Asexual people may feel romantic attraction to others but not sexual attraction.
Rather than sexual desire, asexual relationships focus on connection, trust, and respect.
An estimated 70 million people worldwide identify as asexual.
If someone says they’re asexual, you might think they don’t like sex or choose not to have it. But that’s not always the case. Being asexual means a person feels little or no sexual attraction to others. This doesn’t mean they don’t value close relationships. Many asexual people have strong romantic, emotional, or platonic connections.
Because asexuality is a sexual orientation, it can look different for each person. Some asexual people choose to have sex, while others don’t want it at all.
If you're exploring your sexual identity, it’s important to remember that you're not alone. There’s no right way to experience attraction or relationships. The secret to any successful relationship is being true to yourself and maintaining open communication and mutual respect.
What it means to be asexual
Asexuality is a real and valid identity, like being straight, gay, or bisexual. It’s also a spectrum, which means it looks different for everyone. Many people who identify as asexual call themselves “ace” for short.
Asexuality is often misunderstood. It's completely normal to not feel sexual attraction. Some asexual people might also use terms like gay, bi, lesbian, straight, and queer to describe the direction of their romantic or sexual attraction. An ace person might fall in love, date, get married, and build a life with someone, even without sex. Asexual people often use terms like “favorable,” “neutral,” “indifferent,” or “repulsed” to describe how they feel about romance and sex.
Some asexual people feel uncomfortable or even repulsed by the idea of having sex. For some, this feeling may be linked to past trauma or abuse. Others find sex unappealing or simply not for them.
Within the asexual community, there are many ways to identify, including:
Demisexual: This is someone who only feels sexual attraction after they form a strong emotional connection.
Graysexual (or Gray-A): This is someone who may feel sexual attraction rarely or only under specific circumstances.
Queerplatonic: This term describes a deep, committed relationship that goes beyond a typical friendship but doesn’t have to include romance or sex.
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Asexuality, attraction, and relationships
Asexual relationships are built on connection, trust, and respect — not sexual attraction. They can take many different forms depending on the people involved.
Here’s what they often look like:
Emotional closeness: Ace people often build strong emotional bonds. They can grow close through things like shared hobbies, supporting each other’s goals, and spending quality time together. Love is very much a part of the relationship, even if sex isn’t.
Physical affection: Some asexual couples enjoy cuddling, hugging, or kissing. Others may prefer little to no physical touch. The important thing is that both people feel comfortable.
Open communication: Because comfort with sex varies, honest conversations are important. One person might feel indifferent about sex, while another might enjoy occasional sex. The key is finding what works for both partners.
Romantic or platonic: Some ace people feel romantic attraction but are uncomfortable with sex. These relationships may include affection and emotional closeness but not physical intimacy.
Asexual-sexual mixed relationships: In some couples, one partner is asexual while the other isn’t. With clear boundaries and consent, they might choose to have occasional sex or explore different ways to meet each other’s needs.
Romantic but sex-repulsed: Some asexual people may feel romantic attraction but find sex repulsive. These relationships might include emotional closeness and affection but not physical intimacy.
Queerplatonic relationships: These intense, committed relationships go beyond friendship but don’t include romance or sex. People in queerplatonic relationships may live together, co-parent, or share life goals with love and loyalty.
Eight myths about being asexual
Asexuality is a natural variation of human sexuality. Asexual people often face a higher rate of anxiety, depression, and interpersonal challenges than people who aren’t part of the queer community. These struggles are often linked to stress and the pressure to fit into a world that sometimes feels like it assumes everyone experiences sexual attraction.
There are many misconceptions about being asexual, including:
1. Asexual people don’t have relationships. False. Many asexual people are in loving, committed relationships. Although they don't crave sex, they can still form deep emotional connections and enjoy committed, fulfilling partnerships.
2. Being asexual is the same as being celibate. Not true. People who are celibate typically experience sexual attraction but choose not to have sex. Asexual people don’t feel sexual attraction, though some may choose to have sex for various reasons.
3. Hardly anyone is asexual. False. Approximately 70 million people identify as asexual, and experts say that number could be even higher.
4. Asexual people never have sex. False. Some asexual people choose to have sex for various reasons. This can include pleasing a partner they love and trust, satisfying curiosity, or wanting to have children. It’s a personal choice that varies from person to person.
5. It’s a phase. False. Asexuality isn’t something people grow out of. It’s not about lacking experience or waiting to meet the right person. It’s a real and valid part of who someone is.
6. Asexuality means you’re afraid of sex or have trauma. Not necessarily. While some aces might avoid sex because of negative past experiences, it's not true of all. Many aces don’t feel the need for sex. That's OK and completely normal.
7. Asexuality and aromanticism are the same. False. Asexuality is about sexual attraction, while aromanticism is about romantic attraction. Some asexual people fall in love and seek romantic connection, while others don’t.
8. Asexual people have a low sex drive. Not true. Libido and sexual attraction aren’t the same. Some asexual people have a sex drive but aren’t attracted to others. Other people don’t have a sex drive at all. Both are valid.
Asexuality doesn’t automatically mean someone doesn’t want relationships, affection, or connection. Many asexual people still experience romantic attraction, form deep emotional bonds, and have fulfilling partnerships. Therapy can help you feel empowered to define intimacy and connection on your own terms.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
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Being asexual can be challenging in a world that often assumes everyone experiences sexual attraction or wants sex. If you or someone you care about is asexual, it’s common to feel misunderstood, isolated, or unsure how to handle romantic relationships. Therapy can offer a safe, supportive space to explore your feelings and feel more confident in your identity.
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Linda Childers
Linda is an award-winning medical writer with experience writing for major media outlets, health companies, hospitals, and both consumer and trade print and digital outlets.
Her articles have appeared in the Washington Post, USA Today, WebMD, AARP, Brain+Life, HealthyWomen.org, The Rheumatologist, California Health Report, Everyday Health, HealthCentral, and many other media outlets.
While juggling the responsibilities of being part of the “sandwich generation” and caring for both her toddler son and terminally ill mother, a nurse friend encouraged her to seek therapy, which helped her to learn coping strategies and manage her depression. Linda hopes her work will help to destigmatize mental health conditions and encourage others to get the help they need.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
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