This quiz can help you understand if your partner’s behavior may show signs of narcissistic traits, like blaming or lack of empathy.
Even if your partner doesn’t have a diagnosis, their actions can still hurt you and affect your emotional health.
No matter your results, you deserve support, clear boundaries, and relationships in which you feel safe and respected.
Are you feeling confused or hurt by your partner’s behavior? One moment they’re charming, and the next, they’re cold, critical, or distant. You might start to second-guess yourself or wonder if you’re the problem. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone — and you’re not overreacting.
This quiz can help you notice patterns that may point to narcissistic traits, like blaming, control, or a lack of empathy. These behaviors can sometimes show up in people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), but they can also happen without a formal diagnosis. This quiz isn’t meant to label your partner. It’s only here to help you make sense of your experience and take the first step toward clarity.
A quick note about the words we use: In this article, we’ll be talking about relationships that show signs of narcissistic traits. It’s important to know that someone can act in hurtful or controlling ways — like gaslighting, love bombing, or blaming others — without having a mental health diagnosis like narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
We also want to be careful with how we talk about people. You might hear the word “narcissist” a lot online, but we try to focus on behaviors instead of labels. That’s because everyone — including those who show narcissistic traits — deserves kindness, respect, and access to quality mental healthcare.
Take the test for narcissistic traits in a partner
You might be here because something doesn’t feel right in your relationship. Maybe your partner puts you down, shifts blame onto you, or seems more focused on their own needs than your feelings. If you’ve been questioning whether these could be signs of narcissistic traits, this quiz can help you reflect.
There are 13 questions written by a mental health professional. For each one, choose the answer that fits best: always, sometimes, or rarely/never. Don’t overthink it — go with your first instinct. This quiz isn’t a diagnostic tool, but it can give you a clearer picture of what you’ve been experiencing.
Does your partner tend to either shower you with praise and adoration or pull away and disregard your emotions (with little in between)?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Does your partner seek almost constant praise and attention and become distressed when they don’t receive it?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
When you bring up a concern to your partner, do they tend to get defensive or criticize your concern as an overreaction?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Does your partner act like they’re better than other people or frequently talk negatively about others?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Does your partner become defensive or angry when you express concerns?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Does your partner tend to get angry or stressed from small triggers?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Does your partner try to control your choices, friendships, or how you spend your time?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Does your partner become jealous quickly, even when there’s no threat to the relationship?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Does your partner have a hard time taking accountability when they’ve hurt you?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Is your partner emotionally unpredictable, leaving you feeling like you have to “walk on eggshells” around them?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Does your partner twist stories so they appear to be the victim or the hero?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Do you feel emotionally drained or anxious when you’re around your partner?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Do you feel like you have to choose your words wisely around your partner and can’t speak freely?
Always
Sometimes
Rarely/Never
Quiz content written by Lolly Coleman, MS, LMFT.
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What your results mean for your relationship
This quiz was created by a licensed mental health professional and is based on research into narcissistic personality traits and relationship dynamics. While not a diagnostic tool, it can help you reflect on patterns in your relationship that may be emotionally harmful or confusing.
The goal isn’t to label your partner. It’s to give you language for what you might be experiencing and help you make sense of your feelings. No matter your results, your concerns are valid, and your emotional safety matters. If you're noticing signs of covert emotional abuse or wondering whether you're in a trauma bond, exploring those questions with support can help you stay grounded.
Here’s how to interpret your score:
Mostly “Always”
Your partner may have narcissistic traits. You might feel blamed for everything, constantly on edge, or unsure of your own reality. These are common effects of being in a relationship with someone who uses manipulation, lacks empathy, or prioritizes their needs over yours.
Some people in these situations live with someone who shows signs of NPD — including covert forms that can be harder to recognize at first. You might feel both hurt and deeply attached, which could suggest a trauma bond.
If this resonates, you’re not imagining it — and you don’t have to figure it out alone. Talking to a therapist or exploring support groups can be an important step in recovering from narcissistic abuse and reclaiming clarity and safety.
Here are a few things to keep in mind as you consider your next steps:
It’s important to prioritize your mental health. Set boundaries that protect your emotional well-being, even if your partner resists or doesn’t understand.
Support is available for people with NPD. If your partner decides to seek treatment, healing is possible — but the decision must be theirs.
Leaving is a valid option. If the relationship feels unsafe, unpredictable, or emotionally draining, it’s OK to choose to step away.
Mostly “Sometimes”
Your partner might show some narcissistic traits, which could be rooted in another mental health condition or relationship pattern. You may feel confused by the inconsistency — moments of kindness followed by blame or emotional distance.
This doesn’t necessarily mean your partner has a personality disorder, but some behaviors may still reflect covert narcissism or subtle forms of emotional control.
Here are some next steps you might consider:
Start tracking patterns in your relationship. Notice when things feel off, what triggers emotional shifts, and how you typically respond.
Set small, clear boundaries, and see how your partner reacts. Healthy relationships allow room for boundaries without punishment or guilt.
Talk to a therapist who understands emotional abuse and/or narcissistic traits. They can help you sort through mixed signals and build confidence in your perceptions.
Mostly “Rarely/Never”
Your partner likely doesn’t show narcissistic traits. That doesn’t mean your relationship is perfect — no relationship is — but it suggests that narcissism may not be the core issue behind the challenges you’re experiencing.
Still, if you’re feeling unheard, disconnected, or emotionally drained, those feelings are valid and worth exploring. You deserve support, whether that’s through:
Talking to a therapist to clarify your needs and boundaries
Having open, respectful conversations with your partner about how you're feeling
Taking space to reconnect with yourself and your values
Even in healthy relationships, it's OK to pause, reflect, and ask what you need to feel secure and seen.
One pattern I encourage people to watch for is when someone makes you question your memory or feelings a lot. If you often doubt yourself, it could be a sign of emotional manipulation. A therapist can help you notice these signs and set healthy boundaries.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
Find care with Rula
If you’ve been feeling confused, anxious, or constantly blamed in your relationship, you’re not alone. Some partners may show signs of narcissistic traits, which can be hard to recognize at first. No matter what your quiz results indicate, support is available. A therapist can help you set boundaries, gain clarity, and begin to reconnect with your sense of safety and self.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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