Many new parents experience relationship challenges after having a baby. This is often due to added stress, exhaustion, shifting identities, and other factors.
If you’re struggling to prioritize your partner right now, know that this time won’t last forever. There are small but meaningful things you can do to maintain your connection with your partner.
Sometimes the emotional and physical strain of new parenthood can feel overwhelming. Don’t hesitate to reach out to a friend, loved one, or couples therapist if you need support.
The postpartum period brings many changes. There will likely be moments of joy, frustration, worry, and everything in between as you settle into this new phase of life. During this time, you’ll probably be focused on keeping your little one safe and healthy. Meanwhile, you or your partner might be healing emotionally and physically from childbirth, all with limited time for self-care.
In this busy but exciting time, it can be tough to prioritize your relationship. Time and energy are limited resources, and a new baby can consume lots of them. Many couples experience a decrease in their romantic and sexual connection during the postpartum period. But with some time and patience, know that you can rekindle your relationship after having a baby.
Common postpartum relationship challenges
If you have a newborn and are feeling unsatisfied in your relationship, you’re not alone. Research shows this happens to most couples during the first year of parenthood.
This is likely due to common postpartum challenges, like:
Shifting identities: Becoming a parent often means getting to know a new version of yourself and your partner. It’s OK to grieve parts of your pre-baby life or to miss who you and your partner used to be.
Loneliness: They say it takes a village to raise a child. But it can be hard to find time to connect with your “village” when you’re busy with a newborn. Parents may feel isolated if they don’t have an active support system.
Physical exhaustion: Sleep deprivation is incredibly common for new parents. Late-night feedings and interrupted sleep can exhaust you. Not getting enough rest can take a toll on your mental health and relationship.
Lack of time: When you’re managing a household, raising a child, and working, it can be tough to find time for each other. Not having date nights or meaningful conversations can create a disconnect.
Financial strain: Having a new baby can lead to lots of extra expenses. Things like formula, diapers, car seats, and child care can add up. Financial struggles can add stress to your relationship.
Hormonal changes: Pregnancy and childbirth cause hormonal shifts for birth-giving parents. Sometimes this can lead to mood swings and increased irritability or rage.
Mental health challenges: All parents can experience mental health challenges like postpartum depression (PPD) after having a baby. Left untreated, PPD can cause safety concerns for parents and children.*
Unequal participation: Resentment can build when partners don’t do their fair share of household or parenting duties. Traditionally, birth-giving parents carry the bulk of the mental and emotional load of parenting.
*A note on safety: Postpartum depression can cause parents to have thoughts of harming themselves or their baby. If you need support, call 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) for 24/7, free, confidential support. If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself, don’t hesitate to ask for help. You can contact the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 from any phone. Their counselors will provide confidential support and resources to help keep you and your family safe.
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Why your relationship feels different after baby
If you’re like most people, your relationship will likely feel different after a baby. And that’s OK. You’re both adjusting to new roles, routines, and responsibilities. This transition can feel overwhelming. What matters most is making space to reconnect, even in small ways, as you settle into this new chapter together.
It’s also possible that the relationship strain you’re feeling may be tied to pre-baby stressors. In other words, maybe having a baby didn’t cause your relationship problems. But the added stress may have magnified existing issues. Either way, this challenging time won’t last forever, and it’s possible to repair your relationship.
Nurturing your romantic connection as new parents
If you’re looking to increase your connection and embrace intimacy as new parents, some things that can help include:
Scheduling regular check-ins: A quick but intentional check-in can help you feel more connected as partners. See if you can carve out 15 minutes (maybe while your baby is asleep) to talk about your relationship. Try to keep the conversation focused on each other, not the baby, during this time.
Getting creative with quality time: You might not have the time, energy, or financial resources for traditional date nights right now. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find fun ways to enjoy each other’s company. Plan small, at-home “dates” like watching a movie, eating your favorite dessert, or listening to music together.
Embracing nonsexual intimacy: You or your partner may not be ready to resume sexual activity. But you can still create closeness by holding hands, hugging, and cuddling. Nonsexual physical touch has been shown to increase well-being.
Asking for help: As you navigate new parenthood, it’s OK to seek outside help. A couples therapist can help you support each other and maintain your connection during this important time.
It’s normal to feel less connected when you’re sleep-deprived, touched out, or adjusting to new routines. But if you feel persistently hopeless, resentful, or emotionally numb — especially outside of interactions with your partner — it may be a sign of a condition like postpartum depression. If that’s the case, it’s worth reaching out for support.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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During the postpartum period, you may experience some changes in your relationship. As you focus on your baby, you may feel disconnected from your partner. This is a common experience for new parents. With time, patience, and potentially professional support, you can find your way back to each other and embrace this new chapter.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
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Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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