Key Takeaways
One-sided relationships can leave you feeling drained, insecure, and undervalued — especially when you’re putting in most of the effort.
Research shows that unequal commitment is linked with more conflict, lower relationship quality, and a higher chance of breaking up.
You have options — from communicating and setting boundaries to working with a therapist — to find more balance or leave the relationship if it isn’t meeting your needs.
Healthy relationships require both partners to be equally committed to each other. If you feel like you’re always the one doing all the work or are much more invested in your partner than they are in you, you could be in a one-sided relationship.
One-sided relationships don’t only cause grief and pain. Research also links them with more conflict, lower relationship quality, and a higher likelihood of breaking up. You’re not required to stay in any relationship in which you don’t feel valued. But if you’d like to strengthen your relationship and make it more balanced, there is hope.
Signs your relationship is one sided
One-sided relationships can range from completely unrequited love to just feeling like one of you is slightly more committed than the other. They’re generally measured by an inequality between partners in aspects like:
Passion
Commitment
Attachment
Effort
Intimacy
Caregiving
For example, you might find yourself longing for more commitment with someone who only wants to date you casually. Or you might be married but feel like you put more effort into the relationship than your spouse does. Either way, these relationships are unbalanced and can lead to frustration.
You might be in a one-sided relationship if:
There’s a noticeable lack of effort in the relationship. You’re the only one who ever tries to plan events or prioritize time together.
You feel emotionally drained or tired in the relationship because you’re trying so hard to win their affection or doing most of the emotional labor.
You feel insecure in the relationship. You’re not convinced that your partner is committed to you, which can lead to resentment and distrust.
You’re the one making sacrifices for the relationship, and your partner rarely (if ever) adjusts their life to accommodate you.
Conversations feel one-sided. You spend a lot of time listening and supporting, but your partner doesn’t show the same interest in your feelings or struggles.
You notice an imbalance in physical affection or intimacy. You’re the one who typically initiates closeness, and it’s rarely reciprocated.
Your needs consistently go unmet. When you bring them up, your partner dismisses, avoids, or minimizes them.
You feel more anxious than secure in the relationship and constantly question where you stand because your partner doesn’t reassure you or show equal investment.
Responsibilities like housework or finances fall mostly on you, and your partner doesn’t contribute equally. This leaves you feeling more like a caretaker or provider than an equal partner.
The effects of an unequal relationship over time
Being in an unequal relationship can have negative effects on both partners, but especially the person who feels like they’re more invested in the relationship.
Research shows that people who feel that their relationships are one-sided tend to report lower relationship quality and are more likely to break up. One-sided relationships are also linked with more physical aggression and conflicts.*
Even if you stay together, the imbalanced commitment can take a toll on the relationship and your mental health. Especially if you’re the partner who feels more invested, you could begin to feel resentful of these imbalances. Over time, this resentment can turn into ongoing conflict and disconnection. It may also prevent you from feeling safe enough to share your needs and emotions openly.
Being in a one-sided relationship can also lead to:
*If you feel unsafe in your relationship for any reason, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by dialing 800-799-7233 for confidential support.
What causes a one-sided relationship?
Every one-sided relationship is unique, and there’s not necessarily one factor that causes them. Being in a one-sided relationship isn’t a sign that anything is wrong with you. Unrequited love is a common and natural experience. One study found that nearly 90% of people had experienced it at some point — and it was almost four times more common than equal love.
According to research, some factors that can lead to one person being less committed than their partner in a relationship include:
Feeling like they have more options when it comes to potential partners
Having an avoidant attachment style
Having had more past partners
Having a history of infidelity within the current relationship
Having parents who never married
On the flip side, people with an anxious attachment style tend to be the more invested partner in one-sided relationships.
Some studies also show that couples who are married with children are more likely to experience this imbalance. But this could simply be because couples with more commitments (like children) are more likely to stay together despite the relationship being unbalanced. Moving in together with an ambiguous future, before having a clear conversation about what’s next, could also play a role.
What you can do about an unbalanced relationship
You have many ways to move forward if you’re in a one-sided relationship. Maybe the best choice for you is to leave the relationship altogether. Or maybe you’d prefer to stay and work on finding more balance.
Here are some tips that may help.
Decide how to move forward
First, it’s important for both of you to get clear on what you want. Do you think the relationship is worth working on, or is it best to end it now?
You have the right to choose how you want to move forward. If you’re the partner who feels more invested, think about what changes would be necessary for you to feel like the relationship was more balanced.
If you’re the less invested partner, it may be worthwhile to reflect on why these dynamics have developed. Maybe they’ve been a pattern in your past relationships, or maybe you truly believe this isn't the right relationship for you.
Communicate your feelings
If you decide to work on your relationship, clear communication is key. Tell your partner why you feel like the relationship is one-sided. These conversations can bring up a lot of emotions, but try to avoid personally attacking your partner. Focus on the issue at hand and how the imbalance within the relationship makes you feel. Go over the specific changes you’d like to see.
If you’re the less invested partner, it’s important for you to communicate too. It’s not usually helpful to get defensive. This can sound like “I didn’t realize that my behavior was affecting you that much. Thank you for sharing. I’d like to share my perspective and where I’m coming from now.”
Address root causes
One-sided relationships don’t usually happen in a vacuum. While reasons for them vary, they often develop because of stress, unresolved conflict, or deeper issues like attachment styles. Taking the time to reflect on what’s causing the imbalance can help both of you understand where it’s coming from.
This might mean looking at past relationship patterns, unspoken expectations, or differences in emotional needs. It’s not about pointing fingers. Rather, it’s about creating awareness so you can both make changes that feel realistic and sustainable.
Stick to limits
Remember that it’s OK to set and stick to boundaries. If your partner has promised to change but doesn’t follow through, it’s important to take that seriously. You can give people grace, but you don’t have to keep accepting the same imbalance if nothing is improving.
It’s also OK to decide that the relationship no longer meets your needs. Choosing to walk away doesn’t mean you failed or that there’s anything wrong with you. It just means you respected your limits and gave yourself permission to find something healthier.
See a therapist
Talking to a therapist can give you clarity about what you want and why you’ve stayed in the relationship up to this point. They can also help you identify past relationship patterns, practice setting boundaries, and work through feelings of guilt or confusion you might have.
Couples therapy is another option if both partners are willing. A couples therapist acts as a neutral third party who can help you both see where the imbalance is happening. They can support you in finding ways to rebuild a healthier balance together.
Clinician's take
A small but powerful boundary I often recommend is giving yourself permission to pause before saying ‘yes.’ Instead of automatically agreeing to requests, take a moment to check in with your energy, emotions, and priorities. This simple act helps rebalance dynamics, ensures that you’re not overextending, and reminds both partners that your needs carry equal weight.
Find care with Rula
You deserve to feel valued and secure in your relationship. One-sided relationships can cause emotional strain and conflict, but you don’t have to stay stuck in that dynamic. Recognizing the signs, addressing the causes, and setting clear limits can help you move toward a relationship that feels healthier and more balanced — whether it’s this one or the next.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
