The hidden cost of caring for everyone else

You might consider yourself a caring person or know a friend who drops everything to be there for their loved ones. This is an admirable quality, but it can take a toll. Caregiver burnout happens when someone overextends themselves to care for others. 

It can be challenging to balance caring for others and your own well-being. A therapist can help you figure out your boundaries and how to lovingly enforce them with the people in your life.  

Subtle symptoms of caregiver burnout

If you’ve been in a caregiver role for a long time, it can be difficult to spot the symptoms of caregiver burnout. But it’s important to be aware of these symptoms so you know when to ask for help.

Some common signs of caregiver burnout include:

• Emotional exhaustion

• Physical exhaustion

• Loss of energy

• Feeling hopeless

• Withdrawal from loved ones

• Changes in sleep, appetite, or weight

• Getting sick more often

• Loss of interest in hobbies

• Unable to concentrate 

• Irritation and frustration with others

Some more subtle signs might be harder to catch. They can include feeling disconnected from yourself, working harder, and feeling less accomplished.

Caregiver burnout also exists on a spectrum. There are different tipping points depending on your unique situation. But if you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts* due to caregiver burnout, it’s important to reach out for professional support.

You could also be experiencing compassion fatigue. The difference is subtle but important. Compassion fatigue is when a professional works for a long time with someone who’s traumatized. With compassion fatigue, you may inadvertently begin to experience symptoms such as headaches and digestive problems. It can also impact your emotions resulting in mood swings, restlessness, irritability, and oversensitivity. That said, these two experiences can overlap. 

Talking about your experiences with a therapist can help you understand what’s driving your feelings of burnout and develop healthy coping strategies.

*The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline provides 24/7, confidential support with trained crisis counselors. If you or a loved one is in emotional distress or a suicidal crisis, please call or text 988. If you’re experiencing a life-threatening emergency or you need immediate help, please call 911.

Contributing factors to caregiver overwhelm

You might be wondering why some people experience caregiver burnout and others don’t. Certain factors can lead to caregiver burnout. For example, if you don’t have a good support system, you may be more at risk of experiencing burnout. Leaning on others for emotional support and even asking for help can reduce the mental and physical load caregivers often carry.

Some research also suggests that women who are caregivers have more responsibility, and women are more likely to be in this role than men. Noticing these differences is important, as it highlights the gendered expectations and social pressures that can contribute to increased stress, burnout, and mental health challenges among women. Though, more studies are needed. 

If you’re juggling multiple roles, like also being a parent, you may also be more prone to caregiver burnout. For example, you might be taking care of your parents and your children at the same time. This can be exhausting, and it doesn’t leave much time for self-care. 

Similarly, if the people in your life trauma dump on you and you’re also a caregiver, this can leave you emotionally exhausted. This kind of emotional labor is common for people in customer service jobs or teachers and usually falls more on women, queer people, and people of color.

The emotional toll of caring for others

Caregiver burnout is a common experience and affects more than 60% of caregivers. It can impact caregivers in different ways.  

If you’re a parent and a caretaker of others, you might have added responsibilities on your plate. And if you’re the person usually providing emotional support, you can feel more drained and need more alone time.

Family caregiver burnout among siblings also exists. One child may feel like they have to take on more than their siblings. This might make them feel responsible but also feel resentment for their siblings. 

Burnout among healthcare workers is also common. For example, 1 in 3 physicians experience caregiver burnout. Women physicians usually report more burnout than their male counterparts. 

Unfortunately, death is often part of what many caregivers experience. It can be challenging to experience loss while taking on the role of caregiver. Try to remember that any feeling you might have afterward is OK. You may feel guilt, sadness, anger, or even peace. And if any of these feelings become overwhelming, reaching out for professional support can help.   

Healthy ways to overcome caregiver stress

Recovering from caregiver burnout depends on the person and their circumstances. Some factors to consider are what caused the burnout, how long the burnout lasted, if a support system exists, and if you can take a break from the situation. But what can help cut down on your recovery time is incorporating healthy strategies. 

Here’s what to try to manage your caregiver burnout:

Try to prevent caregiver burnout

Before accepting a caregiver job, including stepping in to care for a family member, try to get a sense of what work-life balance is like or if it even exists. You could try talking to former employees to get an idea, speaking to others who are in informal caregiving roles, and researching how to incorporate balance. 

If you do take the job, learn how to delegate tasks that you don’t need to do. Asking for help can encourage you to internalize that you don’t have to do everything on your own.

Set healthy boundaries

If you’re a caregiver for a loved one, it can be easy to neglect your own needs. By setting healthy boundaries, you can address your responsibilities in a way that also creates space for you to decompress. 

It can be difficult to start this process, and you may feel guilty when setting boundaries at first. But with time and practice, you can honor your boundaries and still show up for others.

Ask for help

Asking for help might make you feel weak or vulnerable. But it actually helps push back on the potential for caregiver burnout. You can start out small by trying to incorporate more breaks into caregiving. 

Whether it’s your spouse, family, member, or colleague, try to distribute the responsibilities where you can. This can help you work up to bigger requests and help you become more comfortable with asking for help. 

You can also learn how to say yes more. Many people may offer help, but it can be hard to accept it. Practice saying yes when others offer something that could be helpful to you.

Learn when to step back as a caregiver

If you regularly feel any of the symptoms of caregiver burnout, it may be time to take a step back. This might look like reducing your hours, not taking on as much of an emotional burden, hiring help, or even completely leaving your role. It can take a long time to bounce back from caregiver burnout, and stopping it in its tracks is the best thing you can do. 

Consider therapy and/or psychiatry

If you’re experiencing caregiver burnout, it’s essential to lean on others. This might be your loved ones or a mental healthcare provider. Your inner circle can provide you with support, but if these feelings are overwhelming, talking to a therapist or a psychiatrist can help.

Clinician's take

Taking care of yourself is part of being a strong, sustainable caregiver. When you rest, refill, or take time to meet your own emotional needs, you’re preserving your capacity to show up with patience, warmth, and presence for others.

Ashley Ayala, LMFT

Clinical reviewer

Find care with Rula

Caregivers have a lot to juggle, and this can come at the expense of their own mental health. If this sounds familiar, you may be experiencing caregiver burnout. But you don’t have to manage it alone. 

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.