Burnout and depression are more common among single parents than married parents.
Being solely responsible for the mental load, financial obligations, and household chores can increase mental distress for single moms and dads.
If you’re a single parent, it’s important to take steps to protect your mental well-being. That may include professional support, like therapy.
Whether you’re parenting solo or sharing custody, it isn’t easy being a single parent. Not having someone to share parenting tasks with often means that everything your child needs falls on your plate.
Even if you’re fortunate enough to have a strong support system, single parenthood brings significant stress. Research shows that this challenge is especially burdensome for single mothers, who are twice as likely to experience depression [1] as married mothers.
If you’re struggling to keep pace with modern parenthood, please know that you’re not alone. Many single parents experience burnout [2] and depression [1], but you can take steps to bring more balance to your family’s life. Learning more about parental stress, burnout, and mental health can help you know when to seek support.
Signs and symptoms of single-parent burnout
Burnout can increase your risk of developing depression. However, on its own, single-parent stress or burnout isn’t an official mental health condition. These terms refer to a pattern of challenges that many single parents face. That said, stress and burnout can show up differently from one parent to the next.
If you’re noticing any of these symptoms [3], it could be a sign to ask for help:
Irritability: You love your kids more than anything. But lately, you’re losing patience with them. You find yourself snapping at them or getting angry quickly.
Fatigue: You start the day exhausted and stay that way. Sleep doesn’t seem to restore you, and simple tasks can feel heavier than they used to.
Memory problems: You’ve been forgetting things more than usual, and it feels like you can’t keep up. Sometimes, you can’t find the words to express yourself.
Emotional numbness: You’ve been less affectionate and present with your kids, and you haven’t wanted to be touched as much.
Guilt or shame: Right now, you aren’t the parent you want to be. You feel like you’re letting your kids down, and you feel ashamed.
Unhealthy coping behaviors: Once the kids are in bed, you drink a bottle of wine. Most days, it feels like the only escape you have.
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What adds to the mental load of parents
Burnout happens when someone is carrying more stress than they can manage, and they don’t have the resources to recharge. This can happen at work, in relationships, and when you’re the primary caregiver for kids or elderly relatives.
Here are some of the factors [3] that make burnout especially common among single parents:
Role permanence: Unlike job-related burnout, burnout from parenting might feel unavoidable. You might think, “I can quit a toxic job, but I’ll always be a parent.”
Financial insecurity: Raising children is expensive. Not having enough money to ensure their safety and security can be a massive source of stress.
Social isolation: Many parents lack access to “a village” for support. If they don’t have family members or friends to lean on, they may feel isolated.
Working outside the home: Often, single parents must work outside the home to support their children. However, research [4] shows that doing so makes primary caregivers four times as likely to experience mental distress.
Social media: Comparing yourself to other parents’ highlight reels that you see on social media might make you feel like you aren’t doing a good job.
Culture: Parents from individualistic cultures may experience a greater risk of burnout. These cultures tend to value perfectionism and competition over connection and community.
If you relate to any of these stressors, know that you’re not alone. Being a single parent can be challenging, but talking to a therapist can make a difference.
How depression impacts single parents
Without support, depression can have a serious impact on single parents and their kids.
Left unaddressed, depression can lead to [5]:
Overwhelming exhaustion related to parenting
Emotional distance between yourself and your children
A sense that you’re not effective in your role as a parent
In severe cases, depressed single parents may experience suicidal ideation.* They may also engage in harmful or neglectful behavior toward their children. So if you’re having thoughts like your kids might be better off without you, or thinking of harming others or yourself, know that help is available.
*A note on safety: You can contact the National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988 from any phone. Their counselors will provide confidential support and resources to help keep you safe.
Coping with stress as a single parent
Being a single parent is undoubtedly hard. But you can take steps to prioritize your mental health and prevent the most severe impacts of burnout.
Explore these tips [6] to get started:
Prioritize self-care. As a busy mom or dad, you’re probably always putting everyone else’s needs first. But taking good care of yourself can help relieve stress so you can be the parent your kids deserve. Sometimes, even a five-minute break all to yourself to do something small — like a brief meditation or a mindful cup of coffee — can help you recharge.
Practice self-compassion. You don’t have to be perfect to be a great mom or dad. It’s OK to pass on invitations or requests when you don’t have the time or energy to commit to them. And some days, maybe you won’t get to the laundry or the rest of your to-do list. What matters most is that your kids feel safe and loved.
Talk to other parents. All parents need support from people who understand what they’re going through. So see if you can join a parenting group in your community or online. You might get to learn how others have managed burnout and other helpful skills.
Ask for help. If burnout or depression are impacting your ability to function or care for yourself or your kids, one of the best things you can do is ask for help. There are mental health professionals who understand the unique struggles of being a single parent. They can provide a safe space to process your experiences and give you tools to help you cope.
If everything feels harder than it should and you’re constantly irritable or numb, that’s often burnout — not failure. When single parents get even small moments of support or rest, their capacity and patience usually come back.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Parenting alone is difficult. Single parenting can be even more challenging, as you might not have anyone to share the mental load, financial responsibilities, or household duties. This increases your risk for burnout and depression. Sometimes, seeking outside support can make a world of difference. If needed, therapy and psychiatric care can help you overcome burnout and depression so that you can be more patient and present with your children.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- Single parenthood and depression: A thorough review of current understanding https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11231931/
- Parental Burnout Around the Globe: a 42-Country Study https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s42761-020-00028-4
- The impact of parental burnout https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/10/cover-parental-burnout
- Behind closed doors: the surge in mental distress of parents https://melbourneinstitute.unimelb.edu.au/__data/assets/pdf_file/0011/3456866/ri2020n21.pdf
- Consequences of parental burnout: Its specific effect on child neglect and violence https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29604504/
- Pandemic Parenting: Examining the Epidemic of Working Parental Burnout and Strategies to Help https://wellness.osu.edu/sites/default/files/documents/2022/05/OCWO_ParentalBurnout_3674200_Report_FINAL.pdf
Liz Talago
Liz Talago, M.ed. is a mental health professional turned content writer and strategist based in the Detroit metro area. As an independent consultant for mental health organizations, Liz creates meaningful connections between brands and their audiences through strategic storytelling. Liz is known for championing diverse perspectives within the mental health industry and translating bold ideas into inspiring, affirming digital experiences.
In her free time, you can find her hiking with her two German Shepherds, puttering around her dahlia garden, or spending time with her family.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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