Being ignored can trigger deep emotional pain because it threatens your basic need for connection and belonging.
The experience of being ignored — or even just feeling ignored — can lead to emotions like shame, anger, and loneliness.
Learning to recognize your emotions, reframe your thoughts, and seek support when needed can help you handle the pain of being ignored in a healthy way.
Being ignored hurts, whether it was intentional or not. When you feel ignored, it can trigger deeply painful emotions like shame. And in this digital age, it feels like it’s easier than ever to ignore or “ghost” someone simply by not replying to their messages.
If you’re feeling ignored, it’s possible to deal with it gracefully. Remember, it may not be personal, and it doesn’t affect your worth. If you need additional support, a therapist can help you process this feeling.
What it can be like to feel ignored
When we talk about being ignored, it’s important to distinguish between feeling ignored and actually being ignored. Both can be very painful, and both are real and valid — but they’re different experiences.
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Being ignored
Sometimes, you might notice that people are literally ignoring you. This might be physically — like pretending they don’t hear you or giving you the “silent treatment.” Literal ignoring can happen online as well, like if your friends don’t respond to your messages.
Some aspects of people’s identities might be ignored too. For example, people of color might feel like white people are ignoring the fullness of their identity (acting “colorblind”). Or perhaps someone’s family doesn’t acknowledge that they’re LGBTQ+.
Feeling ignored
Other times, you might feel ignored whether people are actually ignoring you or not. For example, if you consistently get passed over for a promotion at work, it might feel to you like your accomplishments are being ignored, even if you’re getting recognized in other ways.
Being ignored often isn’t personal. People might ignore others because they’re too distracted by their own thoughts and feelings. Or it might be because they don’t know how to respond, or they’re avoiding conflict.
And sometimes, people might be more sensitive to feeling ignored. For example, depression comes with feelings of worthlessness and helplessness. So if you live with depression, you might be more likely to read others’ actions as ignoring you, even though they aren’t. That doesn’t make the feeling any less valid, but it could be something to pay attention to.
The psychological effects of being ignored
Feeling ignored can be uncomfortable and is associated with a range of emotions. If you live with a mental health condition or a lower self-esteem, its psychological effects can be even more devastating.
When you’re ignored, it might bring up emotions like:
Worthlessness
Shame
Guilt
Embarrassment
Sadness
Resentment
Anger
Loneliness
Research shows that being ignored regularly at work can lead to emotional exhaustion and affect your well-being at home. You might start to feel disconnected from your work or the people around you. It’s common to feel like it’s pointless to try to connect with people if you’re just going to be ignored.
How to handle being ignored gracefully
We’ll probably all have to deal with being (or feeling) ignored at some point in our lives. You can handle this experience in healthy ways that protect your self-esteem and relationships.
Notice the emotions
When someone ignores you, take note of the emotions that come up. When you try to pretend that it doesn’t affect you at all, it might make the emotions grow even stronger. For example, you might say to yourself, “I’m feeling ashamed because my coworker is ignoring me. That makes me feel like I don’t matter. It’s OK to feel this way.”
Remember, feelings are there to communicate a need so you can possibly take action. Identifying your feelings is a powerful first step to adjusting your life experiences, especially with others.
Don’t take it personally
Some cognitive reframing can also be helpful. Instead of focusing on what you might have done “wrong” to cause the person to ignore you, try not to take it personally. Notice the thoughts you’re having about the situation, and try to think of things in a more helpful and accurate manner.
For example, if you’re being ignored and no one is talking to you at a social gathering, it can be easy to have a thought like, “No one wants to talk to me. They probably think I’m boring and I’m not worth their time.” Notice you’re having this thought, and remind yourself that there’s actually no evidence proving that this thought is true.
Then, work on replacing the thought with one that’s more accurate and doesn’t assign personal blame to yourself. For example, you might try a thought like, “I don’t know why people aren’t talking to me. But all I can do is be myself.”
Problem-solve if necessary
If people are ignoring you on a regular basis — especially in a work setting — this can be a form of harassment or toxic work culture. You may need to take some steps to address the situation. Learn about your organization’s policies around harassment and bullying. You can also document what’s happening and talk to a supervisor, HR, or a trusted coworker for advice.
In relationships, it’s possible that the other person doesn’t realize that they’re ignoring you or doesn’t understand the emotional impact. It might be helpful to have a conversation about how their actions make you feel and what you need from them moving forward. When you have this conversation, focus on “I” statements. For instance, you might say something like, “When you don’t text me back for days, it makes me feel ignored.”
Talk to a therapist
Talking to a therapist about being ignored doesn’t mean that it’s your fault or problem. It can just be a helpful way to deal with the emotional impact of being ignored, which can affect your mental health. A therapist can help you process the pain and identify patterns in your relationships. With therapy, you may feel more confident setting boundaries and expressing your needs.
If being ignored has either triggered or worsened the symptoms of a mental health condition (like depression), you might also choose to try psychiatric medication. It’s important to work with a mental health provider to determine the right treatment for your needs.
A helpful shift is to remember that silence doesn’t always mean rejection. It can reflect someone else’s capacity, not your worth. Practicing self-compassion by saying, ‘I matter even when I’m not being noticed,’ helps you stay grounded and connected to your own value.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
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Being ignored can make you feel invisible and disconnected. But the truth is that everyone deserves to feel heard and valued. If you’re dealing with the pain of being ignored, therapy can help you make sense of your feelings and rebuild your confidence.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Saya Des Marais
Saya graduated with her Master in Social Work (MSW) with a concentration in mental health from the University of Southern California in 2010. She formerly worked as a therapist and motivational interviewing trainer in community clinics, public schools, mental health startups, and more.
Her writing has been featured in FORTUNE, GoodRX, PsychCentral, and dozens of mental health apps and therapy websites. Through both her clinical work and her personal OCD diagnosis, she’s learned the importance of making empathetic and accurate mental health content available online.
She lives in Portland, Oregon but you can find her almost just as often in Mexico or in her birthplace, Tokyo.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
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Rula's editorial team is on a mission to make science-backed mental health insights accessible and practical for every person seeking to better understand or improve mental wellness.
Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
