Also known as parent-child role reversal, parentification is when a child takes on adult responsibilities that aren’t appropriate for their age.
Parentification can cause stress, anxiety, and difficulty setting boundaries.
This type of role reversal can have lasting effects on your relationships, sense of self, and mental well-being.
Growing up, did you take on more responsibility than other kids your age? You might have been regularly tasked with cooking dinner or caring for your younger siblings. Or maybe you felt responsible for keeping the peace in your family. These are examples of parentification.
Parentification is essentially a role reversal between a parent and child. With parentification, the parent relies on their child to handle responsibilities that are typically associated with adults. This type of behavior can affect your childhood, as well as your mental and emotional well-being later in life.
Signs of parentification
A parent's job is to nurture and care for their children. When the roles are reversed and a child is expected to manage their parent’s needs, it can lead to emotional or instrumental parentification.
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Emotional parentification
With emotional parentification, you become your parent's emotional support system. It can almost feel like you’re their therapist instead of their child. For example, you might be expected to listen to adult problems, keep secrets, or offer advice.
Unfortunately, this can place an unfair burden on the child. You might feel responsible for your parent's happiness or learn to suppress your own emotional needs.
Instrumental parentification
Instrumental parentification is when a child provides practical support for their parent. While age-appropriate chores can build a child’s confidence and self-esteem, instrumental parentification goes beyond a child’s abilities and comfort level. This includes things like grocery shopping, paying the bills, and caring for siblings or grandparents.
In many cases, parentified children are forced to take on part-time jobs or miss important events due to family responsibilities.
It’s not always easy to see the signs of parentification when you’re young. But as a parentified adult, you can recognize how parent-child role reversal may have impacted your childhood.
Some signs and symptoms of parentification in children include:
Feelings of guilt, shame, or worry
Difficulty connecting with peers your age
Difficulty enjoying or making time for age-appropriate activities
What causes overreliance on children?
With parentification, children take on more responsibility than is appropriate for their age. This often occurs when an adult is unable to provide reliable care for their family.
Certain situations and dynamics may increase a child’s risk of parentification. Common causes of parentification include:
Mental health conditions: Parental mental health concerns may require children to take on more responsibility at home.
Intergenerational trauma: Parentification may stem from intergenerational trauma caused by poverty, abuse, or neglect. Parents who were parentified may be more likely to pass that experience on to their children.
Single-parent homes: Parentification may be more common in single-parent homes where children take on the responsibilities of an absent spouse.
Low-income households: It’s also seen in low-income households where parents may have a hard time balancing multiple jobs and household tasks.
Long-term effects of parent-child role reversal
Parent-child role reversal can have lasting effects on your mental health, relationships, and overall quality of life. That type of pressure at a young age may contribute to anxiety, chronic stress, and trouble regulating your emotions.
Receiving inconsistent or unsupportive care as a child can also influence your relationships later in life. People with insecure attachment styles may find it difficult to trust others or become emotionally intimate. Parentified adults may also end up in codependent relationships or have trouble setting boundaries with their partners.
That said, the effects of parentification may not be all bad. Some people have reported that their experience helped increase their resilience and ability to cope with challenges. It also can also make you more self-reliant, which can enhance your sense of self.
Healing from the weight of parentification
Many children and teens carry the burden of parentification into adulthood. If you're someone who’s struggling to cope with the effects of parentification, know that healing is possible.
1. Acknowledge your experience
Give yourself permission to acknowledge that parts of your childhood were unfair or you were forced to grow up too fast. While you may be quick to justify your parent’s behavior or claim that it wasn’t that bad, validating your feelings and experience is an important part of healing.
2. Set healthy boundaries
Parentified adults may have trouble saying no or feel responsible for other people's happiness. If this resonates, remember that setting boundaries can help you prioritize your needs and figure out how you want to be treated by others.
3. Nurture your inner child
Through exercises like journaling and meditation, you can offer yourself the love and compassion you didn’t receive as a child. Nurturing your inner child can mean asking for what you need, like more hugs or positive words during difficult moments. It's also a chance to make space for small pleasures, like going for ice cream on a sunny day.
4. Speak with a therapist
Therapy can help you understand how your past influences your current thoughts, feelings, and relationships. With the support of a therapist, you can cultivate greater self-compassion and emotional resilience. You’ll also learn to develop healthy coping strategies for challenging situations and emotions.
Recognizing parentification can be eye-opening. It helps people see that what felt like ‘maturity’ was actually survival, and it allows them to start building relationships based on mutual care instead of obligation.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Although parentification isn’t a diagnosable mental health condition, it can still take a toll on your mental and emotional health. If your childhood experiences are impacting your current quality of life, know that support is available.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
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Alex Bachert
Alex Bachert is a freelance copywriter and mental health advocate. Since earning her masters degree in public health, she has focused her career on creating informative content that empowers people to prioritize their health and well-being. Alex has partnered with organizations like Ro, WellTheory, and Firsthand, and her work has been recognized by the Digital Health Association.
When she’s not writing about mental health, Alex is usually playing pickleball, meeting with her local board of health, or enjoying time with her three kids.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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