Having a spouse with a chronic health condition can affect your relationship, emotional well-being, and quality of life.
Working with a therapist can help you set healthy boundaries and navigate the line between partner and caregiver.
Self-care, healthy boundaries, and a strong support system are also effective tools for coping with the challenges of chronic illnesss.
Approximately 60% of Americans have at least one chronic illness, like cancer, diabetes, or dementia. Living with a chronic health condition can significantly impact a person’s quality of life, but it can also affect their loved ones and caregivers. This situation can create some unique challenges.
If your partner is chronically ill, you might feel anxious or scared, frustrated, or even resentful. You might grieve a future you’d imagined for the relationship. These are common feelings to have, and they don’t make you a bad person or partner.
You can learn to prioritize your health and well-being while providing the care your partner needs. With the right approach and support, it’s possible to find joy, deep purpose, and fulfillment in your relationship.
Explore these six ways to navigate life with a chronically ill partner and support your mental health.
1. Learn about your partner’s condition
Receiving a loved one’s diagnosis can feel scary — especially when you don’t know how to help them or prepare for what’s to come. In these situations, one of the best things you can do is educate yourself on their condition. Whether it’s through books, podcasts, or conversations with their doctors, take time to understand their symptoms, treatment options, and health trajectory.
You can also ask your partner to share more about their unique experience. For example:
“Are there symptoms or triggers that I should know about?”
“What feels challenging for you right now? How can I help?”
“What do you need from me as your partner?”
When you’re confident in your knowledge, you may feel better prepared to help your partner overcome challenges and manage transitions.
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2. Set boundaries for yourself
When living with a chronically ill spouse, the line between partner and caregiver can become blurred. This is why supporting a partner with a chronic illness requires clear boundaries and open communication. Setting boundaries is a chance for both people to identify their limits, communicate their needs, and protect their overall well-being.
Boundaries look different for everyone, but here are a few examples.
“I know regular exercise helps me feel my best, so I'm going to start my days with a morning walk. This will be part of my routine, and you’re welcome to join when you’d like.”
“Let’s try not to talk about the diagnosis during dinner so that we can focus on our family and other topics for that hour.”
“I’m going to hire outside help for some of the household tasks or personal care needs that I don’t feel comfortable doing myself.”
Setting boundaries like this may feel uncomfortable, but the right approach can help you respectfully share your needs. Focus on “I” statements, stay consistent, and be direct but kind.
3. Make time for self-care
Taking care of a loved one in need can be incredibly rewarding. Caregiving has been shown to increase self-esteem and help people find a greater sense of meaning in their life. Despite this, it can still take a toll on your physical and emotional health.
If you’re juggling multiple responsibilities, you may find it difficult to practice regular self-care. But making time for something like yoga or a warm bath at the end of the day is important for your mental and physical well-being. You may also want to check in with yourself each day. For example, try writing down one thing you're grateful for every night before bed.
Self-care has several benefits, like improving resilience and reducing stress and anxiety. It may even improve your relationship with your spouse.
4. Lean on your support system
Health challenges can impact your life in many ways. You may find that your partner doesn’t feel up to socializing or that you’ve become more isolated from friends.
Because of this, it can be more important than ever to lean on your support network. Your support network consists of the people you rely on for encouragement and advice. They’re the friends, family, and communities who you can be yourself with and help you feel your best.
5. Consult a mental health professional
Having a chronic illness increases your risk of experiencing mental health challenges like anxiety or depression. However, some research shows that spouses of those who are chronically ill may experience more mental and emotional stress than their partner. If you’re struggling with your mental or emotional well-being, know that help is available.
Talk therapy can help you learn more about yourself, your relationship with your partner, and how to communicate your needs. You’ll develop the skills to cope with difficult situations, navigate change, and express your emotions in healthy ways.
If your mental health symptoms are impacting your daily functioning, you may want to meet with a psychiatrist to discuss medication management.
6. Recognize your next steps
People in happy marriages are often motivated by love and affection to care for their partners. But it’s important to acknowledge that everyone has their limits — and that’s OK. At some point, you may realize that you need to make a decision regarding your future.
This could involve moving your partner to a care facility or choosing to end the relationship. For example, you may feel like you’re no longer yourself or the relationship has become too one-sided. These decisions are never easy, but working with a therapist can help you understand your thoughts, feelings, and next steps.
A common mistake is thinking that setting boundaries means you don’t care. In reality, boundaries protect both you and your partner, and clearly communicating them can actually strengthen your relationship over time.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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When supporting a loved one with a chronic condition, it's important to balance their needs with your own. Working with a therapist can help you develop the tools to improve your communication skills, empathy, and relationship with your partner.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
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Alex Bachert
Alex Bachert is a freelance copywriter and mental health advocate. Since earning her masters degree in public health, she has focused her career on creating informative content that empowers people to prioritize their health and well-being. Alex has partnered with organizations like Ro, WellTheory, and Firsthand, and her work has been recognized by the Digital Health Association.
When she’s not writing about mental health, Alex is usually playing pickleball, meeting with her local board of health, or enjoying time with her three kids.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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