Fake smiling can be a form of self-protection. But if you do it too frequently, it may prevent you from expressing yourself authentically and take a toll on your mental health.
Your culture, environment, and upbringing can influence how you share emotions. These factors can make it hard to communicate what you’re really feeling.
Journaling, mindfulness, and experimenting with vulnerability with someone you trust can help you show up more authentically in your relationships. If you need additional support, talking with a therapist can help.
Most of us know what it’s like to carry emotions we feel like we can’t express. Some days, you might appear happy or cheerful on the outside. But deep down, you might be feeling sad, anxious, overwhelmed, or another uncomfortable emotion. You might feel compelled to fake a smile for a variety of reasons. However, if you feel like you can’t authentically express yourself all the time, it might be something to explore.
Fake smiling often means that we aren’t showing up as our true selves. It can be a sign that we don’t feel safe enough to be spontaneous or sincere. Of course, you don’t have to share your struggles with everyone you meet. But sometimes, smiling through depression, sadness, or other forms of emotional pain can negatively affect your well-being.
Learning more about fake smiling can help you better understand yourself and share your true emotions in healthy ways.
Self-protection
Sometimes you may fake a smile to keep yourself safe or avoid vulnerability. For example, you might worry that if you show what you’re feeling, you’ll be judged or misunderstood. If you think that being honest about your emotions will lead to a negative outcome, it makes sense that it might be harder to open up.
In some situations, it might feel easiest or best to just “smile and nod.” But if you want to get better at sharing your emotions, journaling may help. Take a few minutes to write down any uncomfortable emotions you experienced throughout the day. Over time, this may make it easier to identify and express yourself.
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Culture and upbringing
If you were raised in an environment where some emotions were seen as “good” while others were “bad,” you may mask certain feelings. For example, if you learned that anger is wrong, you might be more likely to fake a smile when you’re upset. However, this can cause a buildup of uncomfortable feelings that can become harder to control the longer they’re bottled up.
Fortunately, you can honor your cultural norms while also allowing yourself to experience the full range of emotions. Consider where it might be safe to share more of yourself, and practice opening up, even if it’s just a little bit. This might be with a therapist, a loved one, a support group, or a close friend.
For example, if a friend asks you how you’re doing, and you’re not feeling great, try being honest about that. You can respond with something like, “To tell you the truth, I’m feeling a little off today. I don’t want to get into all the details. But I appreciate you asking.”
Toxic positivity
Toxic positivity is the idea that people should maintain a positive mindset or cheerful demeanor, no matter what. It can be observed in families, workplaces, or other environments where people lack the capacity or skills to hold difficult emotions. The expectation to “keep smiling through the pain” may not be communicated directly. But it can often feel like an unwritten expectation.
If you struggle with toxic positivity, developing a mindfulness practice can help shift your perspective. Give yourself a few minutes each day to pause and notice how you’re feeling. See if you can identify your emotions without judging them. This can help you cultivate compassion for yourself and see that all feelings — even uncomfortable ones — are valid.
Replacing micro-expressions
Some people are naturally more expressive. You can detect what they’re thinking or feeling from the look on their face. But fake smiling can be a way to replace how you instinctively feel.
Research shows that smiling can sometimes be a way to cover up or detract from natural micro-expressions. For example, let’s say you see someone walking toward you who you really don’t like. Instantly, a look of disdain might flash across your face. As they get closer, you might put on a fake smile so they don’t see how you really feel.
If you find yourself using fake smiling to mask your emotions, you can interrupt that pattern through recognizing when you’re fake smiling and reflecting on what you’re authentically feeling. Pausing to acknowledge your feelings and then deciding how you want to display them outwardly — whether that’s with smiling or not — can help you feel more in control.
Fake smiling, over time, creates distance from your true feelings, making it harder to connect in an authentic way. However, awareness of this pattern is the first step toward change. Each time you allow your real emotions to show, you invite deeper, more genuine connection and relief.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
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You probably know what it feels like to smile even when you aren’t feeling happy inside. People might fake a smile for any number of valid reasons. However, if you do it constantly, it might impact your mental health. Exploring why you might be using a fake smile can help you express yourself authentically. You can do this through journaling, mindfulness, opening up in small ways to a trusted person, or talking to a therapist.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
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Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
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