Finding and expressing your authentic self

The term “authentic” has become increasingly popular lately. In fact, it has gained so much traction that it was dubbed Merriam-Webster's Word of the Year in 2023. And yet, there’s no singular way to define it. 

Research shows that living authentically can support your mental health. But what feels authentic to one person may not align for someone else, and your relationship to authenticity can change throughout your life. So if you’ve ever felt confused about what it really means to “be yourself,” you’re not alone. 

At a basic level, living authentically is about knowing who you are, what you desire, and what you value, and making decisions accordingly. Explore these tips to help you harness those insights and feel more connected to your authentic self, whatever that means to you. 

Audit your past experiences

If you feel like you’re not living authentically right now, take some time to reflect on the past. Think back, and see if you can identify times in your life when you felt you were living more authentically. How were things different? Are there things that used to feel authentic to you that don’t anymore? What was happening back then that helped you be more true to yourself? 

You probably can’t replicate the exact conditions of your past. But you may be able to use these reflections to cultivate greater authenticity in the present.

Create a personal mission statement

Businesses often create mission statements to define their goals, vision, and values. But people can do the same thing, and it doesn’t need to be a formal process. Just take some time for yourself and create a list of the values that are most important to you. Consider what kind of person you want to be and how you want to be remembered. 

If you’re having trouble getting started, check out this list of over 50 personal values and see what resonates. Then, write down some things you’d like to have or achieve in the future. Knowing who you are, what you desire, and what you stand for is the first step in making choices that honor your authentic self.

Consider your context

Living authentically requires honesty, vulnerability, and, often, courage. But it might not be safe to show up as your full self in every situation. For example, you might not share details of your personal life with people who may not accept you. You may also decide to omit some aspects of your story from social media. Choosing to guard some parts of your identity and having healthy boundaries doesn’t mean you aren’t being authentic. 

However, if you feel like you have to completely change who you are all the time, that can take a toll on your well-being. This is sometimes referred to as code-switching, and it can negatively affect your mental health.

Embrace your evolution

One of the beautiful things about authenticity is that it can evolve. There’s no one “true” version of your authentic self, and that’s a good thing! After all, we can’t grow without change. 

It’s likely that the way you feel about some of your beliefs, hobbies, relationships, and more have shifted over time. Some of your core values and interests may remain important to you throughout your life. But it’s OK to embrace these changes and release the things that no longer feel authentic to you. 

Channel curiosity and self-compassion

If you’re interested in living more authentically but are feeling stuck, try to move forward with curiosity and self-compassion rather than frustration. It might be helpful to take some time to reflect on these questions:

• What’s making it hard to step into a more authentic version of yourself? 

• Are you feeling disconnected from parts of your identity? 

• What stories are you telling yourself about your authentic self? 

• Are you worried that others won’t accept you for who you really are? 

• Do you struggle to conceptualize the “real” you? 

• Do you feel like you have to live your life on others’ terms? 

Sometimes the process of self-discovery and seeking authenticity can bring up uncomfortable emotions. It’s OK to ask for help throughout this experience. A therapist can help you connect to your true self and cultivate the courage to live more authentically.

Clinician's take

In my experience, people often hold back their authentic selves because they fear rejection or judgment. They’ve learned that blending in feels safer than being fully seen, even when it means losing touch with who they are.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer

Find care with Rula

Living authentically is about discovering who you are, what you want, what you stand for, and making choices accordingly. Authenticity requires self-awareness, curiosity, and courage. It also requires giving yourself permission to evolve. It’s OK if what used to feel authentic to you shifts over the course of your life. 

If you’re having trouble connecting to your authentic self, know that you’re not alone and help is available. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore your identity, clarify your goals and values, and develop the confidence to be your most authentic self.

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.