Key Takeaways
Verbal abuse is when someone often says mean things that hurt your feelings and make you feel bad about yourself, even if the abuse is subtle and not immediately obvious.
Signs of verbal abuse include being yelled at, ignored, or blamed. These behaviors can damage how you feel emotionally.
You can get help by setting limits, working with a therapist, and asking trusted people for support to feel safer and stronger.
Verbal abuse isn’t just occasional hurtful words. It can be constant criticism, name-calling, sarcasm, or silence that slowly wears down your confidence. It can be hard to notice, especially when it comes from someone you trust.
Nearly half of people in the U.S. have experienced verbal abuse in intimate relationships — and many more at work, with family, or in friendships. It can happen daily or in single moments that leave lasting pain. No matter the form, verbal abuse can affect your emotional health, self-esteem, and sense of safety. Your feelings are valid, and you’re not alone in wanting to heal.
A note to the reader: If you feel unsafe in your relationship for any reason, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by dialing 800-799-7233 for confidential support.
Recognizing signs of verbal abuse
It’s normal for people to disagree or get frustrated sometimes, but verbal abuse is different. It’s a repeated pattern of hurtful words or behaviors meant to control, shame, or wear you down. Sometimes, it’s loud and obvious. Other times, it’s subtle enough to make you question yourself. Either way, it can harm your confidence and emotional well-being.
Some common signs of verbal abuse include:
Yelling, name-calling, or making threats
Constant criticism, even when disguised as jokes
Dismissing your feelings by saying you’re “too sensitive” or “can’t take a joke”
Talking over you or ignoring you so your voice isn’t heard
Twisting your words to make you feel guilty or confused
Making you feel nervous, small, or afraid to speak up
Being kind in public but insulting or belittling you in private
If these sound familiar, remember: None of this is OK. You deserve respect and kindness, no matter what.
Different types of verbal abuse
Verbal abuse can take many forms. Here are some common types, what they mean, and examples to help you spot them:
How verbal abuse can affect your well-being
Verbal abuse can leave marks you can’t always see, but the effects are real and lasting. Research shows that emotional abuse can be as damaging — sometimes even more so — than physical abuse.
Survivors often face challenges in three main areas:
These effects often build gradually, making them harder to spot until the impact feels overwhelming. Recognizing the signs early is an important step toward breaking the cycle and starting the healing process.
Support for addressing verbal abuse
If you’re experiencing verbal abuse, you’re not alone and help is available. Managing the effects of abuse might include practices like mindfulness, journaling, or talking with trusted friends. Therapy can provide a supportive space to heal, build confidence, and develop healthy coping skills. When you feel ready, seeking support to establish firm boundaries or safely address the behavior can be an important step toward reclaiming your well-being.
Deciding whether to stay in or leave an abusive relationship is deeply personal and can be challenging. Prioritizing your safety and mental health is important, and seeking guidance from a therapist or support network can help you make the best choice for you.
During the dealing process, remember to:
Manage your emotional health through self-care and therapy.
Communicate how the behavior affects you if it feels safe to do so.
Set clear, consistent boundaries to protect yourself.
Seek support from trusted people or professionals.
Reflect on whether the relationship supports your well-being or causes harm.
You deserve respect and kindness, and taking action to protect yourself is a sign of strength.
Clinician's take
One misconception I often hear is that verbal abuse has to involve yelling or insults. In reality, it can be quiet and steady — sarcasm, constant criticism, or dismissive comments. Think of it like water dripping on stone. It doesn’t look dangerous at first, but over time, it can leave a deep mark on the stone.
Find care with Rula
Verbal abuse is a harmful pattern of words or actions that can slowly damage your confidence and emotional health. And it often comes from people you trust. Recognizing the signs and understanding its impact is important for protecting yourself. Remember, support is available to help you heal and learn to set healthy boundaries.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
