or neglect within the past year. Unfortunately, the person responsible for child abuse is often someone the child knows and trusts. This could be a parent, caregiver, or other relative. 

Any type of abuse can affect a child’s health and quality of life, but emotional abuse may be particularly damaging to their self-worth and emotional well-being. One estimate suggests that approximately 18% of adults report being emotionally abused as a child. Learning how to recognize the signs of emotional abuse from parents can help you get started on the path to healing.

What is emotional abuse?

Emotional abuse, also called psychological abuse, involves behaviors that harm a person’s sense of self-worth, security, and emotional well-being. With emotional abuse, parents or caregivers will purposely find ways to manipulate and control a child’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. 

Some emotional abuse is easy to spot, like criticizing or embarrassing a child in public. But emotional abuse can also include less obvious behaviors, like placing unrealistic expectations or unreasonable demands on a child. Emotional abuse can happen on its own or be accompanied by other types of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs), like physical abuse, sexual abuse, and neglect. 

Five types of emotional abuse

Emotional abuse can take many forms, but here are some examples of emotional abuse from parents or caregivers.

1. Verbal assault: Threatening a child, calling them names, or yelling and swearing at them
2. Neglect: Rejecting or dismissing a child’s feelings 
3. Manipulation and coercion: Purposely withholding love, support, and guidance from a child
4. Control tactics: Gaslighting (making them question their reality) or using the silent treatment to control a child’s behavior 
5. Public humiliation: Ridiculing or shaming a child in public

Signs of emotional abuse

Recognizing the signs of emotional abuse is one of the first steps in helping people distance themselves from unhealthy relationships and begin the healing process. 

Here are some of the leading signs that someone may have experienced emotional abuse from a parent or caregiver. 

Signs of emotional abuse in children: 

• Appearing withdrawn, depressed, or apathetic 
• Lack of confidence and self-esteem
• Trouble developing emotional bonds with other people 
• Decrease in school performance or lack of interest in school
• Anxieties, phobias, or sleep disorders
• Delayed or inappropriate emotional development

Signs of emotional abuse in adults: 

• Low self-esteem 
• Feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and worthlessness
• Insecure attachment styles
• Trouble expressing emotions 
• Trouble forming meaningful relationships 

How to spot an emotionally abusive caregiver

Identifying emotional abuse in children isn’t always easy, so it’s important to know how to recognize potential signs that someone is being abusive. 

For example, a caregiver may be emotionally abusing a child if they: 

• Constantly blame, belittle, or berate the child
• Make unreasonable or impossible demands without considering what is age appropriate for the child
• Overtly reject or dismiss the child 
• Use negative language to describe the child
• Consistently prioritize their own needs before the child’s 
• Have poor anger management or emotional self-regulation skills

Long-term effects of emotional abuse from parents

Emotional abuse can have long-term consequences for people’s mental, emotional, and even physical health.

Research links emotional abuse to an increased risk of mental health conditions, like mood disorders, anxiety disorders, personality disorders, and substance use disorders. It can contribute to suicidal ideation and risk of suicide. It can also lead to an increased risk of chronic pain, like headaches or back pain. 

Emotional abuse can impact the way people view themselves, leading to feelings of self-doubt, shame, and low self-esteem. Plus, emotional abuse can impact your brain by reducing self-awareness, empathy, and emotional understanding. 

Emotional abuse can also affect your ability to form healthy and meaningful relationships as an adult. Some research suggests that early emotional abuse can lead to anxious or avoidant attachment styles, which can make it difficult to trust other people, manage conflict, set healthy boundaries, and understand emotional cues with romantic partners. 

How to heal from emotionally abusive parents

Healing from abuse is a painful process, especially when it involves an adult who should be a trusted presence in your life. The process looks different for everyone, but many people benefit from a combination of therapy, self-care, and social support. 

• Talk therapy: Talk therapy can help people acknowledge their past, process their pain, and develop healthy coping strategies. Therapy techniques used to manage trauma and abuse include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR).
• Self-care: Remind yourself that you’re worthy of love and respect by practicing regular self-care. Prioritize rituals that keep your mind and body strong, like getting enough sleep, moving your body, and practicing gratitude.
• Social support: Experiencing emotional abuse can be extremely isolating, even years after the abuse occurred, but it’s important to remember that you’re not alone. Lean on trusted family and friends for support, or consider joining an online or in-person support group to connect with others who have similar stories and experiences. 

Find care with Rula

Emotional trauma isn’t always as easy to identify as physical trauma. But when left untreated, it can have lasting consequences for your mental health and quality of life. The good news is that working with a mental health professional is an effective way to manage symptoms and heal from childhood trauma.

At Rula, we’re here to make it easier to access trauma-informed care to help you feel your best. Using our simple therapist-matching tool, you can find a therapist who takes your insurance and can meet with you as soon as this week. 

Find care with Rula