Falling fast? Six tips for setting boundaries in a new relationship

When you’re dating someone new, it’s easy to get swept up in the excitement. You might find yourself texting nonstop, imagining the future, or spending every spare moment together. But knowing how to set boundaries in early dating can help you slow down, stay grounded, and build a healthy connection — without losing yourself in the process.

So what does it really mean to have healthy boundaries in a new relationship? It means tuning into what you’re comfortable with, speaking up about your needs, and making sure there’s room for both of you to grow — together and as individuals. Whether things are moving fast or just starting out, boundaries can help you stay connected to yourself.

1. Know what feels right for you

Before you set boundaries with someone else, it’s important to check in with yourself. Take a moment to tune in — emotionally and physically. Try asking yourself:

• What feels good to me right now?
• What makes me feel uncomfortable or unsure?
• What am I ready for, and what do I want to take slow?

Boundaries are the limits you set to protect your emotional and physical well-being. They help define what’s OK and what’s not OK in your relationships. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you’re pushing someone away. It means you’re showing up for yourself with honesty and respect.

This is especially important if you met someone through a dating app or online. These connections can move quickly. You might go from messaging to making plans within days. If something makes you feel anxious, drained, or off, that might be a sign to pause and set a boundary. For example, you might decide you’re not ready for physical intimacy yet or that you’d prefer to keep some things about yourself private until you feel more secure.

Everyone’s boundaries look a little different, and yours might change over time. Give yourself permission to be honest about what you need, even if it feels a little scary at first. You deserve to feel safe, respected, and in control of your own pace.

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2. Don’t wait to bring up your boundaries

It’s important to speak up about your boundaries early in a relationship so you don’t find yourself feeling overwhelmed or uncomfortable later.

• Speak up early. If something doesn’t feel right — even if it’s small — address it early. Waiting to bring things up can make it harder down the road.
• Don’t overthink it. You don’t need a “perfect” moment. Just be honest and direct when you notice something feels off.
• Use “I” statements. Framing your boundaries in terms of your feelings and needs can help reduce defensiveness and keep communication clear.
• Plan what to say. Try phrases like:
  • “I feel more comfortable taking things slow while we get to know each other.”
  • “I’m not ready for that yet. I’d like to continue spending time together in ways that feel good to me.”
  • “I need some time before I’m ready to meet friends or family.”
• Remember that boundaries set the tone. Speaking up about boundaries helps create a healthy, respectful relationship from the start. It also keeps things moving at a pace you’re comfortable with.

3. Be honest about what you’re ready for

Being honest about what you’re ready for is a crucial step in setting boundaries in a new relationship. It ensures that both you and your partner are on the same page, which helps prevent misunderstandings and keeps the relationship grounded. It also allows you to protect your emotional and physical well-being while fostering a deeper sense of trust and respect.

• Know your comfort zones. Before speaking up, take time to reflect on what you’re truly ready for — whether it’s emotional vulnerability, physical intimacy, or the speed at which you move forward. You might be excited about the connection but also need to stay mindful of what feels right for you.
• Express your readiness with clarity. It’s important to communicate your boundaries clearly and without hesitation. By being upfront, you’re showing self-awareness and taking ownership of your needs. For example, here’s how you might phrase it:
  • “I’m not quite ready to meet each other’s friends just yet, but I’d love to continue spending time with just the two of us for now.”
  • “I’m looking for something serious, but I want to make sure we’re both comfortable with how fast things are moving.”
• Be honest but respectful. You don’t have to apologize for needing space or going at your own pace. You can be gentle yet firm with your boundaries. The way you say it is just as important as what you say. If your feelings change down the road, it’s OK to express that as well, but starting with honesty helps you get on the same page from the beginning.
• Avoid ambiguity. When you’re clear about your boundaries, it reduces any potential confusion. It might feel awkward at first, but your honesty will lead to a stronger, more respectful connection. For example:
  • “I’m still figuring out what I want, so I need some time to get to know you better before making any decisions about the future.”

Starting the relationship with clear boundaries sets the tone for mutual respect and ensures that both you and your partner are moving at a pace that feels good.

4. Pay attention to how they respond to your boundaries

How someone reacts when you set a boundary can tell you a lot. Do they listen and respect what you’ve said, or do they dismiss it, get defensive, or try to change your mind?

These reactions matter. Red flags can include guilt tripping, ignoring your boundary, making you feel like you’re “too much,” or pushing past your comfort zone. Even small moments of pressure or minimization can add up.

If your boundaries are tested, it’s OK to restate them clearly: “I need you to respect what I shared. This isn’t something I’m flexible on.” And if things shift for you, checking in and adjusting your boundaries is part of a healthy, growing relationship. You deserve to feel safe, heard, and respected from the start.

5. Check in and adjust your boundaries if needed

Boundaries aren’t set in stone. As your relationship grows, you might feel differently about how much time you spend together, how you communicate, or how close you want to get — physically or emotionally. That’s totally normal.

It’s a good idea to regularly check in with yourself and ask: 

• Does this still feel good to me? 
• Is anything starting to feel off or overwhelming? 

If something has shifted, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Revisiting your boundaries together can strengthen your connection by keeping things honest, mutual, and respectful.

6. Ask for help when you need it

Setting and holding boundaries — particularly in a new relationship — can feel confusing or even scary, especially if you’re used to putting other people’s needs first or tend to absorb other people’s emotions easily. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, unsure, or stuck, that’s a good sign that it might help to talk things through with someone.

A therapist can support you in gaining clarity on what matters to you, learning how to communicate your needs, and working through any fear or guilt that comes up when you try to set limits.

Remember, you don’t have to figure everything out on your own. And if you’re struggling with saying “no” or feel guilty about it, therapy can help you build confidence in asserting your needs. Setting boundaries is an essential part of self-respect, and therapy can help.

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Setting boundaries early in dating helps you stay true to yourself while getting to know someone new. It means knowing what feels right for you, speaking up about your needs, and being honest about your pace. Boundaries build trust and help both people feel respected. If this feels hard, support is available to help you figure it out.

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.

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