Key Takeaways
- Many birth-giving parents experience postpartum rage, a sudden and intense anger in the months following childbirth.
- Postpartum rage can make it tough to care for yourself and your baby. But remember it’s not your fault, and it won’t last forever.
- If you’re a new parent who’s dealing with postpartum rage, practicing self-compassion, getting adequate sleep, and labeling your feelings can help. You can also ask your provider for a referral to a mental health professional if needed.
Having a baby can bring so many changes to your life. As you settle into this new chapter, you can expect a wide range of emotions. There may be moments of joy and happiness as you bond with your little one. But there are bound to be challenging moments too.
About 31% of birth-giving parents experience postpartum rage. It happens when you feel intense anger and frustration in the months after having a baby. This rage can arrive seemingly out of nowhere. It can be directed at your child, partner, family members, and even yourself.
Postpartum rage can be difficult to process at an already vulnerable time. You might feel guilty, ashamed, or confused. After all, this might not be what you expected your early days of parenthood to feel like. Rest assured that postpartum rage doesn’t make you a bad parent, and it’s not your fault. It’s usually a natural response to the changes caused by childbirth.
Learning to recognize the signs of postpartum rage can help you manage it and know when to ask for help. Remember, taking time to care for yourself isn’t selfish. Prioritizing your well-being can help you be the best parent you can be.
Recognizing postpartum rage
The symptoms of postpartum rage can vary from parent to parent. But it typically involves a burst of anger or irritability. You may be experiencing postpartum rage if you:
- Snap at your partner over mild annoyances or inconveniences
- Become impatient with your baby (like when they’re having trouble latching during chest/breastfeeding or won’t go to sleep)
- Find yourself shouting or yelling all the time, and that doesn’t feel like you
- Feel resentful about having to do everyday tasks like cooking or making doctor’s appointments
- Are angry at yourself for not feeling in control of your mood
- Worry you’re failing as a parent
- Constantly feel like you could lash out at any minute
Postpartum rage can start right after giving birth, or it could take longer to show up. For most people, these feelings subside over time. However, if they linger, it could be cause for concern.
On its own, postpartum rage isn’t a mental health condition. But in some cases, it could be a sign of postpartum depression, which typically requires professional help. So if your rage is affecting your ability to care for yourself or your baby, don’t hesitate to seek support.
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Causes leading to postpartum rage
Experts are yet to understand all the causes of postpartum rage. But they have identified some contributing factors, including:
- Hormonal imbalances: After having a baby, your progesterone and estrogen levels shift. This is a natural process, but it can contribute to temporary mood swings.
- Major changes: The postpartum period leads to massive changes for many parents. During this time it can be hard to sleep, feel connected to your partner, and adapt to your new identity. These changes may lead to increased anger and irritability.
- Mental health: If you had depression, anxiety, or another mental health concern before giving birth, you may be more prone to postpartum rage. Having a family history of these conditions may also increase your risk.
- Expectations vs. reality: Sometimes the reality of postpartum life might not be what you expected. You might find yourself having difficulty managing all the pressure of parenthood or feel like you’re being judged by society. This added strain can result in postpartum rage for some parents.
How to manage rage as a new parent
If you’re experiencing challenges with postpartum rage, some strategies that can help include:
- Practice self-compassion. Remember that what you’re experiencing isn’t your fault. Many people have postpartum rage, and it doesn’t make you a bad parent. Give yourself some grace, and have patience with yourself during this time.
- Identify and label it. When you feel rage bubbling up, take a breath and label it. You can say something to yourself like, “This feeling is postpartum rage. It doesn’t represent who I am or how I really feel.” Sometimes, creating some space between your identity and your emotions can help you manage them.
- Take a break. All parents need breaks once in a while. If your baby is in a safe, contained space (like a crib or bassinet), it’s OK to step away for a few minutes. Calm your anger by doing some breathwork or a mindfulness exercise before you reconnect with your little one.
- Get some rest. We know this is easier said than done — especially during the postpartum period. But see if your partner or a trusted loved one might be willing to take a turn getting up with your baby at night. And, if possible, try to squeeze in a nap while your baby sleeps during the day.
- Ask for help. If you’re finding it difficult to manage your emotions, talk to your doctor or your baby’s pediatrician. These providers are there to help you and your baby thrive during this important time. They understand the importance of postpartum mental health and can refer you to a therapist and/or psychiatrist who can help.
Feeling rage doesn’t mean you don’t love your baby. It often means your nervous system is overwhelmed and needs care, not shame. A therapist can help you process these feelings and find ways to feel more grounded.
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The postpartum period brings many changes. Right now, you may feel boundless joy, overwhelming stress, and everything in between. Some new parents experience something called postpartum rage. This is when they feel intense anger toward themselves or others in the months after giving birth.
While postpartum rage can be an unsettling experience, know that it’s not your fault. It’s often tied to the physical, emotional, and environmental changes brought on by having a baby. These feelings are usually temporary. But in some cases, they could be a sign of something serious, like postpartum depression. So if you’re a new parent and having trouble managing your mood, don’t hesitate to ask for help.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we’re here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
About the author
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
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