People with anxiety often feel shame more strongly. This can make them doubt themselves and feel even more anxious, creating a cycle that’s tough to break.
Shame and anxiety often show up together. To break this cycle, it helps to notice what’s happening, be kind to yourself, and remember that your negative thoughts aren’t always true.
Therapy and self-care can make a big difference. Work with a therapist to understand your feelings, build confidence, and learn healthy ways to handle stress and self-doubt.
Imagine you miss an important work deadline. Your anxiety kicks in. Then shame shows up. You start thinking, “I messed up; I’m a failure.” You replay what happened over and over, wondering how you’ll ever fix it. This is an example of the shame and anxiety loop.
Anxiety tells you something went wrong. Shame makes it feel like you’re the problem. Instead of thinking, “I made a mistake,” you start believing, “I’m the mistake.”
This shame and anxiety loop can make you feel stuck. But it’s possible to escape with the right approach and support.
How shame affects people with anxiety
Most people feel shame and anxiety sometimes. But for some people, these feelings show up more intensely and frequently.
People may feel more anxious or ashamed for a variety of reasons, including:
Adverse childhood experiences: Our experiences growing up can influence how we deal with stress as adults. If, as a child, you experienced a lot of criticism, the pressure to be perfect, or punishment for making mistakes, you might feel more anxious when something goes wrong. You may blame yourself, internalize that you’re “the problem,” and put your needs second.
Trauma: If you’ve been through abuse, bullying, or neglect, you may carry deep feelings of shame and fear. Even small mistakes can make those feelings bubble up again.
Mental health conditions: Certain conditions, like depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and social anxiety disorder can make you more sensitive to fear and failure.
People pleasing: Having people-pleasing tendencies means you’re focused on always making others happy, even at the expense of your own well-being. Making mistakes or “letting others down” could make you feel anxious or ashamed.
Low self-esteem: If you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s easy to think every mistake proves you’re not good enough.
Lack of support: It’s hard to feel safe and accepted when you don’t have a strong support network. When you don’t have someone you trust to talk to, it’s easy to get caught in the anxiety-shame loop.
The care you need, when you need it
Learn how Rula can support your mental health journey
Recognizing shame-based anxiety
Shame and anxiety are closely linked and often reinforce each other. You may not even notice that shame is a part of your anxiety, but it can show up in how you think, act, and feel.
Some signs of shame-based anxiety to watch out for:
You overthink and replay your mistakes, finding it hard to let go of perceived failures.
You experience physical symptoms, like digestive issues or insomnia.
You feel like you’re never “good enough” and compare yourself to others.
You worry a lot about what others think and fear being judged.
You find yourself constantly apologizing — even for things that aren’t your fault.
You feel anxious when you need to ask for help, share your feelings, or be vulnerable.
You avoid risks or new things because you’re scared of failing, making a mistake, or looking bad.
You’re your own biggest critic, and you often harshly criticize yourself.
You may struggle to set boundaries and even lie to get out of things.
Different types of anxiety may interact with shame in different ways too. Here’s a breakdown of how different types of anxiety can be shaped or worsened by shame:
Social anxiety: You might feel afraid of how others see you. You may worry that they’ll judge, reject, or embarrass you. This can intensify your shame and make it hard to connect with others on a deeper level.
Generalized anxiety disorder (GAD): With GAD, you might feel ashamed because you can’t stop worrying about things that might seem silly or unrealistic.
Panic disorder: You might feel embarrassed or ashamed when you have panic attacks, especially in front of other people.
Health anxiety: You might feel ashamed for worrying so much about your health or for needing constant reassurance from doctors or other health professionals.
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD): You might feel ashamed because your unwanted thoughts and habits are hard to explain. Because people with OCD often feel they must control their thoughts or actions perfectly, this condition can increase anxiety and shame.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD): If you go through something traumatizing and develop PTSD, you might experience shame around your triggers or the memory of what happened.
The combination of shame and anxiety can take a toll on your well-being. Understanding how these feelings interact is the first step toward getting the support you need. A therapist can help you learn how to interrupt the anxiety-shame spiral and redirect your thoughts.
How to deal with shame, guilt, and anxiety
If you notice yourself falling into the anxiety-shame cycle, the first step is acknowledging what’s happening. This can help stop negative thoughts from spiraling out of control and making your anxiety even worse. Almost everyone will experience shame at some point in their lives. You can learn to respond to it in healthy ways — and support is available if you need it.
Try these tips to feel better and build confidence:
Be kind to yourself. Try to treat yourself the same way you’d treat a good friend. When you practice self-compassion, you stop being so hard on yourself and give yourself a chance to heal.
Notice what triggers your feelings. Shame and anxiety often show up after certain triggers, like being criticized or making a mistake. Once you understand your triggers, you can be more equipped to navigate them when they arise.
Practice calming skills. With tools like deep breathing, journaling, or mindfulness, you can stay grounded when you feel overwhelmed.
Challenge negative thoughts. When your inner critic gets too harsh, you can ask yourself, “Is this thought true? Is it helpful right now or will it make me feel worse?” Then, you can try to replace negative thoughts with kinder ones.
Celebrate progress. Getting past shame and anxiety isn’t easy, so give yourself credit for the small wins. If you make a mistake and you’re gentle on yourself afterward, that’s a big step. Notice those moments, and be proud of yourself.
Seek support. You don’t have to deal with anxiety and shame alone. Talking to someone you trust, like a good friend, family member, teacher, or therapist, can help you feel empowered and less alone.
Many people think shame is a personal flaw to hide. In truth, shame is a protective emotion and avoiding it only fuels anxious thoughts. Therapy can help reduce and stop this cycle.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
Find care with Rula
If you’re stuck in a cycle of anxiety and shame, it’s possible to break free with the right support. A therapist can help you identify anxiety triggers and teach healthy ways to cope. This can include challenging negative thought patterns that keep you feeling stuck.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Linda Childers
Linda is an award-winning medical writer with experience writing for major media outlets, health companies, hospitals, and both consumer and trade print and digital outlets.
Her articles have appeared in the Washington Post, USA Today, WebMD, AARP, Brain+Life, HealthyWomen.org, The Rheumatologist, California Health Report, Everyday Health, HealthCentral, and many other media outlets.
While juggling the responsibilities of being part of the “sandwich generation” and caring for both her toddler son and terminally ill mother, a nurse friend encouraged her to seek therapy, which helped her to learn coping strategies and manage her depression. Linda hopes her work will help to destigmatize mental health conditions and encourage others to get the help they need.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
Rula's editorial process
Rula's editorial team is on a mission to make science-backed mental health insights accessible and practical for every person seeking to better understand or improve mental wellness.
Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
