Long-distance friendships, like any relationship, have their challenges. But research shows that you can maintain a fulfilling friendship even when you’re far apart.
Using technology, having patience in busy seasons, addressing conflict respectfully, and honoring milestones can help keep long-distance friendships strong.
It’s OK to detach from a friendship that feels forced or one-sided. If you’re grieving the loss of a friendship, doing some self-care, leaning on your other friends, or talking to a therapist can help.
If you have a long-distance friendship, you might worry about being able to stay close.
However, research shows that long-distance friendships can work and can even thrive. The way you connect and relate to each other may need to change — especially if you’re used to spending time in person. But long-distance friendships may be more durable and flexible than you think.
A study comparing long-distance and close-distance friendships found that 80% of participants with long-distance friendships felt their relationships were deepening in commitment rather than decreasing. In other words, it might take some effort, but you can become emotionally closer to a friend who lives many miles away.
The following tips can help you maintain fulfilling, long-distance connections with the people you care about.
1. Use technology
Checking in via text or email can be a great way to stay connected day to day. You can send photos, funny memes, or anything else that might brighten your friend’s day. But it can also be helpful to make time for phone or video calls. Depending on your schedules, this might not be something you can do all the time.
But hearing each other’s voices and seeing each other’s faces once in a while can make you feel more connected. You can make it extra fun by thinking outside the box. Plan to eat a meal or have coffee together, play a virtual game, or do an activity — like knitting or drawing — that you both enjoy while you’re on the call.
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2. Have patience
Sometimes, friendships can become strained when it feels like there’s an imbalance in effort or communication. For example, maybe your friend just moved and started a new job, and they’re extremely busy. You might feel hurt or disappointed if they don’t return their calls or texts right away. You may even start to wonder if your friendship is no longer a priority.
Before you let yourself spiral, try to remember what’s going on in your friend’s life and have some patience. Like all relationships, friendships ebb and flow, and there’ll be times when you have less time to connect. Let your friend know that you’re thinking about them and looking forward to chatting when they’re free.
3. Acknowledge discomfort
Most long-term friendships will face conflict at some point. From time to time, you might disagree or hurt each other’s feelings. Conflict is a natural part of most relationships, and it’s how you handle it that counts.
However, conflict resolution can be tricky when you aren’t in the same space and can’t talk face to face. You might be tempted to bottle up your feelings for the sake of peace. But if left unaddressed, uncomfortable feelings can turn into resentment that can seriously damage your connection.
So the next time your long-distance friend says something that bothers you, bring it up in a respectful way. For example, you can text them something like, “Hey, something you said the other day didn’t sit well with me. Can we make some time to talk about it this week? I care about you, and I want to understand where you’re coming from.”
4. Honor the milestones
Try to acknowledge important things happening in your friend’s life — big and small.
Set a reminder for important dates like birthdays and anniversaries so you don’t miss them. And be sure to check in when you know something big is happening, like if your friend is up for a promotion at work or their parent is having surgery. You can call or text with an encouraging message. But it can also be meaningful to send some “snail mail” once in a while, like a card, flowers, or special care package.
These thoughtful gestures are like little tugs on the invisible strings of connection between friends. They can keep you feeling close even when you’re far apart.
5. Detach with kindness
Whether you live in the same neighborhood or on the other side of the world, ending a friendship can be incredibly painful. But sometimes, that’s the healthiest choice.
For example, maybe you’re tired of being the only one to reach out only to receive little to no response. Or maybe your communication seems forced, or you had a major fight. Friendships can end over conflict, but they can also end because life takes you in different directions.
No matter the reason for the decision, it’s OK to end friendships that no longer serve you. You can let go, wish them well, and detach with kindness. Just be sure to make time for self-care and lean on your support system as you grieve the friendship.
Emotional closeness comes from feeling seen and valued, not just from being in the same room. Even small, consistent check-ins can keep a friendship strong across distance.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Like all relationships, long-distance friendships have their ups and downs. But with some effort and commitment, you can maintain a fulfilling connection across the miles. However, if you’re struggling with a changing friendship or grieving the loss of a close relationship, know you’re not alone. Do some self-care, lean on your other friends, and reach out to a therapist (if needed) for extra support.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
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Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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