Verbal abuse is when someone often says mean things that hurt your feelings and make you feel bad about yourself, even if the abuse is subtle and not immediately obvious.
Signs of verbal abuse include being yelled at, ignored, or blamed. These behaviors can damage how you feel emotionally.
You can get help by setting limits, working with a therapist, and asking trusted people for support to feel safer and stronger.
Verbal abuse isn’t just occasional hurtful words. It can be constant criticism, name-calling, sarcasm, or silence that slowly wears down your confidence. It can be hard to notice, especially when it comes from someone you trust.
Nearly half of people in the U.S. have experienced verbal abuse in intimate relationships — and many more at work, with family, or in friendships. It can happen daily or in single moments that leave lasting pain. No matter the form, verbal abuse can affect your emotional health, self-esteem, and sense of safety. Your feelings are valid, and you’re not alone in wanting to heal.
A note to the reader: If you feel unsafe in your relationship for any reason, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by dialing 800-799-7233 for confidential support.
Recognizing signs of verbal abuse
It’s normal for people to disagree or get frustrated sometimes, but verbal abuse is different. It’s a repeated pattern of hurtful words or behaviors meant to control, shame, or wear you down. Sometimes, it’s loud and obvious. Other times, it’s subtle enough to make you question yourself. Either way, it can harm your confidence and emotional well-being.
Some common signs of verbal abuse include:
Yelling, name-calling, or making threats
Constant criticism, even when disguised as jokes
Dismissing your feelings by saying you’re “too sensitive” or “can’t take a joke”
Talking over you or ignoring you so your voice isn’t heard
Twisting your words to make you feel guilty or confused
Making you feel nervous, small, or afraid to speak up
Being kind in public but insulting or belittling you in private
If these sound familiar, remember: None of this is OK. You deserve respect and kindness, no matter what.
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Different types of verbal abuse
Verbal abuse can take many forms. Here are some common types, what they mean, and examples to help you spot them:
Name-calling and insults: Using hurtful labels — like “stupid” or “worthless” — that attack your self-worth
Example: A partner might say, “You’re useless. No one else would put up with you.”
Constant criticism: Repeatedly pointing out faults, even if masked as jokes, which wears down your confidence
Example: A parent might say, “You’re so sensitive. Can’t you take a joke?” when dismissing your feelings.
Threats and intimidation: Saying things meant to scare or control you, like threatening to leave or cut off money, which is a form of financial abuse
Example: Your partner might say, “If you keep asking about money, I’ll stop giving you any,” to try to control you.
Gaslighting: Denying or twisting reality to confuse you and make you doubt your memory or feelings
Example: Someone trying to undermine you might say, “I never said that. You’re imagining things.”
Silent treatment: Ignoring or refusing to speak to punish or control you, cutting off emotional connection
Example: A friend gives you the cold shoulder for days after you open up about something personal.
Dismissal of feelings: Making you feel like your emotions don’t matter, leaving you feeling invisible or unimportant
Example: Your parent tells you to “stop being so dramatic” when you express your feelings.
Public humiliation: Embarrassing or shaming you in front of others to damage your reputation and self-esteem
Example: A partner may make fun of your career choices during a family dinner to make you feel small and control the conversation.
Passive-aggressive comments: Using sarcasm or indirect remarks that hurt or frustrate you without direct confrontation, creating confusion and tension
Example: A coworker says, “Wow, you finally finished that report on time,” to criticize your work without openly discussing their concerns.
How verbal abuse can affect your well-being
Verbal abuse can leave marks you can’t always see, but the effects are real and lasting. Research shows that emotional abuse can be as damaging — sometimes even more so — than physical abuse.
Survivors often face challenges in three main areas:
Emotional and mental health: Constant criticism or humiliation can erode self-esteem and fuel anxiety or depression. Long-term effects may include post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and personality disorders. Sometimes, people respond to verbal abuse with what’s called reactive abuse — lashing out in frustration or self-defense. This reaction can add to feelings of guilt or shame, making it even harder to heal.
Relationships and trust: Experiencing verbal abuse can make it harder to trust others, open up emotionally, or set healthy boundaries. Some people withdraw to protect themselves, while others may end up in unhealthy patterns because mistreatment feels familiar.
Physical health: The stress from ongoing abuse can cause problems in your body over time. It can make you more likely to experience long-lasting health issues. This is true for all kinds of abuse because stress affects how your body works and can weaken your health.
These effects often build gradually, making them harder to spot until the impact feels overwhelming. Recognizing the signs early is an important step toward breaking the cycle and starting the healing process.
Support for addressing verbal abuse
If you’re experiencing verbal abuse, you’re not alone and help is available. Managing the effects of abuse might include practices like mindfulness, journaling, or talking with trusted friends. Therapy can provide a supportive space to heal, build confidence, and develop healthy coping skills. When you feel ready, seeking support to establish firm boundaries or safely address the behavior can be an important step toward reclaiming your well-being.
Deciding whether to stay in or leave an abusive relationship is deeply personal and can be challenging. Prioritizing your safety and mental health is important, and seeking guidance from a therapist or support network can help you make the best choice for you.
During the dealing process, remember to:
Manage your emotional health through self-care and therapy.
Communicate how the behavior affects you if it feels safe to do so.
Set clear, consistent boundaries to protect yourself.
Seek support from trusted people or professionals.
Reflect on whether the relationship supports your well-being or causes harm.
You deserve respect and kindness, and taking action to protect yourself is a sign of strength.
One misconception I often hear is that verbal abuse has to involve yelling or insults. In reality, it can be quiet and steady — sarcasm, constant criticism, or dismissive comments. Think of it like water dripping on stone. It doesn’t look dangerous at first, but over time, it can leave a deep mark on the stone.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Verbal abuse is a harmful pattern of words or actions that can slowly damage your confidence and emotional health. And it often comes from people you trust. Recognizing the signs and understanding its impact is important for protecting yourself. Remember, support is available to help you heal and learn to set healthy boundaries.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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