Key Takeaways
- An open relationship is a form of ethical or consensual nonmonogamy. It involves forming intimate connections with others while maintaining honesty and trust with your primary partner.
- Open relationships can take many forms, like polyamory, in which people build romantic relationships or intimate relationships with multiple partners, or swinging, in which committed couples have casual sex with others, either individually or together.
- Research shows that 1 in 5 Americans have tried an open relationship at some point, and 34% of Americans say their ideal relationship would be something other than monogamy.
When you picture a romantic relationship, you might imagine being with just one special person. Yet all relationships don’t look the same. In recent years, a growing number of people have been exploring open relationships as a way to build connection, trust, and freedom with their partners. If you’ve been asking yourself, “Should I have an open relationship?” there are some questions you can reflect on to help you decide.
Open relationships go beyond sex. Some people want the opportunity to meet emotional or physical needs that one partner alone might not fulfill. Others see it as a chance to follow their attraction to different people and learn more about themselves in the process.
If the thought of an open relationship is of interest, you’re not alone. Research shows that 1 in 5 Americans have tried an open relationship at some point in their lives, and 34% of Americans say their ideal relationship would be something other than monogamy.
Nonmonogamous relationships aren’t for everyone, and choosing to be in one requires honesty, strong communication, and a solid foundation of trust between everyone involved.
If you’re trying to decide if an open relationship is right for you, a therapist can help you determine what feels right for you and offer guidance based on your values and needs.
1. Is an open relationship right for you?
If the thought of sharing your partner with someone else leaves you feeling sad, jealous, or insecure, an open relationship may not be right for you. And if your relationship is already struggling, involving other people likely won’t solve your problems. In fact, it might make things worse.
Deciding if an open relationship is right for you starts with being honest about your feelings, needs, desires, and motivations. It also means checking in with your partner to make sure you both feel secure, respected, and willing to communicate openly.
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2. Why do you want an open relationship?
If you’re curious about exploring an open relationship, start by getting clear on your intentions and motivations. Are you seeking sexual, emotional, or romantic connections that your partner supports but doesn’t feel pressured to fulfill alone? Are you craving the excitement of new experiences while still valuing the stability of your current relationship? Or maybe you’re interested in exploring more diverse relationship dynamics?
People who thrive in open relationships typically have strong communication skills. They’re able to talk openly about boundaries, feelings, and needs. They feel secure in their self-worth and in their partner’s love, which helps ease jealousy and fear. They also prioritize trust, honesty, and making sure everyone involved feels safe, heard, and valued.
3. What type of open relationship may be the right choice?
When you think of an open relationship, consider what that might look like for both you and your partner. Some people prefer keeping things casual, like having occasional flings. Others want the freedom to form deeper emotional or romantic connections with more than one person. It’s all about finding a relationship that feels good and respectful for both of you.
Before deciding on an open relationship, it’s a good idea for you and your partner to decide on what’s within your comfort level and what should and shouldn’t be allowed. For example, how much information do you want to share about encounters outside of your relationship? While some people want to know all the details, others feel more comfortable just knowing the basics, like who their partner is seeing and whether they plan to see them again.
4. How do you ask your partner for an open relationship?
Before asking your partner for an open relationship, take time to reflect on why you want to make the change and how it might affect your partner and current relationship. Be prepared with a list of questions you can discuss together.
Share why you’re interested, what it would mean to you, and reassure your partner that their feelings and comfort matter most. Focus on listening as much as talking, and be open to hearing “no” without applying pressure or judgment.
5. What if you want an open relationship and your partner doesn’t?
A strong relationship is built on mutual consent. If your partner doesn’t want an open relationship, it’s important to respect their feelings and listen to their perspective.
An open relationship should be something both partners truly want, not something one person feels pressured into. If you’re on different pages, talking with a therapist (either together or on your own) can help you figure out what you need to feel happy and fulfilled.
6. What are the pros of an open relationship?
According to research, people are just as happy in open relationships as they are in monogamous ones. The key to having a successful open relationship lies in applying the triple-C model of mutual consent, communication, and comfort.
The pros of being in an open relationship include emotional growth, deeper connections, and even friendships with their partner’s other partners. Many reports also cite lower jealousy, higher sexual fulfillment, greater relationship satisfaction, and a heightened sense of security as benefits of an open relationship.
7. What are the cons of an open relationship?
Potential cons of an open relationship include navigating the feelings of jealousy and insecurity that can naturally emerge. Societal stigma can also add pressure, making it harder for partners to feel accepted and supported — both by others and sometimes within themselves. Research shows that couples who have a supportive network of family and friends were better equipped to handle others’ negative views of open relationships.
8. How can a therapist help?
Therapy can be a safe space to explore your feelings, questions, and concerns about open relationships. A therapist who has experience working with nonmonogamous clients can help you understand your motivations, set healthy boundaries, work through fears like jealousy or insecurity, and strengthen communication with your partner. They can also help you determine whether an open relationship truly aligns with your values and needs. If you decide an open relationship isn’t right for you, a therapist can help you explore other ways to meet your emotional and intimacy needs.
You may be well suited for an open relationship if you value autonomy and are comfortable having honest, direct conversations about emotions and boundaries. If you trust your partner deeply and have a clear sense of your own needs, this dynamic might work well for you.
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If you and your partner are considering an open relationship, having a therapist who respects your relationship style is important. With the right support, you can strengthen your bonds, navigate challenges, and create healthier, more fulfilling connections with your partner.
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About the author
Linda Childers
Linda is an award-winning medical writer with experience writing for major media outlets, health companies, hospitals, and both consumer and trade print and digital outlets.
Her articles have appeared in the Washington Post, USA Today, WebMD, AARP, Brain+Life, HealthyWomen.org, The Rheumatologist, California Health Report, Everyday Health, HealthCentral, and many other media outlets.
While juggling the responsibilities of being part of the “sandwich generation” and caring for both her toddler son and terminally ill mother, a nurse friend encouraged her to seek therapy, which helped her to learn coping strategies and manage her depression. Linda hopes her work will help to destigmatize mental health conditions and encourage others to get the help they need.
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