Having ADHD doesn’t automatically make a person fear commitment. However, ADHD can cause increased impulsivity and novelty-seeking behavior — like constantly looking for new and exciting experiences — which may create challenges in relationships.
Novelty-seeking behaviors in a person diagnosed with ADHD are often the result of differences in brain chemistry. It isn’t a conscious choice, character flaw, or inability to commit.
Many people with ADHD have stable, loving, relationships. But if you or someone you care about is struggling with novelty seeking related to ADHD, know that effective treatment is available.
Some of the symptoms of attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can have an effect on relationships which sometimes leads to the myth of “ADHD commitment issues.” But people living with ADHD aren’t inherently afraid of commitment. This stereotype can create stigma and misunderstanding.
Challenges in long-term relationships often stem from how the ADHD brain is wired, not from a lack of care or character. For example, “novelty seeking ADHD” describes the tendency to crave newness and stimulation, which can sometimes impact relationships. You might know someone with ADHD who goes “all in” on a new passion or connection, only to quickly shift their focus to something else.
This novelty-seeking behavior comes from differences in the brain’s reward and decision-making systems, not from an unwillingness to build lasting bonds. With the right support and strategies, people with ADHD can manage these impulses and sustain healthy, long-term relationships.
Why ADHD can cause commitment issues
People from all walks of life can have trouble finding long-term partners. But having ADHD doesn’t make a person fear commitment more than anyone else. In fact, the opposite might be true. According to Lolly, LMFT and Rula’s clinical quality manager, “many people with ADHD crave structured, predictable routines, environments, and relationships.”
However, people with ADHD also tend to thrive on novelty. Exposure to something new releases a brain chemical called dopamine, which creates feelings of pleasure and reward. Because people with ADHD may have lower baseline dopamine levels, they may be more driven to seek out stimulating or exciting experiences — sometimes acting on impulse in the moment. This can include jumping quickly into new romantic relationships or shifting focus when the novelty wears off.
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How ADHD and the brain’s need for novelty can affect your life
Having a dopamine deficiency can make it difficult for people with ADHD to stay engaged with routine or challenging tasks, relationships, and experiences. Sometimes, this can lead to novelty-seeking behaviors. Without awareness, these impulses can be difficult to manage.
For example, if you’re a person living with untreated ADHD, you may experience situations like the following:
Career: After working the same job for five months and getting great feedback from your boss, you abruptly quit. You felt bored doing the same set of tasks each day, even though you did them well.
Hobbies: You spent a large amount of time and money on a new hobby, baking. At first, you fell in love with the process of collecting ingredients and learning the science of creating tasty treats. But after a burst of excitement, you’re no longer interested.
Relationships: You’ve been on several dates with someone new. You really like spending time with them, and they seem great. After your last date, though, you wonder if you’re already getting stuck in a rut, and you start to question your future with this person.
Remember, dopamine helps you stay focused, motivated, and interested. Not having enough of it can make it difficult to stick to things, even when you have the deepest desire to do so. This can result in a continued cycle of novelty seeking that can take a toll on a person’s mental health and self-esteem.
Four ways to work on commitment issues
Anyone can improve their ability to stay engaged in their relationships, whether they have ADHD or not. If you’d like to reduce your tendency toward novelty seeking and work to embrace commitment, the following tips can help.
Start with self-awareness. The first step in changing a behavior is acknowledging that it exists. If you suspect that your desire for novelty is impacting your relationships, make some time to reflect. Pay close attention to any patterns you notice and what tends to make your novelty-seeking behavior improve or worsen.
Use positive self-talk. When you feel the urge to switch gears impulsively, take a moment to acknowledge what’s happening.. Use kind and encouraging words to affirm your desires and values, and tell yourself that you have the power to determine your behaviors.
Communicate with others. If you know you get bored easily, talk to the people this could impact. For example, tell your boss that you do your best work if you have a new project every few months. Or let a new dating partner know that you’d really enjoy exploring new activities together instead of doing the same things on repeat.
Ask for help. Working with a therapist who specializes in ADHD can help you learn to manage your impulsivity and better understand the source of your novelty-seeking behavior. This can help you strengthen your relationship with yourself and others.
Can therapy help people with ADHD and commitment issues?
Commitment issues aren’t a recognized symptom of ADHD. But by treating ADHD more broadly, people can manage the impulsivity and novelty-seeking behaviors that often accompany this diagnosis and may lead to commitment concerns.
Evidence shows that ADHD is best treated with a combination of medication and therapies, like:
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT): This form of therapy fosters self-awareness, acceptance of thoughts and behaviors, and commitment to positive behavior change.
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT is used to help people identify and interrupt unhelpful cognitive and behavioral patterns.
Mindfulness-based therapy: Mindfulness activities, like meditation, can help people regulate their emotions, increase self-awareness, and improve focus.
For many clients with ADHD, commitment can feel like losing the spark of something new — not because they don’t care, but because their brains crave novelty. With support, they can learn to nurture excitement even in steady paths.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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ADHD is known to cause problems with focus and impulse control. It can also create a tendency to seek novelty because of how it impacts brain chemistry. But this doesn’t mean that people with ADHD are inherently afraid of commitment. They actually often crave stability, even if they struggle to achieve it. If you have ADHD and you want to improve your ability to stay engaged in important relationships, know that help is available.
At Rula, we work with an extensive network of therapists who specialize in treating conditions like ADHD. If you need support for ADHD or any other mental health condition, check out our therapist-matching program today. In just a few clicks, you can find a provider who takes your insurance and make your first appointment as soon as tomorrow.
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Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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