Deciding to leave a relationship is a deeply personal and sometimes challenging choice.
People may feel trapped in a relationship because they depend on their partner for money, struggle with low self-esteem, fear conflict, or feel guilty about leaving, among other reasons.
Therapy can help you make sense of what you’re feeling and support you through the process.
Maybe you’re tired of the nonstop arguments. Or maybe the intimacy is gone, and it feels like you’re sharing space with a roommate instead of building a life with a partner. Whatever the reason, feeling trapped in a relationship can weigh heavily on your heart and mind.
You might feel trapped for many reasons, like money problems or not wanting to break up your family. You may still love your partner but feel unsure how to fix the relationship. You might also recognize some relationship red flags and know you need to leave.
Deciding whether to end your relationship is personal — and it isn’t always easy. If you’re unsure, you might benefit from therapy. A therapist can help you understand your feelings, see your options more clearly, and determine the best steps for you.
Signs of feeling trapped in a relationship
Feeling trapped in a relationship doesn’t always mean you’re arguing all the time. It can also mean you feel sad, stuck, or burned out and unsure how to move forward. Deciding whether to stay in a relationship or walk away can be a difficult and deeply personal decision.
You might care about your partner but feel trapped because of constant criticism, unmet needs, fear of change, or family responsibilities. Feeling trapped means something in the relationship isn’t working, and you’re unsure how or unable to make it better.
Common signs include:
You often feel unhappy but don’t know how to fix things.
You feel anxious, tense, or emotionally drained around your partner.
You stay for practical reasons, like money or family, even though you’re unhappy.
You avoid bringing up issues because you fear conflict or being ignored.
You make excuses for your partner’s hurtful behavior.
You think about leaving but feel guilty or scared to take that next step.
You feel stuck in a cycle of arguments, silence, or emotional ups and downs.
You pretend everything’s fine, even when it’s not.
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10 reasons you might feel trapped with your partner
Sometimes the reasons for feeling trapped go deeper than what’s happening right now. They can be linked to your past, your beliefs, or your fears about the future.
Possible reasons for feeling trapped in a relationship include:
Trauma bonding: In toxic or unstable relationships, the back and forth between kindness and hurtful behavior can be confusing and keep you dependent and loyal to a person abusing you. You might even feel comfortable in the emotional ups and downs.
Past experiences: Growing up around unhealthy relationships can make feeling trapped seem normal. A therapist can help you work through past hurt and teach you ways to build a healthier relationship.
Cultural pressure: Beliefs or family expectations can make leaving feel impossible. Joining a support group that reflects your faith or culture can help you feel seen and understood.
Guilt or obligation: You may feel you owe your partner loyalty, especially if they’ve been through tough times. But remember that choosing to stay when it makes you unhappy isn’t fair to either of you.
Fear of being alone: Starting over can be scary and feel lonely, especially after a long relationship. Work to build hobbies and friendships that you enjoy on your own and that help you feel secure.
Low self-esteem: If you doubt your own worth, you may stay even when you’re unhappy. A therapist can teach you to challenge negative thoughts and realize you deserve love and happiness.
Learned helplessness: You might feel like nothing you do will change the situation, so you stop trying. Over time, learned helplessness can make you feel hopeless and lead to depression, especially if you feel you have no control over your life.
Financial dependence: If you rely on your partner for money, you may feel like you can’t afford to leave. A financial counselor or therapist can help identify options to help you move forward.
Caregiving responsibilities: Some people stay in hard relationships to keep the family together. Others feel responsible for caring for children or aging parents. But staying in an unhappy relationship can make other family members feel stressed and anxious too.
Abuse: If you’re in an abusive relationship, you might fear your partner’s reaction if you try to leave. Remember, the abuse isn’t your fault, and it’s possible to leave the relationship if you feel unsafe. Therapy and group support can help.
A note to the reader: If you feel unsafe in your relationship for any reason, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline by dialing (800) 799-7233 for confidential support.
How to get unstuck from an unfulfilling relationship
Feeling stuck in a relationship signals something needs to change. If you ignore the problems, they can turn into resentment, sadness, or emotional exhaustion. Whether you decide to stay or leave, the most important thing is to prioritize your needs and well-being.
Consider these tips on how to determine the best next steps for you.
Know what you’re feeling
Spend time understanding what you really feel. Do you feel safe, supported, and respected? Or do you feel lonely, unheard, and drained? Identify what you need to feel happy in a relationship. For some, that may be trust, affection, or shared goals. Therapy can help you determine your values and priorities in a relationship.
These prompts can help you do some self-reflection and gain clarity:
“What do I need right now that I’m not getting in this relationship?”
“Am I holding back any feelings or desires because I’m afraid of conflict or rejection?”
“Do I feel more or less like myself when I’m with my partner? Why?”
“How do I feel about my partner when I’m not with them?”
“What do I miss about the early stages of our relationship? What do I not miss?”
“If I imagine my ideal version of this relationship, what feels different from today?”
Know when it’s worth working on
If both of you are willing to put in the effort, you may be able to improve the relationship together. Couples counseling is a solutions-oriented therapeutic approach that can teach problem-solving skills and how to communicate your feelings and needs to your partner. And it’s been shown to work. Research indicates that couples therapy positively impacts 70% of couples.
Know when to walk away
Sometimes, a relationship is beyond repair. This can happen when one or both partners is unwilling to put effort into the relationship. Or maybe you’ve tried things like couples counseling, and you still feel unhappy or stuck.
Other times, it can be due to irreparable trust issues or abuse. In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe, respected, and supported. If there’s a pattern of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse, your safety and peace come first. No one should feel afraid or controlled. The National Domestic Violence Hotline offers 24/7 access to services and support and can be contacted by phone, text, or online chat.
One subtle sign someone feels trapped in a relationship is when they catch themselves daydreaming about what life would be like if they were on their own, yet quickly push those thoughts away with guilt or shame. Pause to honor those thoughts and make space for them. You don’t need to necessarily act on them, but you can gain more insight into your feelings.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
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Leaving a relationship can be one of the hardest choices you’ll ever make. Many people stay longer than they want to because of guilt, fear of being alone, or doubts about whether their needs are valid. Over time, this can create a painful sense of feeling trapped and can take a toll on your mental health. Therapy gives you a safe space to talk about your feelings and understand why you feel trapped, and decide if it’s worth working on or it’s time to move on.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Linda Childers
Linda is an award-winning medical writer with experience writing for major media outlets, health companies, hospitals, and both consumer and trade print and digital outlets.
Her articles have appeared in the Washington Post, USA Today, WebMD, AARP, Brain+Life, HealthyWomen.org, The Rheumatologist, California Health Report, Everyday Health, HealthCentral, and many other media outlets.
While juggling the responsibilities of being part of the “sandwich generation” and caring for both her toddler son and terminally ill mother, a nurse friend encouraged her to seek therapy, which helped her to learn coping strategies and manage her depression. Linda hopes her work will help to destigmatize mental health conditions and encourage others to get the help they need.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
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