Everyone takes things personally once in a while. But if you have a strong emotional response to feedback and tend to take responsibility for problems you didn’t cause, it might be time to work on taking things less personally.
Learning to take things less personally doesn’t mean you’ll no longer care about how others think or feel. You can be a kind, empathetic person without taking on unnecessary blame.
Increasing your self-awareness and setting healthy boundaries can help you take things less personally. Pay attention to the source of the feedback, consider the many reasons a person might be having a certain reaction, and focus on what you’re truly responsible for.
Sensitive people have many strengths. For example, your increased sensitivity might help you show empathy for other people. But being a sensitive person can also lead to some challenges, like taking things too personally. Comments or experiences that don’t have a significant impact on others might leave you feeling anxious or ashamed. You also might blame yourself for things that aren’t your fault and have a hard time letting things go.
If you tend to take things personally and it’s negatively impacting your well-being or your relationships, know that you can overcome this challenge with the right support. You can learn to harness the power of your sensitivity as a strength — and set healthy boundaries to protect it without letting it overwhelm you.
What does it mean to take something personally?
Everyone makes mistakes sometimes. And when your actions negatively affect other people, it’s important to take responsibility and apologize. But people who take things personally often misinterpret others’ comments or actions. They may think another person’s actions are related to them even when they’re not. This can make them feel criticized and singled out when that wasn’t the other person’s intention.
For example, let’s say you’re driving to work and a speeding driver swerves past you and cuts you off. As they pull around you, you can hear them shouting obscenities at you, clearly in a fit of road rage.
Of course, no one likes dealing with angry drivers. It can be unsettling to be shouted or honked at while you’re behind the wheel. Some people in this situation would be able to shrug it off and go about their business. They could see that the incident was caused by a person who was clearly having a bad day and know that it probably had nothing to do with them.
But someone who tends to take things personally might ruminate about the interaction for a long time and internalize the problem. Despite knowing that they were driving safely and not breaking any traffic laws, they may feel responsible for what happened and continue to fixate on that angry driver and how that person feels about them.
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Why do I take everything personally?
Some people are more likely to take things personally than others. This can come from a mix of factors, like:
Low self-esteem: Doubting your self-worth can make criticism or rejection feel more painful.
Past experiences: Being hurt, bullied, or rejected in the past can make you more sensitive to similar situations now.
Perfectionism: Holding yourself to very high standards can make small mistakes or feedback feel like personal attacks.
Emotional sensitivity: Feeling emotions deeply can make you more reactive to others’ words or actions.
Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD): Research shows a link between ADHD and emotional sensitivity, which can also make it easier to take things personally.
There’s no quiz or test that can tell you if you’re taking things too personally. But there are some common signs and symptoms to be aware of, including:
Experiencing constant rumination and overthinking
Feeling irrationally responsible for things that aren’t your fault
Experiencing significant emotional turmoil after receiving feedback
Straining relationships due to perceived insults
Having extreme sensitivity to rejections of all kinds
Eight effective tips for how to not take things personally
The following tips can help you learn to take things less personally without losing your ability to show care and concern for others.
Avoid assumptions: If someone is short or distant, don’t assume it’s about you — they may be having a hard day.
Practice self-awareness: Notice your feelings, but separate them from facts. Feeling targeted isn’t the same as being targeted.
Use positive self-talk: Remind yourself of your strengths and contributions to build confidence and reduce self-blame.
Ask for clarity: If you’re unsure what someone meant, it’s OK to ask. Understanding intent can change how you feel.
Embrace feedback: Negative feedback can sting, but it can also help you grow if it’s meant to be constructive.
Consider the source: Ask yourself if the person criticizing you is someone you respect or if they’re often critical of others.
Protect your power: You know yourself best. Don’t let someone else’s opinion define your worth.
Check the past: Strong reactions may be tied to old experiences. Ask yourself if your response fits the current situation.
Remember, being sensitive is a strength. Setting healthy boundaries can help you protect that strength while staying true to yourself.
Learning to stop taking things personally isn’t about caring less — it’s about protecting your peace. When you set boundaries, you make space to respond with clarity instead of carrying someone else’s emotions as your own.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Everyone takes things personally sometimes. But if you feel stuck in a cycle of self-blame and sensitivity, know that help is available. With the right support, you can learn to have empathy for others while maintaining healthy boundaries.
At Rula, we’re here to help you find an in-network therapist who can help you navigate whatever mental health challenges you’re facing. Our teletherapy platform makes it easy to find a provider and access therapy from the comfort of home. Whether you need individual, couples, or family counseling, our team is here to help find the right provider for your needs. Remember, your mental health matters. When you need support, Rula’s therapist-matching program makes it easy to find the specialized care you deserve.
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Shakirra Jones LMHC, LPC, NCC
Shakirra Jones is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Georgia. She is a graduate of Tuskegee University and the Chicago School of Professional Psychology. She has previously worked in community mental health, college counseling and substance use recovery.
She is passionate about creating safe, supportive spaces for people from communities that are historically underserved.
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