Key Takeaways
Not being able to cry doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It can stem from emotional, psychological, or physical factors.
Emotional numbness, past trauma, or cultural messages can all make it harder to express yourself through crying.
Therapy can help you reconnect with your emotions and safely release what’s been bottled up.
People cry for many different reasons. We cry when we’re grieving and from overwhelming joy. We might cry when we’re relieved, frustrated, or angry. But while crying is a natural response to strong emotions, some people find that they can’t cry, even when they want to.
If you’re wondering why you can’t cry, know that there’s nothing “wrong” with you. You may be unable to cry due to several reasons, from fear of judgment to mental health symptoms like numbness and anhedonia. A therapist can help you get more in touch with your emotions and begin expressing them in a way that feels safe and natural.
Potential reasons for struggling to cry
A wide range of reasons can help explain why you might have a hard time allowing yourself to cry. Usually, it’s because there’s something blocking you from fully feeling or expressing your emotions.
Explore these potential reasons:
Cultural and familial stigma
Stigma or judgment against crying might exist within your culture or family of origin. For example, in many cultures — especially those defined by machismo — crying is viewed as a “feminine” response. This can make men feel like they aren’t allowed to cry. Crying may also be seen as “childish” in some cultures and families. But in reality, crying is a human expression of emotion that isn’t tied to any gender or age.
Emotional numbness
Other people may have a hard time feeling and expressing their emotions because they feel numb. You might be experiencing emotional exhaustion so intensely that it becomes difficult to experience any feelings at all. Emotional numbness can also occur with depression, trauma, or long-term stress that’s left you emotionally shut down.
Social anxiety
Sometimes, social anxiety can keep you from crying when you need to. If you’re around other people, you might be so worried that they’ll judge or humiliate you that you become too scared to cry. This can be especially true if you’ve experienced bullying. Even if no one is around, that fear of judgment could be so overwhelming that you still worry.
Past trauma
Trauma can make you feel disconnected from your true emotions. It might feel like feeling your emotions to their full extent is frightening. You might be scared you’ll completely lose control.
Many people have also experienced traumatic events that have directly impacted their ability to cry. For example, you may have been abused when you cried as a child. If your nervous system has been primed to handle sadness through other ways, like with shutting down (freeze response) or getting angry (fight response), it may be difficult to cry.
Medical reasons
Some medications and health conditions can make it difficult to literally cry. You might feel like you're crying but find that no actual tears come out of your eyes. Speak to your healthcare provider to rule out any medical conditions or gather more information about the side effects of any medication you may be taking.
Why we need to cry sometimes
We still don’t yet have very much research about adult crying and why it’s important. But generally, crying is a healthy, and often even necessary, expression of emotion.
It’s a natural and human instinct to cry when we feel sad, overwhelmed, hurt, or even angry. If you never cry, this doesn’t mean you don’t feel those emotions. It’s more likely that you’re pushing these emotions away and not experiencing them fully, whether you realize it or not.
Bottling up emotions like this can be harmful to your mental and physical health. When you don’t feel and process your emotions, it can contribute to chronic stress. And chronic stress is associated with a wide range of health problems, including heart disease, decreased immunity, and a heightened risk of mental health conditions.
It’s important to note that crying isn’t the only way people process their emotions. It’s one important outlet among many. But if that outlet feels closed off, it could be a sign that you need other ways to express or release what you feel.
How to cry when you want to
It can be frustrating and even painful to want to cry but not know how to allow yourself to. By getting in deeper touch with your emotions and addressing emotional barriers, you might find that crying comes more easily to you.
These additional tips can help too:
Identify and name your feelings
One of the first steps you can take is to identify your feelings. When you experience a painful or uncomfortable emotion, try to identify it and name it. Sit with the feeling instead of immediately pushing it away. This might make it naturally easier to notice, at the very least, when you want to cry.
Identify barriers
It can also help to identify what’s keeping you from crying. Is it societal prejudices? Is it a fear that you’ll lose control of yourself? You might also fear being seen as weak, or you might have experiences that taught you that emotional expression is dangerous. When you’ve identified the specific barriers, you can start to take steps to overcome them.
Give yourself permission to cry
Some people find that it’s helpful to intentionally expose themselves to things that make them want to cry and then offer themself the space and permission to do so. It might be difficult to cry about events in your own life, but there might be other experiences that make you feel like crying. Art is powerful, and you might find an emotional release through a movie, song, or book.
Once you notice this feeling, place your hand over your heart and send loving compassion to the part of you that feels sensitive. You can think or say aloud, “I notice an urge to cry. It is safe to feel right now. I am open to however my body responds.” Even if you don’t cry that moment, you’re beginning the process of making space for it.
Talk to a therapist
If you’ve tried everything and you still can’t cry when you want to, it could be helpful to talk to a therapist. A therapist can help you explore what’s blocking your emotions and gently guide you toward feeling safe enough to release them. Therapists are professionally trained in the art of processing emotions, so they can help you reconnect with the parts of yourself that have gone quiet or numb.
If a mental health condition is contributing to your inability to cry, a therapist can also help you address these symptoms and determine if medication is needed.
Clinician's take
Creating a soft and gentle space internally can help you feel safe enough to cry. This can look like offering loving compassion to yourself and allowing your thoughts and feelings to stay, rather than pushing them away.
Find care with Rula
Crying is a natural way to release emotions. When you want to cry but can’t, you might feel disconnected from yourself. This doesn’t mean anything’s wrong with you. Many reasons might prevent you from fully experiencing and expressing your emotions. A therapist can help you gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and learn healthy ways to process them.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
