Key Takeaways
Compersion describes the joy you feel for a loved one’s happiness, even when you’re not directly involved.
It’s an important part of ethical nonmonogamy but can benefit all types of relationships.
Compersion is an emotion you can cultivate over time. If it doesn’t come naturally, working with a therapist can help.
It’s normal to feel happy for other people’s happiness, like when a friend gets married. But not everyone experiences that same happiness in other situations, like when their partner flirts with someone else or their coworker receives the promotion they wanted. Experiencing genuine happiness in those situations is known as compersion.
Compersion can be described as “sympathetic joy.” It allows you to appreciate someone else’s happiness, even when you’re not directly involved. Compersion is often associated with romantic relationships, but it can benefit all types of relationships.
Compersion may not feel natural to everyone, but it’s an emotion you can learn to feel over time. Cultivating compersion can improve your self-awareness, relationships, and overall well-being.
What is compersion?
Compersion is a positive emotional response to someone else’s happiness. It allows you to feel emotions like joy, appreciation, and contentment when a loved one enjoys time or intimacy with another person.
Compersion is sometimes referred to as “the opposite of jealousy,” but that’s not exactly true. Many experts agree that it’s normal to experience compersion and jealousy at the same time. Even people in ethically nonmonogamous (ENM) relationships still get jealous, but they tend to cope with it more effectively than those in monogamous relationships.
It’s also important to note that compersion involves authentic joy. It’s not the same as simply being nice or tolerating someone’s behaviors. Instead, it reflects a genuine appreciation for their feelings and a willingness to support their needs.
What compersion looks like in real life
Anyone can experience compersion, but it’s especially common with nonmonogamy. These are relationships in which people have more than one romantic or sexual partner. For example, polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all forms of ENM.
Research suggests that people in ENM relationships can experience compersion in several ways. You might feel:
Happy when your partner has other intimate relationships: Your partner has another partner, and they take a trip to celebrate their anniversary. When your partner tells you about it, you feel genuine love.
Excited when they explore new connections: Your partner likes to flirt with other people in front of you. Knowing it makes them feel attractive makes you happy.
Sexually aroused at the idea of your partner with someone else: You’re excited by the idea of your partner being sexually intimate with someone other than you.
People in monogamous relationships can experience compersion too. Let’s say your partner decides to take a weekend trip with a close friend. Instead of feeling left out, you experience genuine joy that they have such a special person in their life. Feeling grateful that an ex-partner is happy in a new relationship is another example of compersion.
Why compersion matters for your mental health
Compersion requires people to reflect on their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This type of self-awareness can improve your confidence, self-esteem, and ability to manage distressing emotions. Compersion can also help you feel more secure in your relationships. Knowing how to genuinely appreciate your partner's happiness can lead to greater honesty, trust, and intimacy.
Not everyone wants or needs to experience compersion. But if it’s something you’re interested in, you can start by.
Creating boundaries: It’s difficult to experience compersion when you don't feel secure or supported in your relationship. Setting clear boundaries is a chance to decide what you will or won’t tolerate. Boundaries can help define how you want to be treated, prevent jealousy, and contribute to greater compersion.
Focusing on empathy: If you’re finding compersion difficult, think about how you can approach the situation with empathy. For example: Is your partner’s behavior helping them feel better about themselves? Is the situation improving their quality of life in some way?
Communicating openly: Effective communication is key to any relationship. Let your partner know when you feel happy for them, and be honest when you’re struggling. It’s OK to say, “I want to feel happy when you [the action], but I’m still working on it.”
Showing yourself compassion: Self-compassion is an important skill for managing tough feelings and situations. If you find yourself struggling to experience compersion, try not to judge yourself. Instead, remember that this is a process and everyone has their own comfort level.
Seeking professional support: If you want advice on how to create compersion, consider meeting with a mental health professional. They can help you explore your thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive setting. You might even try couples therapy so you and your partner can discuss your challenges and goals together.
Clinician's take
If you’re feeling jealous, try not to beat yourself up. I often encourage people to pause and ask, ‘What is this feeling trying to tell me?’ Jealousy isn’t a flaw — it’s a clue. It might be pointing to a need for reassurance, connection, or clearer boundaries. Getting curious instead of critical can open the door to deeper understanding.
Find care with Rula
Compersion can set the stage for happy and supportive relationships. It may not come naturally to everyone, but it’s possible to cultivate this emotion over time. Working with a therapist can help you develop the confidence and awareness to foster compersion with the people in your life.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 21,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Rula's editorial process
Rula's editorial team is on a mission to make science-backed mental health insights accessible and practical for every person seeking to better understand or improve mental wellness.
Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
