Vulnerability means sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with another person so they can see who you really are.
Being vulnerable with others can feel challenging, but it’s a strong building block for emotional connection.
Therapy can be a helpful outlet to strengthen vulnerability and improve your mental health in other ways.
Vulnerability can mean being open and honest about yourself with another person. In doing so, you may hope the other person responds with warmth, understanding, and even something about themselves. Therapy can be a safe place to be vulnerable and feel supported. Even so, showing vulnerability in therapy can be hard.
Divulging details about your life to a therapist can feel risky. You may be weary about opening up and being “seen,” especially with a stranger. But therapists are trained to respond with empathy and nonjudgment. There are therapist-patient confidentiality factors in place so you can feel safe sharing your thoughts and experiences with them and knowing that what you say won’t leave the session.
Making progress in therapy usually requires vulnerability on your part. Discovering what may be getting in your way and learning practices to be vulnerable can make mental health treatment more effective.
Why some people avoid vulnerability in therapy
Vulnerability can help people heal from trauma and create emotional intimacy. But past negative experiences or insecurities can hold you back from sharing your authentic self with others.
While a therapist-client relationship is different from other intimate relationships, it still thrives on vulnerability. Uncovering why this kind of intimacy is hard can help you understand yourself better and reach your goals in therapy.
You might be afraid of vulnerability in therapy because of:
Past trauma: Often, trauma acts as a warning so people don’t get hurt again. But always being on alert so you avoid potential trauma can keep you from healing.
Limited vulnerability as a child: People often learn how to act from their parents or caregivers. When children don’t see vulnerability growing up, it can be hard to pick up later in life. Additionally, If your parents or caregivers dismissed or even discouraged vulnerability, you may have a negative view of it.
Surface-level relationships: It can be hard to be vulnerable if you’re not used to talking about your emotions with loved ones. Similarly, it may feel strange to be open with a therapist whom you just met.
Exhaustion: It can take a toll if you’re always emotionally open in your relationships. In therapy, it may feel easier to talk about lighter topics.
The care you need, when you need it
Learn how Rula can support your mental health journey
How therapy encourages vulnerability
It’s important to remember that it’s a therapist’s job to encourage emotional openness with their clients. But if it’s hard for you to start, share your concerns with your therapist. They can help you feel more at ease by starting with more comfortable topics until a relationship is built.
A therapist might also gently nudge you so you can safely go outside of your comfort zone. They might say something like, “I sense some shame around that. Would you like to touch on that more?”
Benefits of being vulnerable with your therapist
It can be easier to be vulnerable in situations with trusted loved ones. Even in the safety of therapy sessions, vulnerability can feel daunting. But there are many advantages to opening up to your therapist.
Being less inhibited in therapy can help you:
Invest in your personal growth: Therapy is a place to practice personal growth, which often includes strengthening vulnerability. Consider telling your therapist you want to be more vulnerable so they can help you along the way.
Improve your vulnerability outside therapy: Practicing vulnerability in therapy can spill into your everyday life. You might find yourself being more open with friends and family.
Increase your trust: Receiving support and empathy when sharing something sensitive about yourself can help you realize you can trust your therapist — and other people too.
Improve your self-awareness: Your therapist can act as a sounding board for thoughts and emotions you might not want to share elsewhere. This process can also help you figure out what’s made you feel this way.
Decrease your anxiety: Keeping uncomfortable thoughts and feelings to yourself can make you more anxious. Sharing them can help normalize your fears.
Steps to take to be more open with your therapist
If you have mutual collaboration and partnership with your therapist, you’re more likely to have stronger therapeutic outcomes, like reaching your mental health goals. You can usually trust your gut regarding whether a therapist is right for you. But if you don’t know where to start, that’s OK. Consider how their personality, therapeutic approach, feedback style, and empathy level feels for you over a few sessions.
But even with a compatible match, it still might feel risky to say what’s on your mind. That’s understandable. It can feel scary to divulge your innermost thoughts and experiences.
If you want to be more vulnerable with your therapist, try:
Divulging the small stuff first: Open up about smaller and less vulnerable things, and see how your therapist responds. If you feel good, you can share bigger and more sensitive truths.
Reminding yourself that you’re safe: It’s OK if vulnerability doesn’t come naturally to you. To combat this instinct, it might help to tell yourself, “This is a professional who knows how to be confidential and isn’t here to judge me.”
Practicing beforehand: Thinking about what you’ll say and even writing it down can make therapy feel less intimidating. Preparation can also keep you going if challenging emotions intervene.
Bringing a comforting object: Grounding yourself during therapy with something that’s familiar and comforting can help cultivate a trusting environment. This might be a photo of your best friend or your favorite stuffed animal from childhood.
Is therapy still helpful without vulnerability?
If you still can’t bring yourself to be vulnerable in therapy, that’s OK. There can be legitimate reasons why it may be difficult to let your guard down. Know that therapy can still be worth it even if you can’t be as vulnerable as you’d like.
A therapist can provide a space that is non judgemental and safe, no matter the topic. By attending sessions, you’re building trust with them and creating a foundation to be more open if you choose to.
It might also help to directly say that you struggle to be vulnerable. Just saying this out loud can help take a load off of your shoulders. And, at the very least, your therapist can help you reflect on why this might be challenging for you.
One small step is to name the hesitation itself. Simply saying, ‘I’m not sure how to talk about this,’ can be a powerful way to break the ice and open the door to deeper conversations at a comfortable pace.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
Find care with Rula
Being vulnerable can be hard, whether it’s with a trusted friend or a therapist you’ve seen for years. Uncovering why you might avoid vulnerability in therapy and how you can take steps to open up can drastically improve your mental health.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Siobhan Neela-Stock
Siobhan Neela-Stock is a writer and journalist who focuses on health, particularly mental health. She earned her master's in journalism from Northwestern University in 2018 and worked at Mashable for over two years where she focused on social good reporting.
Her writing has appeared in the New York Times, SELF, Fortune, Verywell Health, among other publications. Neela-Stock also teaches writing and journalism at several universities.
She enjoys traveling, dancing, playing dodgeball, and spending time with her loved ones.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
Rula's editorial process
Rula's editorial team is on a mission to make science-backed mental health insights accessible and practical for every person seeking to better understand or improve mental wellness.
Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
