Key Takeaways
In the months following an adoption, some parents may feel depressed, anxious, or overwhelmed due to post-adoption depression (PAD).
While PAD is similar to postpartum depression (PPD), they’re not identical. PAD is caused by the unique psychological and social challenges that often accompany adoption.
Talking to other adoptive parents, learning about PAD, preparing for hard days, and seeking professional help (if needed) can help you manage PAD and strengthen your mental health during this new life chapter.
Post-adoption depression (PAD) occurs when an adoptive parent experiences depressive symptoms after adopting a child. Research suggests that it might be a common experience for adoptive parents. One study found that PAD affects around 28% of new mothers in the first 4 weeks post adoption, around 26% between 5 to 12 weeks, and around 13% at 13 to 52 weeks.
PAD shares some features with postpartum depression (PPD). PAD and PPD can both be characterized by sadness or low mood, a loss of energy, social withdrawal, irritability, and other symptoms. They can both result from the stress of a major life event and the identity shift that comes with becoming a parent. But some important differences set these conditions apart.
However, adoptive parents face unique psychological and social challenges that can affect their mental health. Learning more about these stressors can help you spot the signs of PAD in yourself or your co-parent and know when to seek support.
Symptoms of post-adoption depression
The symptoms of PAD can look similar to depression. After adopting a child, you may experience:
Sadness or a depressed mood
Irritation or agitation
Isolation
Loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy
Changes in appetite
Unwanted weight loss or gain
Fatigue
Sleep problems
Trouble with focus and concentration
Feelings of worthlessness, guilt, or shame
Anxiety about becoming a parent
As you review these symptoms, keep in mind that PAD — unlike PDD or major depressive disorder (MDD) — isn’t an officially recognized mental health condition. In other words, you can’t receive a clinical diagnosis of PAD. More research is needed to understand PAD.
But remember that you don’t need a diagnosis to ask for help. If you’re struggling with your mental health for any reason after adopting a child, you deserve support.
Why some adoptive parents experience depressive symptoms
For some people the hormonal changes that occur after childbirth can contribute to PPD. But PAD doesn’t involve some of the biological factors that may contribute to other forms of depression.
But adoptive parents face unique challenges that may lead to depression, including:
Unmet expectations: For some adoptive parents, life with their new child might not be what they expected. Sometimes, having unrealistic ideas about becoming an adoptive parent can lead to disappointment when reality hits. This can be especially true if you don’t have adequate social support.
Unexpected grief: Some parents may have experienced fertility problems or other parenting challenges before deciding to adopt. In some cases, finalizing an adoption may reopen those wounds. It may signal a concrete ending to the possibility of biological parenthood.
Pre-existing mental health concerns: If you already are experiencing depression, anxiety, or other mental health conditions, the stress of new parenthood may worsen your symptoms. If you’re noticing an increase in mental health symptoms, it’s important to ask for help right away.
Perceived inadequacy: If you don’t instantly bond with your new child, you might question your parenting abilities. You might worry that you’re not a good enough parent if there isn’t “love at first sight.” However, remember that attachment isn’t always instant. It can build in time as you and your child get to know each other.
Four ways to cope with post-adoption depression
Throughout your adoption journey, you can learn to cope with PAD in healthy ways.
Learn about PAD. Learning about the signs, symptoms, and prevalence of PAD can help resolve any shame you might be feeling. It can also help you reframe this experience as a temporary struggle, not a sign of failure as a parent.
Talk to other adoptive parents. There’s nothing quite like receiving support from people who understand what you’re going through. Other adoptive parents can share how they navigated challenging times and help you feel less alone.
Prepare for tough days. You won’t be able to predict every challenge you’ll face after adopting your child. But having realistic expectations about potential struggles can help you weather the tough days and prevent depressive symptoms from taking hold.
Seek adoption-informed mental healthcare. Whether you’re experiencing post-adoption grief, attachment issues, or other concerns, know that asking for help is one of the best things you can do for yourself and your family. There are therapists and psychiatrists who can help you overcome the challenges of becoming an adoptive parent.
Clinician's take
An early, often-overlooked sign of post-adoption depression is when joy feels harder to access than expected. Parents may go through the motions of caregiving but feel disconnected or numb inside.
Find care with Rula
If you’re feeling sad, overwhelmed, or irritable after adopting your child, you might be experiencing PAD. While not an officially recognized mental health condition, research suggests that it’s common among new adoptive parents.
Experiencing PAD doesn’t mean that you aren’t a good parent or can’t bond with your child — and it won’t last forever. To cope, you can educate yourself about PAD, connect with other adoptive parents, set realistic expectations, and seek adoption-informed mental healthcare.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
