Autism can affect how a person experiences their sexuality and approaches sexual activity.
Autism symptoms — like communication differences, sensory sensitivities, and restricted interests — may influence a person’s sexual expression and preferences.
Self-awareness and clear communication are essential in creating safe, enjoyable sexual experiences for autistic people.
Autism spectrum disorder (ASD), or autism, is a neurodevelopmental condition and a form of neurodivergence. Its most common symptoms include communication challenges, highly specific interests, and repetitive behavior. For some people, it can also involve sensory sensitivities. These symptoms can affect how a person views their sexual identity and experiences intimacy.
Just like everyone else, autistic people have individual sexual interests. But because of the unique way their brains are wired, they may have specific needs. For example, they may prefer certain types of touch, direct communication, or a consistent routine around sex.
Exploring the topic of autism and sex can help you better understand yourself and have the fulfilling experiences you deserve.
How people with autism may experience sex
Autistic people may experience sex in unique ways, depending on their symptoms. For example:
Communication differences: Autism may make it more challenging to pick up on subtle cues. It may also make it harder to speak up about your needs or notice others’ preferences — especially in the moment.
How this might show up: Jay’s partner tilts their head to the side as they lean in for an embrace. But Jay doesn’t realize that this means their partner wants them to kiss their neck. He has a hard time reading body language.
Sensory sensitivity: Certain sensations or types of touch can feel overwhelming or uncomfortable for some autistic people. They may also need a specific environment for sex to feel safe and enjoyable (like a place with soft lighting or minimal sounds).
How this might show up: When Alec stays at his boyfriend’s house, he has a hard time relaxing. The lights in his bedroom are super bright, and the sheets are scratchy against his skin. This causes him to lose interest in sex because he feels emotionally overwhelmed.
Focused interests: Some autistic people have a strong interest in certain activities or routines. So it might be harder for an autistic person to adapt to their partner’s needs or preferences.
How this might show up: Tate has a few favorite sexual activities that they really enjoy. They have trouble being accommodating when their partner suggests trying new things. They feel anxious about anything that feels unfamiliar.
Repetitive behaviors: Autistic people often find comfort in routines and predictability. This may impact sexual spontaneity and lead to a desire for repeated behaviors.
How this might show up: Tana can’t have sex unless she can do her usual routine. She has to change the bedding, turn on a specific playlist, and dim the lights before she can feel comfortable being intimate.
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Rethinking sex through a neurodivergent lens
To better understand how autism can affect sexuality, we need to remember that autism exists on a spectrum. No two autistic people are exactly alike. When it comes to sex, each person has unique preferences. But there are some important themes to consider as you view sex through a neurodivergent lens.In the past, it was incorrectly believed that autistic people had a lower interest in sex or romantic relationships than neurotypical people. But research shows that isn’t true. In 2021, the largest study on the sexual activity, orientation, and health of autistic adults was published.
Here are a few key points the study revealed revealed:
Autistic people are less likely to identify as heterosexual. They’re more likely to identify as queer or asexual or to have other diverse sexual orientations.
Autistic people may have less access to quality sex education. This means they may have less information about sex due to factors like communication differences and lack of tailored resources.
Autistic people — especially those assigned female at birth — are at greater risk for unwanted sexual experiences and sexual victimization.
These findings may or may not apply to you or an autistic person in your life. But it’s important to acknowledge them. This awareness can help you create safe, affirming sexual experiences for yourself and your partners.
Owning your sexual experience with autism
Unlike what’s often depicted in media, great sex doesn’t usually happen automatically. It often takes time, communication, and a bit of trial and error. One thing you can do to facilitate this process is to reflect on your sexuality and share what you discover with your partners.
You can ask yourself (and your partner) questions like:
“Is there anything you like to do before sex to help you relax and get into the mood? Do you have a preferred routine?”
“What are your sensory preferences related to sex? How do you like to be touched? How do you not like to be touched?”
“What about the environment? Do you have preferences related to lighting, sound, music, scents, bedding, or visuals?”
“How do you like to communicate about sex? Can you speak up in the moment if something doesn’t feel good? Would it be helpful to write some things down ahead of time? What about using something like a hand signal or code word?”
“What helps you feel the most relaxed, cared for, and safe? What are your emotional needs around sex?”
“How do you approach sexual exploration? Do you prefer to stick to the same types of activities and settings?”
Self-reflection and intentional communication can go a long way in cultivating positive sexual experiences for neurodivergent people. But if you need additional support, talking to a therapist can help. There are providers who specialize in working with neurodivergent people. They can help you deepen your self-awareness and practice communicating with partners so you can have enjoyable sexual experiences.
It’s important to know that your needs and boundaries are valid and deserve respect. Finding your own way to express what feels right takes time, and that’s perfectly OK. You deserve to feel heard and understood.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Autism is a form of neurodiversity that can influence how someone experiences sex. It can involve differences related to communication, sensory sensitivities, repetitive behavior, and rigid interests. Raising awareness about these differences can help autistic people have more satisfying sexual experiences.
If you need support navigating this process, you’re not alone. A neurodivergent-friendly therapist can help you explore your sexuality, practice clear communication, and advocate for yourself with your partner(s).
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
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Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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