In the months following an adoption, some parents may feel depressed, anxious, or overwhelmed due to post-adoption depression (PAD).
While PAD is similar to postpartum depression (PPD), they’re not identical. PAD is caused by the unique psychological and social challenges that often accompany adoption.
Talking to other adoptive parents, learning about PAD, preparing for hard days, and seeking professional help (if needed) can help you manage PAD and strengthen your mental health during this new life chapter.
Post-adoption depression (PAD) occurs when an adoptive parent experiences depressive symptoms after adopting a child. Research suggests that it might be a common experience for adoptive parents. One study found that PAD affects around 28% of new mothers in the first 4 weeks post adoption, around 26% between 5 to 12 weeks, and around 13% at 13 to 52 weeks.
PAD shares some features with postpartum depression (PPD). PAD and PPD can both be characterized by sadness or low mood, a loss of energy, social withdrawal, irritability, and other symptoms. They can both result from the stress of a major life event and the identity shift that comes with becoming a parent. But some important differences set these conditions apart.
However, adoptive parents face unique psychological and social challenges that can affect their mental health. Learning more about these stressors can help you spot the signs of PAD in yourself or your co-parent and know when to seek support.
Symptoms of post-adoption depression
The symptoms of PAD can look similar to depression. After adopting a child, you may experience:
Sadness or a depressed mood
Irritation or agitation
Isolation
Loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy
Changes in appetite
Unwanted weight loss or gain
Fatigue
Trouble with focus and concentration
Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or shame
As you review these symptoms, keep in mind that PAD — unlike PDD or major depressive disorder (MDD) — isn’t an officially recognized mental health condition. In other words, you can’t receive a clinical diagnosis of PAD. More research is needed to understand PAD.
But remember that you don’t need a diagnosis to ask for help. If you’re struggling with your mental health for any reason after adopting a child, you deserve support.
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Why some adoptive parents experience depressive symptoms
For some people the hormonal changes that occur after childbirth can contribute to PPD. But PAD doesn’t involve some of the biological factors that may contribute to other forms of depression.
But adoptive parents face unique challenges that may lead to depression, including:
Unmet expectations: For some adoptive parents, life with their new child might not be what they expected. Sometimes, having unrealistic ideas about becoming an adoptive parent can lead to disappointment when reality hits. This can be especially true if you don’t have adequate social support.
Unexpected grief: Some parents may have experienced fertility problems or other parenting challenges before deciding to adopt. In some cases, finalizing an adoption may reopen those wounds. It may signal a concrete ending to the possibility of biological parenthood.
Pre-existing mental health concerns: If you already are experiencing depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions, the stress of new parenthood may worsen your symptoms. If you’re noticing an increase in mental health symptoms, it’s important to ask for help right away.
Perceived inadequacy: If you don’t instantly bond with your new child, you might question your parenting abilities. You might worry that you’re not a good enough parent if there isn’t “love at first sight.” However, remember that attachment isn’t always instant. It can build in time as you and your child get to know each other.
Four ways to cope with post-adoption depression
Throughout your adoption journey, you can learn to cope with PAD in healthy ways.
Learn about PAD. Learning about the signs, symptoms, and prevalence of PAD can help resolve any shame you might be feeling. It can also help you reframe this experience as a temporary struggle, not a sign of failure as a parent.
Talk to other adoptive parents. There’s nothing quite like receiving support from people who understand what you’re going through. Other adoptive parents can share how they navigated challenging times and help you feel less alone.
Prepare for tough days. You won’t be able to predict every challenge you’ll face after adopting your child. But having realistic expectations about potential struggles can help you weather the tough days and prevent depressive symptoms from taking hold.
Seek adoption-informed mental healthcare. Whether you’re experiencing post-adoption grief, attachment issues, or other concerns, know that asking for help is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family. There are therapists and psychiatrists who can help you overcome the challenges of becoming an adoptive parent.
An early, often-overlooked sign of post-adoption depression is when joy feels harder to access than expected. Parents may go through the motions of caregiving but feel disconnected or numb inside.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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If you’re feeling sad, overwhelmed, or irritable after adopting your child, you might be experiencing PAD. While not an officially recognized mental health condition, research suggests that it’s common among new adoptive parents.
Experiencing PAD doesn’t mean that you aren’t a good parent or can’t bond with your child — and it won’t last forever. To cope, you can educate yourself about PAD, connect with other adoptive parents, set realistic expectations, and seek adoption-informed mental healthcare.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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