You might be aware of some of the more common effects of trauma, like flashbacks or hypervigilance. But shame is also very common in the aftermath of traumatic events.
Post-traumatic shame can make you feel like the trauma was your fault. It can erode your self-esteem and make it harder to seek support.
Fortunately, there are ways to interrupt the trauma-shame cycle. Releasing self-blame, knowing your triggers, leaning on your support system, and seeing a trauma-informed therapist can help.
The effects of trauma can be long-lasting. This includes ongoing trauma like abuse or neglect, as well as one-time events like natural disasters or accidents. When we have an experience that causes us to fear for our safety, we may move through life in fear and feel worried that we’ll be harmed again. For some people, these fears will resolve on their own in time. But for others, the impact of trauma can evolve into a serious mental health concern like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
While fear is a central component of trauma, it can also lead to other uncomfortable emotions, including shame. Shame can create the mistaken belief that you’re a bad person or that you’re somehow to blame for the trauma.
When something traumatic occurs, it’s natural to want to make sense of it and to try to understand why it happened. But trauma often has no simple answers. Without them, you may start to think that you experienced trauma because you deserved it. This is when post-traumatic shame can take hold and amplify the emotional impact of trauma.
Fortunately, learning more about the two-way relationship between trauma and shame can help you break the cycle and know when to ask for help.
How shame turns inward after trauma
One of the most damaging things about trauma is that it can affect how a person sees themself. Unlike guilt, which may cause you to think, “I did something bad,” shame reshapes identity. It may cause you to believe that you, as a person, are “bad.”
When a person internalizes shame in the aftermath of trauma, it may lead to:
Unfair blame: Post-traumatic shame can lead to self-blame. For example, if you experience bullying, you might think you deserve it because of some personal flaw.
Low self-esteem: Sometimes, post-traumatic shame can make you feel like you’re unworthy of love or respect. For example, if you experienced childhood trauma, you may have challenges with low self-esteem as an adult.
Greater risk of PTSD: Post-traumatic shame can be both a cause and a result of PTSD. Without support, shame can lead to social isolation in trauma survivors and prevent people from asking for help.
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How shame can deepen traumatic wounds
You might be familiar with some of the better-known effects of trauma. For example, maybe you’ve heard of flashbacks or the fight-or-flight response. But shame is another factor that can deepen traumatic wounds.
People who experience post-traumatic shame may be at greater risk of pathological avoidance. This is an unhealthy coping mechanism that stems from a desire to avoid the pain of shame. It can include things like social withdrawal or substance use disorder (SUD).
In addition, shame-based beliefs like, “I deserve what happened to me,” can make it harder to accurately process traumatic events. If you mistakenly think that the trauma was your fault or that you’re inherently damaged, it may prevent you from asking for help.
Breaking free of the trauma-shame cycle
When it comes to breaking free of the trauma-shame cycle, one of the best things you can do for yourself is to seek professional support. If possible, look for a therapist who specializes in trauma-informed care. These providers understand the unique ways that trauma can affect a person’s health and well-being. They can provide a safe, supportive environment to process trauma, release shame, and learn healthy coping skills.
In the meantime, there are also some individual strategies you can use to let go of shame, including:
Remember that no one deserves to be traumatized. No matter what happened, know that the trauma wasn’t your fault. Most likely, whatever you survived wasn’t something you could control. It’s OK to wish, in hindsight, that you had handled some part of the situation differently. But that doesn’t mean that you’re to blame for the trauma.
Pay attention to patterns. Shame can ebb and flow, depending on the day, time of year, environment, and other factors. See if you can notice when and where your shame tends to arise. For example, are there people, places, or things that spark feelings of shame for you? Knowing when you’re most at risk of a shame spiral can give you a chance to change course.
Use positive self-talk. Sometimes, shame can lead to negative self-talk. You might say things to yourself like, “I’m a terrible person,” or, “I deserve to be punished.” This sort of internal narrative can damage your self-esteem. So, when it happens, try to name it and replace it. For example, when one of those thoughts arises, pause and take a deep breath. Say something to yourself like, “That’s shame talking, and it doesn’t represent the truth about me.”
Strengthen your support network. Shame is known to lead to social withdrawal. But being isolated means you’re less likely to receive support. Think about the people in your life who make you feel good about yourself, and try to spend more time with them. If you need to broaden your support network, consider joining a group for trauma survivors.
One of the earliest signs I see that someone is moving past shame in their trauma recovery journey is when they start to talk about what happened without immediately apologizing or downplaying it. It shows they’re beginning to believe their story deserves to be heard without judgment.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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There are all sorts of emotions you might feel after experiencing trauma. But one of the most prevalent is shame. Shame can make you think that the trauma was your fault or that you deserved what happened. This can put you at risk for unhealthy coping mechanisms, social isolation, and low self-esteem. Shame can also make it harder to ask for help.
The good news is that you can interrupt the trauma-shame cycle with the right support. A trauma-informed therapist can help you cultivate self-compassion, discover the source of your shame, and learn healthy ways to overcome it.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
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Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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