Breaking free from learned helplessness

Learned helplessness is a psychological response that develops when people feel their actions have no impact on outcomes. Over time, repeated experiences of failure or lack of control can lead them to give up, even in situations where change is possible. This mindset can affect motivation, resilience, and overall well-being.

Evidence suggests that a loss of forward momentum or motivation might be a result of how our brains naturally respond to threats. In many situations, helplessness may represent the “freeze” part of the fight-flight-freeze-fawn stress response. 

Learning about this distinction can help you understand why you might be struggling with helplessness. It can help you set achievable goals to strengthen your mental health and feel more empowered.

What learned helplessness looks like

Below are a few examples of what traditional learned helplessness can look like at various ages, as well as how these examples might be interpreted with modern neuroscience. 

• Learned helplessness in children: Sarah has always struggled with math. For a while, she attended tutoring sessions before school, but they didn’t seem to make a difference. Now she believes she’s just “bad” at math and that there’s nothing she can do to change that. When her teacher gives an assignment, she stares blankly at the page.

  • Updated interpretation: If Sarah is feeling overwhelmed by her math assignments, she might be unable to advocate for herself or see herself as capable. What looks like learned helplessness may actually be a stress response.

• Learned helplessness in adults: Trent was always considered a top performer at work. He was known for bringing new ideas to the table. But no matter how many times he shared suggestions, nothing ever changed. So now he just keeps his head down and doesn’t say a word.

  • Updated interpretation: Trent’s withdrawal might not be solely due to the belief that positive change is impossible. While that might be partly true, he might also be experiencing burnout — especially if his contributions are consistently overlooked or undervalued. Appearing helpless may be a way to manage stress and avoid further rejection.

Root causes of learned helplessness

We used to think of learned helplessness as a mindset that comes from personal experiences of failure. For example, if a parent repeatedly tells a child that they can’t learn to tie their shoes, the child may eventually stop trying. But today, we know that helplessness isn’t just about giving up or someone believing they can’t do something. It can be an adaptive response and a way to avoid further shame, embarrassment, disappointment, or other challenging emotions. 

Learned helplessness can also come from experiencing systemic barriers like racism, sexism, or poverty. These issues are so widespread and entrenched that they can feel impossible for any one person to overcome. In other instances, helplessness might be the result of a mental health concern. Understanding the context of your perceived helplessness can help you figure out what’s behind it. 

How learned helplessness impacts mental health

Feeling helpless can take a toll on your mental health and well-being. It may cause you to lose hope for the future, detach from your social circle, and stop believing in yourself. You might stop speaking up or advocating for what you need. 

On the outside, it might look like you’ve given up. But deep down, you might be struggling with a dysregulated nervous system and emotional turmoil. This can lead to a painful cycle of hopelessness, withdrawal, and low self-esteem. 

Everyone experiences temporary helplessness once in a while. But when it’s chronic and impacts functioning, it could be cause for concern. Severe helplessness is associated with mental health conditions like depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and anxiety disorders. 

How to overcome learned helplessness

If you want to overcome helplessness, these steps can help you feel more empowered:

• Celebrate small wins. You can build confidence by celebrating small wins. If you’re struggling with a big challenge, see if you can break it down into smaller tasks. You can even keep track of your successes as a reminder of all you’re capable of. 

• Advocate for yourself. Set yourself up for success by asking for what you need. For example, let’s say you do your best work in the early morning. You could see if it’s possible to shift your schedule to increase your productivity.

• Ask for help. If helplessness is affecting your mental health, know that you’re not alone and help is available. Trauma-informed therapists can help you uncover the source of your helplessness, cultivate self-compassion, and learn healthy ways to regulate your nervous system.

Clinician's take

A small, confidence-building step is to set and complete one very manageable goal, like making a phone call, organizing a small space, or taking a short walk. This can help you rebuild a sense of control and capability.

Ashley Ayala, LMFT

Clinical reviewer

Find care with Rula

We used to think that learned helplessness was a mindset. But now, new research suggests that helplessness might be a biological response to trauma. It can also result from stress, systemic challenges, and underlying mental health concerns. If you’re struggling with helplessness, know that you’re not alone and it's not your fault. It’s possible to improve your confidence and feel more empowered. 

At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best. 

Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.