Sexual mindfulness can help you stay focused on the present during sexual experiences. It’s something you can explore on your own or with a partner.
Sexual mindfulness can improve your sexual satisfaction and self-esteem and strengthen your romantic relationships.
Creating mindful rituals, adopting a neutral mindset, and seeking sex therapy (if needed) can support your sexual well-being.
You may have heard of mindfulness outside of the context of sexuality. Mindfulness, at its core, is about bringing awareness into the present without judgment. It involves intentionally pausing to notice what’s happening in your mind, body, and environment at a given moment. Research shows that mindfulness can help with stress, emotional regulation, and more.
Sexual mindfulness is a subset of mindfulness that focuses on sexual well-being. It’s intended to help people be more present during sexual experiences, both on their own and with others. It’s also been proven effective in addressing common sexual issues. This can include low desire and difficulty with orgasm as well as body-image concerns and relationship challenges.
Whether it’s something you explore by yourself or with a partner, sexual mindfulness can strengthen your self-esteem, relationships, and overall sexual well-being.
How sexual mindfulness works
Many people struggle with anxiety around sex, and some struggle to stay present due to intrusive or distracting thoughts.
For example, you might worry about your appearance, how well you’re “performing,” or whether your partner is enjoying themselves. Thoughts like, “I really don’t like how my body looks in this position,” or, “I need to remember to wash those dishes before I go to bed,” can impact sexual experiences. Researchers call this cognitive interference, and it can affect desire, pleasure, and connection.
Sexual mindfulness can help reduce anxiety and distractions during sexual experiences. Like other forms of mindfulness, it works by increasing present awareness and reducing judgment. Specifically, it encourages you to tune out intrusive thoughts, be kinder to yourself, and focus on what’s happening in your mind and body. It can help you connect with your senses and notice your feelings without evaluating them.
The care you need, when you need it
Learn how Rula can support your mental health journey
The benefits of sexual mindfulness
Sexual mindfulness isn’t just about improving your sexual connection with your partner(s). While that can be a welcome outcome, here’s what’s known about the other benefits of sexual mindfulness.
Sexual mindfulness can:
Improve your self-esteem and help you be less judgmental toward yourself
Help you have more satisfying sexual experiences
Ease anxiety and reduce distractions that can get in the way of pleasure
Strengthen intimate relationships
Help with low desire and make it easier to orgasm
As you review these benefits, keep in mind that mindfulness alone can’t always reduce sexual dysfunction. Anything from having a heart condition to living with depression or another mental health concern can affect your experience of sex. Sexual mindfulness is just one part of your well-being tool kit. Depending on your needs, you may also benefit from therapy, medication, or other forms of support.
Mindfulness exercises to improve sexual well-being
If you’re interested in using mindfulness to improve your sexual well-being, the following tips can help you get started.
Don’t involve a partner right away
One of the great things about sexual mindfulness is that it doesn’t require a partner. Removing a partner from the equation, at least for now, can help reduce performance anxiety and improve your confidence.
Take some time to explore your body and experiment with sensations. You don’t have to solely focus on your genitals or other erogenous zones (but you can if you want to!). Make note of what feels good, what doesn’t, and what arouses you. Then, you can communicate these insights to your partners when you’re ready.
Embrace neutrality
If you struggle with self-criticism during sex, it might be harder to stay present and enjoy yourself. But you don’t have to feel completely confident to achieve sexual satisfaction.
When a negative thought pops into your mind, don’t judge yourself. Instead, try to notice it and let it go. Adopting a more neutral response can help shift the focus away from your worries and allow you to lean into pleasure.
Create a ritual
Sometimes, it’s hard to create boundaries between different aspects of life. For example, now that so many people are working from home, it can be tough to switch out of “work” mode and into a sexual headspace. If this is a challenge for you, a mindful ritual can help.
Think of the activities that might help you feel more relaxed and present. Maybe it’s working out, taking a bath, or listening to a certain playlist. Creating a ritual can help signal to your mind and body that you’re ready for intimacy.
Ask for help if you need it
If you’re experiencing sexual struggles, know you’re not alone and it’s OK to ask for help. Sexuality is complex, and it doesn’t come with a road map.
Fortunately, sex-positive therapists can assist with issues like low libido, trouble with arousal, inability to orgasm, and more. Sex therapy can provide support for people who want to enhance their sexual satisfaction and feel more connected to themselves and their partners.
I often recommend sexual mindfulness when someone feels distracted, anxious, or disconnected during intimacy. It helps them slow down, tune into their body, and rebuild comfort and confidence with their partner.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
Find care with Rula
Sexual mindfulness can help you manage sexual anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and distractions that may detract from pleasure. It can also boost your self-esteem and strengthen your romantic relationships. If you need additional support with sexual struggles, talking to a sex-positive therapist can help.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
Rula's editorial process
Rula's editorial team is on a mission to make science-backed mental health insights accessible and practical for every person seeking to better understand or improve mental wellness.
Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
