It can be hard to make and maintain friendships as an adult, but research shows that the benefits are worth it.
Friendships can lower stress and help regulate your body’s response to it, which may protect both your mental and physical health.
Feeling satisfied with your friendships — even if you don’t have many — can reduce loneliness, depression, and suicide risk.
It’s well-documented that having a strong support network, including friendships, is key to mental health. But some reports show that we’re in a “friendship recession,” with American adults — especially men — having fewer friends than ever. At the same time, people are experiencing higher rates of loneliness and isolation.
Even if it’s hard to make friends as an adult, the benefits are worth it. Here are several reasons why you should invest in platonic relationships.
Friendships reduce stress
Research shows that having strong and positive friendships can significantly reduce stress in the workplace, in life, and when overcoming adversity. One study found that having friends at work helped medical professionals manage their job-related stress. Another review found that good friendships could buffer the neurobiological effects that childhood adversity can have on adolescent brains.
In some cases, friendships can become a significant source of stress as well. This is especially true in toxic or abusive friendships. The key is to build healthy, long-lasting friendships. It can help to learn how to manage conflict, set boundaries, increase self-esteem, and practice self-compassion. These can all be buffers to making unhealthy friendships and maintaining healthy ones.
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Friends can boost your resiliency
Resilience is your ability to withstand and bounce back from life’s challenges, including traumatic events. We can’t prevent bad things from happening, but research shows that having good friends can make you significantly more resilient in the face of adversity. Your friends can offer support, encourage you to keep going, and help you find meaning when life feels overwhelming.
One study found that 14-year-olds who experienced trauma were more resilient with high-quality friendships. Another study indicated that teenagers who felt they had strong friendships were found to be more resilient.
A strong social network protects you from loneliness
Having close friends helps you feel like you matter and boosts a sense of belonging. Loneliness increases your risk for many physical and mental health problems. For example, lonely older adults have a higher mortality risk. Loneliness also increases your risk for mental health conditions like depression.
When you have good relationships with your friends, you’re more likely to feel seen, valued, and understood. Just having someone to call or spend time with can help loneliness go away.
Research shows that it isn’t necessarily about the number of friends you have. It’s more about how satisfied you are with the relationships. So, it might be beneficial to set realistic expectations for your friendships.
Friendships can help you learn and strengthen empathy
Empathy is a socioemotional skill that’s linked with stronger relationships, healthier conflict resolution, and better communication. People who are more empathetic are more likely to have higher life satisfaction and self-esteem.
Friendships give you a chance to practice empathy. You listen, notice how your friend feels, and imagine what it’s like to be in their place. Over time, this makes it easier to connect with friends, family, and other people in your life.
Having friends lowers your depression and suicide risk
Research shows that strong friendships can lessen depression risk and severity for both teens and adults.
But when you live with depression, you may be more likely to withdraw socially. You may not have the energy to meet with your friends. You might believe that you’re a “burden” or not worthy of friendship. Know that this isn’t true, and everyone deserves fulfilling relationships in their lives.
For some people with depression, having good friends can literally be a matter of life or death. Research has found that friendship quality can significantly lower suicide risk.*
If negative thoughts or depression are getting in the way of building lasting friendships, talking with a therapist could help.
A note on safety: If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts or thoughts about harming themself or others, please call or text 988 on any phone for the Suicide & Crisis lifeline, contact a local crisis line, or head to the emergency room immediately. Any of these resources will ensure that the person in crisis receives support right away. For more information on getting help, go to 988lifeline.org
If experiencing a life-threatening emergency or you need immediate help, please call 911.
Social support matters
Lastly, having friends provides you with someone to talk to and count on — both in times of joy and of need. Being able to share good news can make it feel more meaningful. And when life feels difficult, friends can listen, validate your feelings, and remind you that you matter.
Social support can be especially important when you live with a mental health condition. Having friends who understand your symptoms can make it easier to ask for help. Your friends can encourage you to keep up with treatment and help you feel less shame around your condition.
Tips to build and maintain healthy friendships
If you’re having a hard time making and keeping friends, you’re not alone. Friendships require time, effort, and patience. But it’s never too late to start.
Explore these tips:
Reframe negative thoughts. You may find yourself thinking, “Who’d want to be friends with me?” or, “Making friends is impossible at my age.” It may be helpful to push back against these thoughts and focus on your strengths, like your sense of humor or compassion, for example. A reframe might sound like, “I have a lot to offer a friendship. It’s just about finding the right people.”
Consider the places you frequent. You don’t have to completely change your schedule to meet new people. Think about the places you already go, like church or a local cafe, and consider interacting with other people there. A friendship can emerge from a simple conversation or a shared interest.
Reach out to people you already know. Are there people in your current social circle who you’d be interested in getting to know better? This can also be a good place to start. Take an inventory of acquaintances, and consider reaching out to those who you believe could become friends. Deepening the relationships you already have can be a more manageable start to building and strengthening friendships.
Time constraints, competing responsibilities, and geographic mobility can make maintaining a friendship difficult. Rebuilding and nurturing friendships in adulthood can be deeply protective for mental health. Start small, such as weekly text check in. Over time, you can feel more comfortable calling and sharing deeper things going on.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
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Friendships are one of the most powerful protectors of mental health. They can reduce stress, build resilience, and ease loneliness. They can even protect against depression and suicide. But building friendships can present its own challenges, especially as an adult. If you’re having a hard time maintaining connections or mental health conditions are standing in the way, therapy can help.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
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Saya Des Marais
Saya graduated with her Master in Social Work (MSW) with a concentration in mental health from the University of Southern California in 2010. She formerly worked as a therapist and motivational interviewing trainer in community clinics, public schools, mental health startups, and more.
Her writing has been featured in FORTUNE, GoodRX, PsychCentral, and dozens of mental health apps and therapy websites. Through both her clinical work and her personal OCD diagnosis, she’s learned the importance of making empathetic and accurate mental health content available online.
She lives in Portland, Oregon but you can find her almost just as often in Mexico or in her birthplace, Tokyo.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
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Rula's editorial team is on a mission to make science-backed mental health insights accessible and practical for every person seeking to better understand or improve mental wellness.
Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
