Often, there’s an underlying reason for someone else’s overreaction, whether it’s stress or a mental health condition.
When someone overreacts, you can balance empathy with boundaries. This can show you understand their feelings while protecting your well-being.
A therapist can support you in setting healthy boundaries and building emotional resilience in moments of stress or conflict.
Maybe you asked a coworker if they could look over a report. They threw up their hands and said, “Are you kidding? I already have more work than I can finish today. Why does everyone keep dumping work on me?” before they storm off.
Your request was simple, but their reaction was far more intense than you expected. Moments like this can leave you feeling unsettled, unsure of what to say or how to deal with someone who’s overreacting.
Sometimes, when people overreact, it’s not about you. It might be because they’re feeling stressed, depressed, or dealing with something else in their life. Reminding yourself of this can make their reaction feel less confusing and hurtful.
Explore these common reasons people may overreact and examples of how you can respond.
Stress
You ask your partner if they remembered to pay the mortgage. They sigh and snap, “Why are you always on my case? I’m doing the best I can. I can’t handle one more thing right now.”
Their strong reaction isn’t about your question, it’s about the stress they’re carrying from work or personal struggles.
Rather than saying, “You’re overreacting,” which can make them defensive, try, “I can see you’re overwhelmed right now. How about if I take care of the mortgage this month so you don’t have to worry?” This response shows empathy and makes them feel supported.
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Past experiences
You casually ask a friend, “Hey, I didn’t hear back from you yesterday, did I do something wrong?” She gets upset and says, “Why does everyone think I’m a bad friend? I’m so tired of people judging me.”
Her reaction may come from past times when she felt judged or abandoned. Instead of pointing out that she’s overreacting, you could say, “I can see this touched a nerve. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Depression
You ask your sister, “Did you call mom and dad to wish them a happy anniversary?” She mutters sadly, “No, I forgot. I can’t get anything right. Everyone would be better off without me.”*
Her response may be coming from depression and your reminder triggered guilt and hopelessness.
You can show your support by saying, “Forgetting doesn’t make you a bad person. I sense that you’re carrying a lot, do you want to talk about it?” Letting her know that you’re available to talk can make a difference.
*A note on safety: The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline offers 24/7 confidential support through trained crisis counselors. If you or someone you care about is experiencing emotional distress, self-harm, or a suicidal crisis, please call or text 988. For life-threatening emergencies or immediate assistance, call 911.
Low self-esteem
You tell your son, “Your essay has a few spelling mistakes. Let’s fix them before you turn it in.”
A child with healthy self-esteem might say, “OK, I’ll correct them.” However, a child with low self-esteem might think, “I’m dumb. I hate writing.”
You might respond to them by saying, “A few spelling mistakes don’t mean you’re bad at writing. Everyone makes mistakes, even adults. Fixing them just makes your work stronger.” Praising effort, normalizing mistakes, and encouraging problem-solving helps build confidence and resilience.
Difficulty managing emotions
You tell a friend with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), “We have to leave in 10 minutes.” They roll their eyes and snap, “Can you stop rushing me all the time? I’m not a child.”
Time blindness — a trait associated with ADHD — can make transitions hard, and impulsivity can lead to quick reactions. Instead of arguing, you could say, “I get it, it can feel stressful when time is tight. Want me to set a timer so it doesn’t feel like I’m nagging?” That shifts the focus to teamwork, not blame.
Feeling unheard or invalidated
If someone feels dismissed or not taken seriously, their frustration can build up. For example, you tell your sister, “I think you might be worrying too much about this.”
She snaps, “You always act like my feelings don’t matter. Why do I bother talking to you?”
While you meant to reassure her, she took it as dismissing her feelings. You might say, “It sounds like this is really important to you, and I don’t want you to feel brushed off.” This validates her feelings and can help calm the situation.
When overreacting happens a lot
If someone you know is frequently overreacting, setting boundaries is essential to protect your own well-being.
A partner, close friend, or family member often overreacts and starts yelling angrily. You might say, “I want to understand you but can’t do that when voices are raised. Let’s take a break and talk later.”
You tell your child that they need to finish their homework before playing video games. They start to cry and slam a door. You might validate their emotions while encouraging healthier responses with, “You’re allowed to feel frustrated, but you’re not allowed to slam doors. If you need to cool off, you can take a break in your room.”
Your team missed a deadline, and your coworker started blaming you for an issue outside of your control. You can keep it professional and focused on shared goals with, “Let’s focus on solutions, not blame. Otherwise, I’ll need to pause this conversation.”
Tips for setting boundaries
When emotions are running high, it can be hard to not become defensive or upset. An overreaction can be triggering. Setting boundaries can protect your well-being and prevent the situation from spiraling out of control.
Consider these tips:
Stay calm, and keep your tone steady.
Be consistent, and repeat the boundary if it’s crossed again.
Follow through. If you say you’re going to walk away when a line is crossed, do it.
One powerful technique is learning to pause and ground yourself before responding. When someone close to you overreacts, your own nervous system can get pulled into their intensity. Taking a slow breath or giving yourself a brief moment to step back helps you respond with calm rather than react emotionally.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
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An overreaction from someone else can make you feel sad, confused, or even guilty. But often, this reaction isn’t about you. It’s more likely due to stress, overwhelm, or even a mental health condition like anxiety or depression. This doesn’t mean that you deserve to be treated disrespectfully, though.
Therapy can help you handle these situations with coping mechanisms and ways to set healthy boundaries. They can also help you process your emotions and build resilience so you don’t get swept up in someone else’s intensity.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Linda Childers
Linda is an award-winning medical writer with experience writing for major media outlets, health companies, hospitals, and both consumer and trade print and digital outlets.
Her articles have appeared in the Washington Post, USA Today, WebMD, AARP, Brain+Life, HealthyWomen.org, The Rheumatologist, California Health Report, Everyday Health, HealthCentral, and many other media outlets.
While juggling the responsibilities of being part of the “sandwich generation” and caring for both her toddler son and terminally ill mother, a nurse friend encouraged her to seek therapy, which helped her to learn coping strategies and manage her depression. Linda hopes her work will help to destigmatize mental health conditions and encourage others to get the help they need.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
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Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
