What it means to be emotionally intelligent

Some research shows that success boils down to 20% IQ and 80% EI, or emotional intelligence. IQ assesses cognitive skills, like your ability to solve problems and retain information, while EI refers to how well you can understand and manage emotions.

Emotional intelligence is a driving force for how we think, feel, and learn. It can help increase your self-awareness, confidence, and ability to handle challenging or stressful situations. If you’re interested in improving your EI, know that it’s never too late to develop these skills.

Signs that someone is emotionally intelligent

People with high emotional intelligence can recognize their own feelings, understand what they mean, and see how those emotions affect their behavior and interactions with others. While you can’t control how others feel, identifying the emotions behind their actions can give you a better understanding of their perspective and how to engage with them. EI has been linked to happiness, success, and improved quality of life. 

The five key components of emotional intelligence include: 

1. Self-awareness: Self-awareness involves understanding your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and how they impact other people. Having self-awareness can improve the way you communicate, make decisions, and navigate challenging situations. 
2. Empathy: Empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. People with a high EI typically know how to empathize with others, meaning they understand, share, and care about other people’s emotions. When you feel with someone, you’re able to connect in a meaningful way.
3. Self-regulation: Self-regulation is the ability to manage your impulses and emotions. It allows people to identify their feelings and respond in appropriate and intentional ways. People who can self-regulate are more likely to remain calm and composed during challenging situations and inspire others to do the same. 
4. Social skills: Social skills are essential to building and maintaining healthy relationships. If you can identify the emotions behind their behavior, you’ll have a better understanding of where they’re coming from and how to best interact with them.
5. Motivation: Motivation is what inspires people to turn intention into action. People who are emotionally intelligent are often driven by intrinsic motivation, meaning they’re motivated by personal values and pleasures versus external benefits. They know how to take initiative and commit to their goals and can influence others to do the same.

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Why emotional intelligence is important

Knowing how to recognize and manage your emotions is a valuable skill. Emotional intelligence can help you cope with difficult situations and approach life with a more positive or empowering perspective.

Emotional intelligence plays an important role in how you connect with other people. People with high EI know how to read social cues and ask the right questions. They’re also generally easy to be around. For these reasons, emotional intelligence allows you to build a robust support system, which can increase your self-esteem and overall well-being. 

Emotional intelligence is also considered a desirable skill in the workplace. One study found that people with emotional intelligence were better performers and less likely to experience burnout. Having a high EQ can help you effectively cope with pressure, resolve conflict, and motivate your colleagues to reach their goals. 

Conversely, people with low EI may be more likely to feel overwhelmed by their emotions or struggle to connect with others. This is because low EI can lead to misunderstandings and accountability issues. 

The truth about emotional intelligence

One of the biggest myths about emotional intelligence is that it makes people overly sensitive or more likely to act out of emotion. It’s true that people with EI are tuned into their emotions and the emotions of others, but that helps them make more sound and informed decisions. 

Another misconception is that emotional intelligence is something you’re born with. While some people are naturally more empathetic or better at inspiring others, emotional intelligence is a learned skill that develops over time.

If you’re interested in boosting your EI, there are several tips to help — starting with naming your emotions. Once you’re aware of your emotions, you can begin to see how they impact your behaviors, beliefs, and the way you connect with others. 

Other strategies to increase emotional intelligence include:

• Engaging in meditation and mindfulness exercises
• Practicing active listening, which means fully focusing and listening without judgment or distractions 
• Taking accountability for your actions, both your wins and mistakes

Working with a therapist is another way to cultivate emotional intelligence. Therapy techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) help people reframe negative thoughts and cope with distressing emotions. Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) can help with self-awareness and stress reduction. Therapy can also address any underlying mental health conditions that might be impacting your EI, like anxiety or depression.

Find care with Rula

Emotional intelligence is a valuable tool for understanding your emotions and cultivating happiness and success in your life. It can also help you create positive change around you, like at work and in your relationships. It may not feel natural at first, but you can increase your EI with the right strategies and support. 

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.

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