How therapy helps survivors of domestic violence recover

The effects of domestic violence can persist long after the abuse ends. It’s a form of trauma that can affect survivors’ physical, mental, and emotional well-being. If you’ve been harmed by a partner, spouse, or family member, know that you’re not alone and it’s not your fault. Domestic violence therapy is a form of counseling for people who have been harmed by someone they loved or trusted. 

Recovery from domestic violence isn’t just about physical safety or healing (although that can be a part of it). It’s about tending to emotional and psychological wounds too. No matter the type of abuse you endured, recovery is possible with the right support. Domestic violence therapy can help you process what happened, work through the effects of trauma, and reconnect your inner strength.

If you’re facing immediate safety concerns, contact the National Domestic Abuse Hotline Website, or call 800-799-SAFE (7233) for confidential assistance.

Who domestic violence therapy is right for

People seek domestic violence therapy for many reasons. It can be helpful for people who have survived physical abuse. But it’s also used to support survivors of psychological, emotional, financial, narcissistic, sexual abuse, and more.

Anyone whose well-being has been harmed by domestic violence deserves support. Therapy can be especially helpful for:

• Direct survivors (people of any age who witnessed or experienced abuse firsthand)

• Adults who witnessed domestic violence growing up

• Loved ones, partners, spouses, and family members of direct survivors

Unfortunately, some barriers prevent people from seeking help. Some people might worry about being taken seriously. One of the most harmful things about domestic abuse is that it can leave survivors questioning their reality. 

Perpetrators will often tell survivors that the abuse was somehow the survivor’s fault, wasn’t a big deal, or didn’t even happen. If any of this sounds familiar, remember that you don’t have to “prove” that the abuse happened to ask for help. A therapist will believe and validate you, no matter what type of abuse you experienced.

The benefits of domestic violence therapy

The benefit of domestic violence therapy is that it can provide a safe, confidential space to process the abuse and heal from its effects. A trauma-informed therapist can help you:

• View your abuser’s behavior in a different light and see that it’s not your fault

• Rebuild your self-image and self-esteem

• Learn what healthy relationship dynamics look like and how to spot “red flags” in the future

• Grieve the loss of a future and a relationship you no longer have

• Access resources to help you regain your independence (i.e. housing, financial assistance, job training, childcare, legal services, and more)

• Learn coping skills to manage stress and regulate your emotions

• Create a safety plan (if needed) to help you and your children escape your abuser

Therapy can also help survivors address the mental health conditions that often result from abuse. For example, survivors are at increased risk of mental health concerns, like:

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Substance use disorders (SUDs)

• Other stress-related conditions

What therapy for domestic violence can look like

Domestic violence therapy typically takes place in an individual or group setting.* Whether in one-on-one or group sessions, therapy can help break the cycle of isolation that often accompanies abuse. Providers who work with survivors use a wide variety of activities and interventions. But many rely on concepts of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). 

CBT is especially helpful for survivors because:

• It’s easily combined with trauma-informed principles, creating a safe therapeutic environment.  

• It directly addresses the negative thought patterns that domestic violence creates (i.e. “I must have done something to deserve this.”).

• It can help survivors replace unhelpful thoughts with positive ones (i.e. “I’m worthy of love and respect, and I don’t deserve to be harmed in any way.”).

• It can help teach coping skills like stress management or other tools for emotional regulation.

• It’s a proven method for addressing symptoms of trauma and PTSD.

Regardless of the therapy approach, you can expect domestic violence therapy to start with a foundation of trust. From there, you get to set the pace and determine some short- and long-term goals, with help from your therapist. You won’t have to share every memory of the abuse or talk about all of your experiences at once. 

As a survivor, you maintain control of the therapeutic process. In time, it can help you regain self-trust, recognize unhelpful patterns, and develop the skills and confidence to create healthy relationships in the future.

*Couples therapy isn’t recommended for abusive relationships and may pose a risk for survivors.

How to find a therapist who specializes in domestic violence

If you’re ready to seek support for yourself, your children, or both, here’s how to find a therapist who specializes in domestic violence:

• Start with the National Hotline. Visit www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-7233 anytime, 24/7 for free, confidential support. Its counselors can help you with immediate safety concerns as well as finding local resources.

• Consider your preferences. Finding a therapist who is a good fit for you is key to getting the best outcomes from treatment. Consider if you’d be most comfortable working with a therapist who shares your racial or cultural background, has similar life experiences, or offers specific styles of therapy.  

• Check credentials and experience. Try to choose a licensed provider who advertises trauma-informed care and has experience working with survivors of domestic violence. It may also be helpful to work with someone with expertise in PTSD.

• Schedule an appointment. During your first session with a new therapist, they’ll want to start getting to know your background and history. But this is a time for you to ask questions too. It’s OK to meet with a few different providers to find the right one for your needs.

Clinician’s take

Many survivors worry they won’t be believed or that the abuse wasn’t ‘bad enough’ to ask for help. I want you to know that your story matters, and you deserve support without judgment.

Brandy Chalmers, LPC

Clinical reviewer