Moving in together is a deeply personal decision unique to each couple.
Address practical matters like finances, conflict resolution, and expectations before making the move.
Be prepared for increased commitment and communication. It’s important to be aligned about the reasons for moving in together and long-term vision for the relationship.
More couples — especially young adults — are choosing to move in together before getting married. This is a personal choice that involves your values and culture. While there’s no “right” time to move in together, as it depends on each couple, you might want to consider some things before making this commitment.
These prompts can help you reflect on your goals, desires, and hesitations around moving in with your partner. If you’re still having trouble deciding if it's the right move for you, talking with a therapist can help.
Why do you want to live together?
Couples might choose to move in together for many reasons. It might be logistical, like saving money on rent. Or it could be emotional, like spending more time together and deepening a connection. It’s important to start by understanding this underlying reason and discussing it with your partner. This can help you make sure that you’re on the same page about what you're looking for.
Start by asking yourself:
What need or desire is this decision fulfilling for you? Is it the same for your partner?
If living together didn’t improve the relationship in the way you hoped, how might that impact your feelings about the relationship?
Some couples might move in together to “test” relationship compatibility. But research shows that this can lead to more communication problems and even an increased risk of physical aggression. Testing the relationship is also linked to anxious attachment. It’s best to feel confident about compatibility before moving in together.
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How will the finances work?
Many couples move in together to save money, and this makes sense. But even if you're not getting married, discuss finances before deciding to live together. You’ll need to know how you’re approaching bills and other expenses.
For example, if one of you works full time and the other is a student, will bills be divided equally? How do each of your financial habits show up in everyday spending? If one partner earns significantly more, what feels fair to both of you in terms of dividing costs or managing lifestyle choices?
Don’t wait until you’ve made the decision to move in together to have these conversations. Before you sign any leases, sit down together and make a budget. This can ensure you can afford to move in together.
Are you ready to commit?
Most couples experience an increased level of commitment when they move in together. Even if marriage isn’t a topic of conversation, you’re blending lives and responsibilities in a deeper way when taking this step. Commitment could look like checking in with each other before making major life decisions. It might look like planning a future together. It can also mean sticking together through challenges.
To get a better idea where you both stand, you can ask yourselves a few questions:
What does commitment mean to you?
How do you want commitment to show up in daily life once you live together?
Are there any unspoken expectations you’re carrying about your partner’s role or behavior once you move in together?
Consider how this increased commitment makes you feel. If you’re mainly looking to move in together for financial or logistical reasons — but you’re not ready for commitment — it may be wise to talk about this with your partner and make sure you’re both on the same page.
How much time do you already spend together?
Many couples already spend a great deal of time together before making the decision to move in. For instance, you might be spending almost every night at your partner’s house. When you spend so much time together at home, you get a better sense of how your partner lives and what it might be like to share space with them.
So if you're already spending a lot of time together and it’s been working out well, it could be a sign that you’re ready to move in together.
Some questions to reflect on include:
How do you each recharge and spend time alone? Will you be able to maintain that when you share a home?
Are there any current habits or routines that might feel different or cause friction once you’re under the same roof?
What are your views on marriage and the future of the relationship?
Some people might see moving in together as the first step toward a longer-term commitment, like marriage. If that’s how you feel, bring it up with your partner. You’ll want to ensure shared clarity around expectations like this. Without this important communication, you might be setting yourself up for misunderstandings and disappointment.
If you’re unsure where to start, try asking your partner if they see this move as a milestone toward something else (like marriage or kids), or more as a lifestyle choice? You can also gain clarity on how both would handle that shift if either of your visions of the future changes. Nothing needs to be set in stone by opening up this dialogue, but you can understand where you both stand early on.
Do you know how to handle conflict?
Conflict and obstacles will undoubtedly arise when sharing space with anyone, including your partner. You probably can’t avoid conflict altogether, but it’s essential to establish good communication and conflict-resolution skills. This foundation can help you navigate the challenges you might face when moving in together.
Consider how you both respond to conflict. Some people may prefer space before addressing issues, while others prefer to talk things through immediately. When you think about your most recent disagreement, ask yourself:
What would you want to handle differently if you were living together?
What signs usually show that you're not feeling heard and how do you want your partner to respond in those moments?
Understanding and respecting each other’s conflict styles can help you avoid unnecessary tension. Regularly checking in with your partner can provide the space to talk through issues before they spiral out of control.
What's your plan for if it doesn't work out?
Lastly, think about if living together doesn’t work out for you. It’s not about focusing on the worst-case scenario but just about being prepared and keeping yourself safe.
For example, would you continue to live together for financial reasons if you broke up? Are you in a position to financially sustain yourself without your partner? If not, do you have a safe place to go if you can no longer live together? These questions can help you feel more comfortable and confident in your decision to move in together.
Jumping into shared routines without setting clear expectations can create tension. Some couples assume things will just ‘fall into place,’ but even small details benefit from thoughtful communication.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
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Every couple has their own reasons for choosing to move in together. It’s worth taking some time to consider why you might want to move in with your partner. A therapist can help you make a decision that’s aligned with your values and goals.
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Saya Des Marais
Saya graduated with her Master in Social Work (MSW) with a concentration in mental health from the University of Southern California in 2010. She formerly worked as a therapist and motivational interviewing trainer in community clinics, public schools, mental health startups, and more.
Her writing has been featured in FORTUNE, GoodRX, PsychCentral, and dozens of mental health apps and therapy websites. Through both her clinical work and her personal OCD diagnosis, she’s learned the importance of making empathetic and accurate mental health content available online.
She lives in Portland, Oregon but you can find her almost just as often in Mexico or in her birthplace, Tokyo.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
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