It’s common to not know what you want from life. People often feel uncertain at different stages.
You can figure out what you want in life by reflecting on yourself, understanding your values, trying new things, and learning from others.
Therapy can help when you’re trying to figure out what you want from life. A therapist can guide you through confusion, offer support, and work with you to create a path forward.
It can feel overwhelming to figure out what you really want from life. Family, teachers, and friends often share strong ideas about the direction your life should take, and their opinions can influence your choices. Yet your path doesn’t have to stay the same forever. It can change and grow over time, evolving as your dreams and priorities shift.
Deciding what you want and don’t want in life is a process. It usually happens step by step rather than all at once.
Here are some tips to help you find clarity.
Reflect on your values
Think about what matters most to you. Consider if it’s family, creativity, service, independence, or something else entirely. When you live by your values, your life gains meaning and direction. Research has shown that for some people, living simply by consuming less and prioritizing relationships and community, is linked to greater well-being.
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Challenge negative thoughts
If you catch yourself thinking, “I don’t have what it takes to succeed,” or, “I’m too old to start something new,” pause and flip the script. Instead of tearing yourself down, try talking to yourself with kindness. This can sound like, “Even though I worry it’s too late to start something new, I’m open to the idea that I’m capable of anything I put my mind to.”
Negative self-talk often comes from low self-esteem or difficult past experiences, but you can learn to reframe it. By replacing harsh criticism with encouraging words, you give yourself the chance to go after what you want in life. If you’re not sure where to begin, therapy can provide tools and support.
Identify what you care about
Research shows that Americans name family as their greatest source of meaning, followed by career and financial security. Friends, hobbies, and faith are also important. Notice where your own values match up or differ.
You can journal on these topics and begin to explore where your values are and how you’d like to build upon them. Start with a prompt like, “What are the top five most important categories to me?” Then expand on each topic further by breaking down how you pour into those categories. You will start to notice that some areas of importance may be lacking the attention they deserve. This can help guide your choices.
Set realistic goals
Big dreams can seem overwhelming. Using S.M.A.R.T. goals (those that are specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-based), can help you take small steps toward success.
For example, if you want to move to a different state, your S.M.A.R.T. goals might look like this:
Specific: Research and choose the state you want to move to. Consider factors like employment, cost of living, weather, and quality of life.
Measurable: Plan to visit at least two cities and compare housing, jobs, and lifestyle options.
Attainable: Try to save $500 per month to cover moving expenses and plan the relocation step by step.
Relevant: Moving supports your goal of making a fresh start and enjoying the lifestyle you want.
Time-based: Give yourself a year to complete the move.
Seek out new experiences
Stepping outside your comfort zone can open the door to growth. Try taking a class, traveling somewhere new, volunteering, or learning about a different culture.
Fresh experiences can change how you see the world and help you discover a sense of purpose. Research shows that having purpose not only makes life more meaningful but can also improve your health and add years to your life.
Acknowledge what’s meaningful to you
Pay attention to the activities, people, and places that give you energy. Research shows a difference between finding happiness and meaning in life.
A happy life is about feeling good, while a meaningful life is about doing good, adding value to your life, and being true to yourself, even when it’s hard. You can balance both by blending short-term joy with long-term purpose.
Find a mentor
Think about the areas of your life or career where you want support. Do you need advice on choosing a career path, improving skills, or finding a balance in your personal life?
You may already know someone who has the qualities or experience you admire. If no one in your circle feels like the right fit, look at professional groups or alumni associations. Many industries also have mentorship groups you can join.
Find your motivation
Intrinsic motivation comes from curiosity and passion. It’s a powerful way to discover what you really want from life because it keeps you going even when there’s no reward or prize. For example, if you enjoy helping others, that interest might lead you toward a career in teaching, nursing, or another caring profession.
Work toward self-empowerment
When you feel empowered, you trust your ability to make decisions. It can help you bounce back from setbacks and keep moving toward what matters most. This confidence can also give you the courage to say yes to opportunities that fit your goals and no to those that don’t.
Consider therapy
Different therapy approaches can help when you’re trying to figure out what you want from life. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you notice and challenge unhelpful thought patterns like, “I’ll never be successful,” or, “I don’t deserve to be happy.”
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) focuses on clarifying your values and making choices that align with them. Existential therapy is especially useful if you’re having difficulty finding a sense of purpose. It encourages you to define your own meaning rather than relying on outside expectations.
When clients feel torn between their values and others’ expectations, I encourage them to pause and ask, ‘Which choice feels more like peace, and which feels more like pressure?’ Focusing on the feeling of alignment — rather than approval — helps them reconnect with what’s authentic and meaningful to them.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
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Whether you’re graduating from high school or college, starting over after divorce, or seeking a career change, therapy can help you discover what you want from life. A therapist can guide you in exploring your values, strengths, and desires in a safe, supportive space. They can also help you set meaningful goals, manage anxiety, and replace self-doubt with confidence.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Linda Childers
Linda is an award-winning medical writer with experience writing for major media outlets, health companies, hospitals, and both consumer and trade print and digital outlets.
Her articles have appeared in the Washington Post, USA Today, WebMD, AARP, Brain+Life, HealthyWomen.org, The Rheumatologist, California Health Report, Everyday Health, HealthCentral, and many other media outlets.
While juggling the responsibilities of being part of the “sandwich generation” and caring for both her toddler son and terminally ill mother, a nurse friend encouraged her to seek therapy, which helped her to learn coping strategies and manage her depression. Linda hopes her work will help to destigmatize mental health conditions and encourage others to get the help they need.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
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Rula's editorial team is on a mission to make science-backed mental health insights accessible and practical for every person seeking to better understand or improve mental wellness.
Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
