The emotional impact of witnessing domestic violence as a child

Domestic violence (DV), also referred to as intimate partner violence, affects more than 12 million people each year in the U.S. Of the DV cases reviewed by state courts, nearly 1 in 4 were witnessed by children. 

This form of trauma can affect people of any age, but it can have a serious impact on young people. Children who witness DV are at greater risk of developing physical, mental, and social concerns. The experience can also normalize violence in the home, creating a cycle that may continue into the next generation.

Witnessing violence of any kind can negatively affect a child’s well-being. But healing is possible with the right support and at any age. Learning more about the emotional effects of DV can help you know when a child in your life might need professional help. 

What happens when children witness domestic violence

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, DV is defined as “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.” It can be physical, emotional, financial, sexual, or psychological. 

But no matter the form it takes, DV can result in emotional trauma for the children who witness it. They may become scared or hypervigilant, constantly worrying about when the next violent event will happen. DV can also damage their attachment to their caregivers, making them feel unsafe in the world. 

In the short term, depending on the child’s age, this added stress from witnessing DV can result in the following:

• Preschoolers may revert to past behaviors like bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, or frequent crying. They may also have trouble speaking or sleeping, or develop separation anxiety.

• Elementary-aged children may think that the violence is their fault, which can harm their self-esteem. They may start to isolate themselves socially and may develop somatic complaints like stomachaches or headaches. 

• Teenagers may act out by skipping school, arguing with family members, or engaging in risky behaviors. They can become withdrawn or depressed, start getting into fights, or get into legal trouble. 

It’s clear that witnessing DV is harmful for children. So you might understandably wonder if it’s considered a form of child abuse. Some states have laws that classify DV this way. But experts caution against this because they say it could penalize survivor parents and prevent them from asking for help.

How domestic violence can shape a child’s mental health

Many studies examine the long-term mental health effects of adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). Researchers have discovered that children who grow up in violent homes may struggle socially, academically, and behaviorally. 

They’re also at greater risk for developing mental health concerns, like: 

• Depression

• Anxiety disorders

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

• Schizophrenia

• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

• Substance use disorders (SUDs)

A child who witnesses violence at home may be be at higher risk for suicide.* 

*A note on safety: If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts or thoughts about harming themself or others, please call or text 988 on any phone for the Suicide & Crisis lifeline, contact a local crisis line, or head to the emergency room immediately. Any of these resources will ensure that the person in crisis receives support right away. For more information on getting help, go to 988lifeline.org

Supporting children affected by domestic violence

If you know a child impacted by domestic violence, you can help them. In fact, you may be key to getting them the support they need. 

Here are a few tips:

• Remember that your response has an impact. Hearing a child reveal DV can be an upsetting experience. You might feel upset or heartbroken. But in that moment, remember that it took courage for them to come to you, and what matters most is keeping them safe. Respond with authenticity, but try to remain calm and present. Validate their feelings, let them know you’re there to help, and don’t press for details they aren’t ready to share. Then, give yourself time and space to process your emotions after the conversation. 

• Acknowledge that you might need support too. If you’re a survivor and a parent, you might be worried about how witnessing DV has affected your children. But your healing is also important. When your child sees you asking for help, they may feel more comfortable doing the same thing. Taking good care of your own well-being can give you greater capacity to support your child.

• Consider professional help. If your child has witnessed DV, consider connecting with a mental health professional. There are trauma-informed therapists and psychiatrists who can help your child process the experience, release painful emotions, and learn healthy coping skills. Depending on your child’s needs and diagnosis, therapy, medication, or a combination of both can be helpful.

Clinician's take

A common mistake is telling a child to ‘be strong’ or ‘forget about it,’ which can make them feel like their fear or sadness is wrong. A better approach is to let them share their feelings at their own pace and reassure them that it’s OK to talk about what happened.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer

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The crisis of domestic violence affects millions of Americans each year, including many children. This form of trauma can have a lasting impact on young people’s mental and emotional well-being. If a child in your life has witnessed DV, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Trauma-informed therapy and psychiatric care can help them overcome the effects of witnessing DV and cultivate hope for a healthy future.

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.