Emotional processing means being able to identify and express what you’re feeling and why.
Suppressing feelings can make them stronger and harder to manage, which is why emotional processing is important.
Emotional processing is a skill you can improve in therapy.
Processing emotions requires the ability to name what you’re feeling and why and express yourself in healthy ways. There’s no such thing as good or bad emotions. However, you may be tempted to avoid or suppress uncomfortable ones, like grief or anger.
Ignoring feelings doesn’t make them go away. If you don’t process them, they may get stronger and harder to control. Just like shaking up a soda bottle, emotional pressure can build. Before you know it, the littlest thing might set you off. Without taking time to process your emotions, you might do or say something you regret.
Living with unresolved feelings can negatively affect your mental health and physical well-being. It can also take a toll on your relationships and prevent you from feeling close to others. The good news is that with some practice, almost anyone can improve their emotional processing.
By expanding your self-awareness, broadening your emotional vocabulary, and sharpening your coping skills, you can learn to name and express what you’re feeling.
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Why you might struggle to process your emotions
Many reasons may explain why you find it difficult to process your emotions. Here are a few common examples:
Family dynamics
We’re all born with the capacity to process emotions. But we have to learn the skills required to do so. This usually starts in childhood when we observe how adults — usually our primary caregivers — name and express emotions.
If you grew up in a home where people didn’t talk about feelings or you saw a lot of emotional ups and downs, it may be harder for you to process your emotions.
Emotional vocabulary
If you can sense your emotions but can’t name them, it may be due to a limited emotional vocabulary. Many words can describe what we’re experiencing. It might be hard to choose the one that best describes your emotional state. But research shows that a broader, more diverse emotional vocabulary often correlates with better physical and mental health.
Past experiences
Maybe, in the past, you shared your feelings with someone, and it didn’t go well. Perhaps you were bullied or belittled for being vulnerable. This might make you afraid to open up again. You may find yourself avoiding feelings instead of processing them.
Trauma can also make it difficult to process our emotions. After a traumatic event, you might feel emotionally numb. With support, you can regain a sense of emotional presence.
Mental health
Certain mental health conditions might impact your ability to process emotions. For example, depression can lead to something called emotional blunting. This can cause you to feel emotionally detached from others. Fortunately, with mental health treatment, you can get in touch with your feelings again.
What happens when you don’t feel your feelings
Imagine that, just like a car, your mind and body have a dashboard full of controls to alert you when something needs attention. Emotions are like indicator lights on your personal dashboard, telling you if everything is OK or if something is wrong.
When you don’t feel your feelings, you’re ignoring important information. That can lead to bigger problems. For example, if you’re not aware that you’re feeling burned out, resentful, or anxious, you may not seek support or take steps to feel better. Without recognizing our feelings, it’s easy to get into a state of emotional dysregulation.
Four tips to start processing your emotions
Whether you’ve experienced trauma or you have a mental health condition, it’s possible to reconnect with your feelings and start processing emotions again.
Explore these tips:
Notice and name it. Throughout your day, pause and check in with yourself a few times. Ask yourself, “What am I feeling?” and write it down. Getting into the habit of naming your emotions can make them easier to identify. It can also help you better understand yourself and your needs.
Use a feeling wheel. Feeling wheels are tools that can help you expand your emotional vocabulary. Most people are familiar with primary emotions like anger or happiness. But a feeling wheel can help you accurately label more complex emotions and feel more in control.
Sit with discomfort. Some feelings can be deeply uncomfortable. But instead of avoiding them, see if you can engage with them without judgment. For example, when you’re tempted to suppress an emotion, you might approach it with curiosity rather than avoidance. Remind yourself that your feelings don’t define you and they’re not permanent. Feeling your feelings is an important part of coping with them.
Ask for help. If you’re struggling to process your emotions, and it's negatively affecting your life, talking to a therapist can help. Therapy can provide a safe, supportive space to learn to recognize and manage your feelings.
A common mistake is trying to force emotions away or ‘fix’ them quickly, which often makes them feel bigger and harder to handle. Working with a therapist can give you tools to face emotions safely and build confidence in processing them.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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While it might be tempting to avoid uncomfortable emotions, bottling them up can make them harder to control. Being able to identify and express your feelings in healthy ways can lead to better mental and physical health and stronger relationships. Noticing and naming your feelings, using a feeling wheel to increase your emotional vocabulary, sitting with discomfort, and asking for help if you need it can make it easier to process your emotions.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
Rula's editorial process
Rula's editorial team is on a mission to make science-backed mental health insights accessible and practical for every person seeking to better understand or improve mental wellness.
Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
