Friendship anxiety is when you worry about your friendships or doubt if your friends really like you — even when nothing has happened to suggest that.
Friendship anxiety can make you second-guess yourself, overthink what you say, and worry about being left out.
Therapy can help you feel more secure in your friendships by showing you how to manage worries, build confidence, and trust others.
Imagine this: You text your friend to make plans, but they don’t reply right away. Instead of assuming they’re busy, you start to worry they don’t like you anymore or that you said something to upset them. These worries are called friendship anxiety.
This form of anxiety usually comes from fears. Your mind jumps to the worst-case scenario instead of looking for proof that something’s wrong.
These worries can be linked to insecurity, past experiences, or fear of rejection. Working with a therapist can help you discover if these feelings are driving your friendship anxiety.
Signs you’re dealing with friendship anxiety
It’s normal to worry about friendships sometimes, since friends are such an important part of our lives. Even in close, long-term friendships, you might fear being judged, left out, or losing someone’s support. Signs include:
Seeking constant reassurance: You often ask questions like, “Are you mad at me?” or, “Is everything OK?” just to be sure your friend still cares.
Experiencing frequent worries: If a friend doesn’t respond to your text or cancels plans, your mind instantly assumes the worst.
Overthinking conversations: You replay past talks in your head, worrying you might have said the wrong thing.
Avoiding conflict: You stay quiet about problems because you’re afraid speaking up will cause drama or make your friend pull away.
Having difficulty trusting others: If a friend has betrayed you before, it can shake your confidence. You might find it harder to trust people and worry that others will hurt you too.
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What causes friendship anxiety?
Having friendship anxiety doesn’t mean you’re a bad friend. It’s usually about your fears, not reality.
Some common causes include:
Past experiences: Bullying, betrayal, or being judged in the past can make it harder to trust friends. Even small things, like a friend not returning a text or breaking a promise can make you doubt your friendship.
Low self-esteem: When you don’t feel good about yourself, you might assume others don’t like being around you. This can make you overthink texts, conversations, or social plans.
Anxiety disorders: Having social anxiety disorder (SAD) or generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) can make friendships feel stressful. You may overthink what you say and see normal ups and downs as signs of rejection.
Rejection sensitive dysphoria: Rejection sensitive dysphoria in a friendship can increase the worries that come with friendship anxiety. Someone might immediately interpret small changes in tone, slower replies, or a canceled plan as signs of rejection. This can create a cycle where the person feels both desperate to hold on to the friendship and fearful that they are too much.
Insecure attachment: Growing up in a stressful or unstable home can make you more likely to develop an insecure attachment style. This can cause you to feel unsure in relationships, leading to friendship anxiety later in life.
Social comparison: Constantly comparing yourself to your friends, how successful or well-liked they are, can make you feel like you don’t measure up.
Perfectionism: Wanting to be the perfect friend can create extra pressure. Worrying about saying the wrong thing or not being fun can make hanging out stressful instead of enjoyable.
Harmful effects of overthinking friendships
Friendship anxiety doesn’t just affect your mind. It can also impact your body and health. When you second-guess your friendships, even strong ones can start to feel shaky.
Over time, overthinking friendships can lead to:
Increased anxiety and stress: Worrying about every interaction can leave you feeling tense and drained.
Experiencing lower self-esteem: Thinking you’re not a good friend can make you question your self-worth.
Straining relationships: Overthinking may cause you to act distant, clingy, or defensive, which can push friends away.
Misreading situations: You might assume short replies or missed plans mean rejection when your friend is just busy.
Avoiding social time: Fear of being judged or left out can lead you to skip hangouts altogether.
Missing out on joy: When your mind is full of what-ifs, it’s hard to relax and enjoy being with friends.
How friendship anxiety can affect your friends
Your worries don’t just affect you, they can also affect your friendships.
Friends may feel:
Pressured: Constant reassurance can make them feel like they always have to say the right thing.
Tired: If every talk centers on your fears, they might feel drained and emotionally worn out.
Untrusted: Doubting their loyalty may make them feel unappreciated.
Confused: Repeatedly second-guessing their words can leave them unsure how to respond.
Shut out: If you avoid social gatherings because of your fears, they might feel disconnected from you.
Healthy ways to manage friendship anxiety
You don’t have to let friendship anxiety take over your life. With practice, you can feel calmer and enjoy your friendships more.
Here are some helpful strategies:
Challenge negative thoughts. Try to replace negative thoughts about your friendship with positive ones. For example, if you think something like, “They didn’t mention their birthday, so they don’t want me there,” replace it with, “Their birthday is still weeks away, and they’ll let me know what the plan is when they can.” This can be a small step to create distance from your friendship anxiety and a step toward trusting your friend.
Communicate openly. If you’re unsure where you stand, try gently sharing your feelings. You can say something like, “I care about our friendship, and sometimes I worry I bother you. Do you feel that way?” Talking it out can bring relief and clarity.
Focus on quality, not quantity. Instead of stressing about having a large group of friends, invest your energy into a few strong, supportive friendships.
Try to limit social comparison. Notice when you compare yourself to your friends. Remember, social media shows highlights, not the full picture.
Know your triggers. Pay attention to situations that increase your anxiety, like seeing friends hang out without you. Once you spot your triggers, you can respond in healthier ways.
Practice self-care. Taking care of yourself can help you feel calmer with friends. Some practices you can try include mindful movement, journaling, or mindfulness meditation.
Seek professional support. If friendship anxiety feels like too much to manage on your own, support is available. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a form of talk therapy, can help you recognize unhelpful thoughts and replace them with balanced ones. Exposure therapy can help you face situations you may avoid, like having an honest talk with a friend.
Friendship anxiety often shows up as seeking constant reassurance, like repeatedly asking if your friend is upset or always initiating plans. Even though it comes from a place of care, it can unintentionally create strain by making the friendship feel pressured rather than natural. A therapist can help you manage your anxiety and build healthier friendships.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
Find care with Rula
If anxiety about friendships feels overwhelming or constant, talking with a therapist can offer you support. Therapy gives you tools to manage your worries, build confidence, and strengthen the connections you care about the most. You can learn to identify the cause of your anxiety and practice healthier ways to cope so you feel calmer and more secure in your friendships.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Linda Childers
Linda is an award-winning medical writer with experience writing for major media outlets, health companies, hospitals, and both consumer and trade print and digital outlets.
Her articles have appeared in the Washington Post, USA Today, WebMD, AARP, Brain+Life, HealthyWomen.org, The Rheumatologist, California Health Report, Everyday Health, HealthCentral, and many other media outlets.
While juggling the responsibilities of being part of the “sandwich generation” and caring for both her toddler son and terminally ill mother, a nurse friend encouraged her to seek therapy, which helped her to learn coping strategies and manage her depression. Linda hopes her work will help to destigmatize mental health conditions and encourage others to get the help they need.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
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