Why vulnerability matters for men’s mental health

Traditional masculinity provides a pretty narrow definition of what it means to be a man. Picture the stereotypical “macho” guy. He’s physically big, strong, and muscular. But he has a specific personality too. He’s domineering and takes charge without hesitation. He doesn’t show certain emotions, because that could signal weakness. These harmful stereotypes have made it harder for many men to be vulnerable and ask for help.

Vulnerability is the ability to reflect the truth about yourself even if it’s uncomfortable. It means opening up as our most authentic selves and sharing our emotions, thoughts, and experiences with others. Being vulnerable isn’t always easy. However, it can be especially difficult for men due to societal messages about masculine ideals. Learning more about men and vulnerability is especially important. That’s because 65% of men said they’re hesitant to seek professional help for mental health concerns such as stress, anxiety and depression.

Why men might struggle with vulnerability

If you’re a man who struggles with vulnerability, you’re not alone. Many factors make it hard for men to express themselves authentically. These include: 

• Vulnerability is practiced. Vulnerability is a trait, but it’s also a skill. Unfortunately, many men were never encouraged or modeled how to practice it. From childhood onward, boys are taught to avoid emotional expression. 

• Vulnerability can be seen as feminine. Emotional vulnerability is linked to femininity in patriarchal societies. Men are often pressured to avoid anything that could be seen as feminine.

• Men are taught not to ask for help. Common phrases like “man up” or “take his man card away” might seem harmless at first. But their underlying message — that a man should be able to handle any hardship without straying from the male stereotype — can have serious consequences.

• Men might have had negative experiences in the past. Past experiences can sometimes make vulnerability a challenge. For example, maybe a man tried opening up to someone and was met with nonacceptance, like ridicule or mocking. This may reduce the likelihood of them being vulnerable again in the future.

• Men may feel ashamed of their emotional challenges. They feel that they make them less of a “real man.” So they may avoid being vulnerable because they don’t want to acknowledge their perceived flaws.

How showing vulnerability benefits men

No one is immune to emotional struggles. However, not being able to open up can make emotions harder to manage. Research shows that men are four times more likely to die by suicide than women.* And of the 1 in 10 men who experience depression or anxiety, less than half will receive treatment. Becoming more comfortable with vulnerability can make it easier to ask for lifesaving support. But it can benefit men in other ways too. 

Vulnerability can help you:

• Foster deeper relationships with partners, friends, and family

• Signal to others that it’s safe to be vulnerable with you

• Experience the feeling of being loved and appreciated for who you truly are

• Play an active role in dismantling the stigma that keeps many men from opening up

• Live a more authentic life and cultivate resilience in the face of adversity

*A note on safety: If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself, don’t hesitate to ask for help. You can contact the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 from any phone. Their counselors will provide confidential support and resources to help keep you safe.

Learning to embrace emotional vulnerability

It may take some time to get more comfortable with vulnerability. But know that it’s achievable with some patience and practice. Here are some actionable tips that can help you get started:

1. Start small. What’s one small personal detail you can share with someone today? For example, if a coworker expresses something you can relate to, let them know. This simple interaction allows you to open up to another person. 

2. Challenge your fears. When you think about vulnerability, what scares you? Are you worried that you will be rejected? What would it be like to challenge that in the safety of a strong relationship? For example, imagine telling a good friend that you’re struggling in your marriage. What do you think they’d say?

3. Practice positive affirmations. Part of embracing vulnerability is shifting your inner dialogue. You can use affirmations like, “It takes a lot of strength to ask for help,” to remind yourself that vulnerability isn’t a sign of weakness.

4. Talk to a professional. Some therapists specialize in men’s mental health. They can help you practice vulnerability in a safe and private setting. They can also recommend complementary supports like group therapy for men.

Clinician's take

In therapy, men can unlearn the idea that expressing emotions is a sign of weakness. When men start to see vulnerability as strength, they often feel a new sense of relief and freedom to speak honestly about what they're going through.

Ashley Ayala, LMFT

Clinical reviewer

Find care with Rula

Boys and men are often taught to suppress emotions and avoid vulnerability. But being able to open up is important for mental and emotional well-being. Vulnerability can help you deepen your relationships, cultivate resilience, and live more authentically. If you’re struggling with vulnerability, you’re not alone. A therapist who specializes in men’s issues can help you practice vulnerability in a safe, supportive environment.

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.