Understanding the ‘vulnerable narcissist’ label

When you hear the term “narcissist,” what do you think of? If you picture someone with a big ego who tends to control or take advantage of others, you’re not wrong. But while these are some of the most common narcissistic traits, they aren’t the only ones. Research shows that narcissistic behavior exists on a spectrum from grandiose to vulnerable.

Grandiose narcissism is the more well-known form of narcissism. It involves an inflated sense of self, entitlement, fantasies of power, and little concern for others. Vulnerable narcissism, sometimes referred to as covert narcissism, is different. People with vulnerable narcissism are often highly sensitive and may not seem controlling. Instead, they tend to withdraw to avoid shame or rejection, even as they crave praise and admiration.

Because it’s less obvious, vulnerable narcissism can be harder to spot — but it can still create real challenges. Understanding it is the first step toward getting the right kind of support.

A note on terminology: Throughout this article, we’ll be using the term "vulnerable narcissism” to describe a specific pattern of narcissistic traits. However, please note that it’s not an official diagnosis at this time. It’s an unofficial subtype of narcissism that helps clinicians categorize behavior. There’s also a difference between having narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and showing narcissistic traits. A person can have narcissistic traits without having NPD. And you don’t need to have a formal diagnosis of NPD to ask for help.

Signs you may have vulnerable narcissistic traits

If you think you might be living with vulnerable narcissism, one of the best things you can do is seek professional help. The symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can mirror symptoms of other conditions. For example, emotional volatility is seen in both NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD). A mental health professional can provide a thorough evaluation and ensure that you receive an accurate diagnosis. 

You might have vulnerable narcissistic traits if you:

• Struggle to form close relationships because you're afraid others won't accept the "real" you

• Have an intense fear of rejection  

• Have trouble regulating your mood

• Often have big reactions to objectively minor stressors

• Long to be accepted and live in fear of criticism

• Engage in subtle attention-seeking behaviors, like fishing for compliments 

• Help others or do “nice” things to feel good about yourself or receive praise

• Tend to blame others for your shortcomings and have difficulty taking responsibility for your actions

If any of this sounds familiar, know that you’re not alone and help is available. Narcissism can be stigmatized, and that can make it more difficult to seek support. 

Some people mistakenly believe that people with narcissistic traits are just cruel or manipulative. But that isn’t always true. Just like anyone else, people with these experiences deserve safe, affirming mental healthcare.

Causes of vulnerable narcissistic personality disorder

We don’t fully understand what causes vulnerable narcissism. But research shows that adverse childhood experiences may play a key role. 

You may be more likely to develop vulnerable narcissism if you:

• Were physically abused as a child

• Had overly lenient and/or overprotective parents

• Experienced coldness, rejection, and/or invalidation from your parents

• Were impulsive and/or had unstable self-esteem as a child

Treatment options for vulnerable narcissism

While there’s no cure for vulnerable narcissism or NPD, it can be managed with the right support. Therapy is considered one of the most effective treatments for all forms of narcissism. 

It can help you:

• Examine your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in a safe, confidential environment

• Explore the experiences and emotions underlying your narcissistic traits

• Practice forming a collaborative, supportive relationship in a therapeutic setting

• Increase awareness around how your narcissistic traits affect you and others

• Interrupt unhelpful patterns and set achievable goals

• Repair and strengthen your relationships with friends and loved ones

• Deepen your understanding of what causes narcissism

• Reduce shame and stigma around your diagnosis

• Improve your self-esteem

• Learn coping strategies to manage your response to criticism and other stressors

• Address and improve symptoms of co-occurring conditions (like depression)

Currently, there are no approved medications for narcissism. However, if you have a co-occurring condition, you may wish to consider adding medication to your treatment plan. You and your provider can discuss whether this is the right option for you.

Clinician's take

People with vulnerable narcissistic traits often feel emotionally raw beneath the surface. That sensitivity can lead to patterns of withdrawing or seeking validation in relationships — not out of malice, but out of fear of being exposed or rejected.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer

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Vulnerable or covert narcissism is a unique presentation of narcissism. Unlike grandiose narcissism, which involves an obvious sense of superiority, vulnerable narcissism can be subtler. 

People with vulnerable narcissism are highly sensitive to criticism and rejection. They may seek praise through acts of kindness or by fishing for compliments. Like other forms of narcissism, vulnerable narcissism is often characterized by poor self-esteem and has roots in childhood trauma. Fortunately, narcissism can be managed with the right support. This typically involves therapy and, sometimes, medication.

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.