If you’re having a hard time coping with the loss of a pet, remember that your grief is valid and you’re not alone.
While nothing can remove the pain of your loss, learning more about pet grief can help you feel less alone, understand your emotions, and find healthy ways to cope during this difficult time.
Having a pet memorial, sharing positive memories, gathering with people who loved your pet, and talking to a therapist can help you process your grief.
Over half the people on the planet own a pet, and that number is on the rise. For many of us, our pets are valued members of the family. Losing one can feel like losing a best friend, loved one, or an important source of emotional support.
So if you’re grieving a pet, please know that you’re not alone. Nothing can replace your beloved companion, and it’s OK if you don’t feel like yourself right now. But learning more about pet grief can help you cope with your loss as you navigate this challenging time.
What to expect when grieving a pet
No one can fully predict how the death of a pet will affect them. But researchers who study pet grief have discovered some patterns.
Some people may not understand. After losing a pet, some people may experience something called disenfranchised grief. This is grief that isn’t socially validated and may carry stigma. Just remember that loss affects people differently, and there’s no right or wrong way to grieve a pet.
You may feel guilty. After your pet’s death, you may experience survivor’s guilt and wonder why you’re still here but your pet isn’t. People whose pets suffered in their final days or hours may also be more likely to experience guilt, especially if they didn’t choose euthanasia.
There are some common triggers. Seeing your pet’s belongings (like their leash or toys) may bring painful feelings to the surface. And certain days, like their adoption anniversary or birthday, may be especially difficult.
Grief may last a long time. You may feel social pressure to “get over” the loss of your pet before you’re ready. But research shows that prolonged grief frequently accompanies pet loss — especially if you had a deep bond with your companion.
During this time, it’s important to remember that the grieving process isn’t linear. This means you might not move through the stages of grief in a straight line or in a set order. After losing a pet, you may feel denial one day, anger the next, and then sadness again — and that’s a normal part of moving through the five stages of grief.
The stages of grief often show up in different ways and may include:
Denial: “There’s no way he’s gone. I just can’t accept that this is real. I keep expecting him to greet me at the door.”
Anger: “How could this happen? She didn’t deserve this! I thought we had so many good years ahead of us.”
Bargaining: “If I had just taken him to the vet last week, this wouldn’t have happened. There are so many things I would have done differently if I had the chance.”
Depression: “I can’t eat, sleep, or get out of bed. My whole world seems dark, and I feel so alone.”
Acceptance: “I will always love and miss my sweet boy. But I want to move forward and celebrate all the joy he brought to our lives.”
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Healthy ways to mourn the loss of your pet
The following strategies can help you cope with the loss of your pet in healthy ways.
Have a memorial. Just as funerals help us honor our human losses, you can have a memorial service for your pet. Share pictures, play music, read a poem (like “The Rainbow Bridge”), or do anything else that brings you comfort. You can also mark the occasion by planting a tree, placing a memorial plaque, etc.
Celebrate the good memories. During sad times, it can be helpful to remember all the funny, positive things about your pet. Gather together with the people who loved your pet, and swap your favorite stories.
Be patient with yourself. As mentioned, the grieving process can last a long time. You’ll have good days and bad days, so try to be patient with yourself. Also, try to avoid pressure to move on too quickly. For example, don’t feel rushed to get a new pet until you're sure it’s the right time.
Ask for help. If you’re having difficulty dealing with the loss of your pet, don’t hesitate to ask for help. On its own, grief isn’t a mental health condition. But if it lasts longer than expected and impacts your ability to function, it may be a good idea to seek professional help. Therapy can provide a safe space to mourn your loss and deal with your grief in healthy ways.
When others don’t understand, it can help to share your grief with people who do — in a support group, with a therapist, or even by writing it down. Your bond was real, and your grief is real too.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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If you’re having a hard time coping with the loss of your pet, remember that you’re not alone. Losing a pet can feel like losing a family member. But this form of grief isn’t always validated or widely discussed. During this difficult time, it may help to learn about pet loss and what you might expect from the grieving process.
Whether you’re mourning a human or a pet, grief isn’t linear. You may have good days and bad days and move through the five stages of grief in any order. Just try to be patient with yourself, and do whatever brings you comfort as you navigate this experience. This might mean having a memorial for your pet, gathering with people who loved them, celebrating positive memories, and seeking professional help if you need it.
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Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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