What to do when you’re feeling unappreciated

No one likes to feel as though their efforts or contributions aren’t important. Feeling unappreciated can erode your self-esteem and increase your risk of burnout. Over time, it can also lead to resentment and damage your relationships. 

Of course, we can’t force people to demonstrate gratitude, even if it’s well-deserved. But fortunately, you can do some things to manage discomfort and work together with your loved ones when you’re feeling unappreciated. Consider these tips. 

1. Self-reflect

Often, feeling unappreciated stems from unmet expectations or feeling taken advantage of. But that isn’t necessarily the case for everyone. Pause to consider where you think your feelings are coming from. 

When you think about the people who are unappreciative, what were you hoping they’d do or say in response to your efforts? Is it possible they’re showing appreciation in other ways you might have overlooked? Identifying why you’re feeling unappreciated can help you manage this experience and make positive changes.

What this could sound like: “After thinking about it, I realized that I was starting to resent my roommate for never verbally thanking me for all the cleaning I do. But she often boasts to others how good I keep the place looking. Maybe that’s her way of showing appreciation.”

2. Set some boundaries 

The efforts to maintain a relationship aren’t always split 50/50. People’s needs and their capacity to help can change based on many factors. But if you realize you’re pouring yourself into relationships with people who rarely offer support, it might be time to rethink your boundaries. 

What this could sound like: “I only hear from my brother when he needs something. Like last month, he needed help moving again, so he called me. But if I ask for a small favor, like a ride to the airport, he doesn’t call me back. This has been going on for years, so I’ve decided to be less available to him moving forward.”

3. Audit your impact 

You might not be getting the gratitude or accolades you’d hoped for. But that doesn’t mean that you’re not having a positive impact. Try to zoom out and see the big picture. Consider how what you do each day affects others, even in small ways. This perspective shift can help you stay connected to your purpose and cultivate appreciation for yourself.

What this could sound like: “As a parent, sometimes my sacrifices feel invisible. My kids don’t seem to understand what it takes to keep this household afloat. But when I take a step back, I can see that they’re growing into smart, kind, thoughtful people. I’m proud of that accomplishment.”

4. Practice self-care 

When you’re feeling depleted or unappreciated, try to make time for some self-care. It doesn’t have to be a trip to the spa or an expensive vacation. Just do something that energizes you and lifts your spirits, whatever that may be. Self-care can be a way of increasing your self-esteem and affirming that you’re worthy of appreciation.

What this could sound like: “Between work and all my other responsibilities at home, I rarely have time for myself. I usually focus on taking care of everyone else, but this week, I’m trying something new. I’m blocking out an hour on Sunday morning to have coffee with a friend and letting my family know that I won’t be available during that time.”

5. Talk about it 

Someone may not realize they’re being unappreciative in some situations. Or they may not even be aware of all that you’re doing. Depending on your dynamic with the person, you can consider sharing how you’re feeling. It’s OK to request acknowledgement or share your expectation — especially if you’re continuing to go above and beyond.

What this could sound like: “Over the past three months, I’ve had to work tons of extra hours to cover for my colleague who’s on leave. We’re a small, tight team, so most of the time, I don’t mind lending an extra hand. But the added work is starting to get overwhelming, and my boss hasn’t mentioned it. So I scheduled a meeting to review my current workload and ask for help.”

6. Try therapy 

You might feel unappreciated once in a while. And it’s not your fault if you’re not receiving the gratitude you deserve. But if you’re constantly feeling this way, it might be something to explore with a therapist. They can help you deepen your self-awareness, interrupt unhelpful patterns, increase your self-esteem, and more.

What this could sound like: “My therapist helped me see that my people-pleasing tendencies keep me from expressing my needs. She helped me set healthy boundaries so that I don’t feel so overworked all the time. Therapy also taught me that I don’t need to wait for other people to affirm my self-worth. I can recognize and celebrate my efforts and contributions on my own.”

Clinician's take

A common mistake people make when trying to get appreciation from others is overexplaining or overgiving in hopes it will finally be noticed. This often leads to burnout and resentment. Focusing instead on clear communication and balanced reciprocity tends to foster more genuine appreciation.

Ashley Ayala, LMFT

Clinical reviewer

Find care with Rula

Most of us like to be acknowledged for our hard work, care, and dedication. But being unappreciated can leave you feeling burned out and resentful. You can navigate this experience in healthy ways, including through self-reflection, setting boundaries, and talking about it with a therapist. With time, you can boost your self-worth and cultivate appreciation for yourself.

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.