ADHD can affect the parts of the brain responsible for empathy. It can make understanding others’ perspectives harder — but this doesn’t mean you’re unkind or uncaring.
Empathy is a skill that people with ADHD can get better over time.
ADHD treatment, self-compassion, and honest communication can all make it easier to manage empathy struggles and build healthier connections.
Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can affect how you show up in relationships in many ways. Research shows that people who live with ADHD are more likely to have a hard time with empathy and seeing things from others’ viewpoints. That’s because of the way ADHD affects the brain. It’s not because there’s anything wrong with you.
If you have ADHD and struggle to practice empathy, it doesn’t make you a bad person. However, these challenges can negatively impact your relationships. But there’s hope. Empathy is a skill anyone can practice and build. Additionally, ADHD treatment can help you manage all of your symptoms — including low empathy.
How ADHD can affect empathy
Overall, studies suggest that people with ADHD tend to have a harder time feeling empathy. This doesn’t mean that people with ADHD are bad or uncaring. Empathy is a cognitive skill, not a moral accomplishment. And studies show that ADHD can affect areas of your brain responsible for empathy.
In particular, studies have found that people with ADHD have impaired theory of mind. Theory of mind (ToM) is a skill that allows us to understand that other people have unique experiences, thoughts, beliefs, desires, and motivations that are different from ours.
With ADHD, it can be challenging to recognize others’ experiences. For example, you might assume that a friend knows something just because you know it and become frustrated with them when they don’t.
Difficulty with empathy isn’t a recognized symptom of ADHD. It’s more like a biological consequence or side effect. It’s one of many ways that ADHD can show up in social interactions and disrupt relationships.
In ADHD, low empathy might appear as:
Becoming intensely angry with people (or yourself) for making mistakes
Holding grudges or having a hard time apologizing
Interrupting or talking over people
Forgetting to listen to people because you’re distracted
Blurting things out and feeling confused when others are offended
Sharing your experiences to try to relate to someone else’s struggles
Becoming emotionally dysregulated yourself when someone is sharing their pain
Struggling to notice subtle social cues, like body language or tone changes
Seeming dismissive because you move on quickly instead of sitting with someone’s feelings
Every person with ADHD is unique. Just because you have ADHD doesn’t mean you have low empathy.
Some people with ADHD might even feel like they have too much empathy. You might feel like you absorb other people’s emotions and struggle to separate them from your own. But, ironically, this might be a sign of low empathy as well. You might be so overwhelmed by your emotions that you can’t be present for the other person.
What other conditions can play a role in empathy?
ADHD isn’t unique in its impacts on empathy. Research shows that many other mental health and neurodevelopmental conditions can affect this part of the brain, including:
Depression
Autism
Bipolar disorder
Personality disorders
Psychotic disorders
Anxiety
Many of these conditions co-occur with ADHD, which can make practicing empathy even harder.
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The impact of empathy struggles on relationships
As you might expect, low empathy associated with ADHD can have an impact on relationships. Left unaddressed, it can lead to emotional distance, conflict, and resentment.
Additionally, ADHD-related difficulties with empathy can:
Make others feel unheard or dismissed when you interrupt or talk over them
Lead to arguments because you forget important details or don’t remember past conversations
Cause loved ones to feel unsupported when you’re distracted during emotional moments
Make loved ones feel like you minimize or brush off their emotions when you shift the focus back to yourself
Make it harder to resolve conflict since you might focus on your own perspective instead of theirs
Create cycles of guilt or shame if you realize afterward that you hurt someone unintentionally
Healthy ways to cope with ADHD and empathy difficulties
Living with ADHD can make perspective-taking harder, but it doesn’t mean things can’t improve. With practice and the right strategies, you can strengthen your empathy skills and build positive, lasting relationships.
Strengthen empathy skills
Empathy is a skill, not a personality trait. Even if you live with ADHD-related brain differences, you can strengthen any skill by practicing it.
For example, learn the skill of active listening. You might practice this by:
Repeating back what someone said in your own words
Asking follow-up questions instead of shifting to your own experiences
Putting your phone away so you can focus fully on the conversation
Over time, these intentional habits can make empathy feel more natural.
Be kind to yourself
Difficulties with empathy and perspective-taking are simply a biological result of the neurodevelopmental condition you live with. Try not to judge yourself for it and practice self-compassion.
Accepting ADHD, including its strengths and weaknesses, is an important part of living with this condition. Having ADHD and empathy challenges doesn’t make you a bad person.
Explain ADHD to others
It might also help to explain ADHD to important people in your life. Let them know how it affects you, and give science-based explanations for behaviors they might interpret as “unempathetic.”
You don’t owe anybody an explanation, and it’s up to you who you want to share your diagnosis with. But gently educating the people you love could help prevent these difficulties from negatively impacting your relationships.
Get ADHD treatment
Research shows that medication can significantly improve empathy, ToM, and other social skills for people with ADHD. Treatment — which can include both medication and therapy — can offer the stability and focus needed to pause before reacting, manage distractions, and regulate your emotions more effectively.
Therapy can also help you practice real-world skills for perspective-taking and strengthen your ability to connect with others in a way that feels more balanced and supportive.
If you have ADHD along with other mental health conditions like anxiety or depression, your empathy challenges can feel louder or more confusing. It’s like trying to tune a radio with multiple stations playing at once — you might care deeply but still struggle to respond in the way you want.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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ADHD can influence how you experience and show empathy, which can sometimes create challenges in relationships. But empathy is a skill and, like any skill, it can be practiced and strengthened over time. With treatment, self-compassion, and clear communication, it’s possible to build stronger connections.
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Saya Des Marais
Saya graduated with her Master in Social Work (MSW) with a concentration in mental health from the University of Southern California in 2010. She formerly worked as a therapist and motivational interviewing trainer in community clinics, public schools, mental health startups, and more.
Her writing has been featured in FORTUNE, GoodRX, PsychCentral, and dozens of mental health apps and therapy websites. Through both her clinical work and her personal OCD diagnosis, she’s learned the importance of making empathetic and accurate mental health content available online.
She lives in Portland, Oregon but you can find her almost just as often in Mexico or in her birthplace, Tokyo.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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