Asexuality is both a sexual orientation and a spectrum. People who identify as asexual experience sexual attraction only in specific situations or never at all.
Demisexual, greysexual, and fraysexual are several identities on the asexual spectrum.
Therapy can help you understand your sexuality and romantic orientation. It can also help you learn how to focus on your general well-being.
Asexuality has become more common, or at least more commonly discussed, over the last several decades. People who identify as asexual, or ace, experience little to no sexual attraction to people of any gender. However, asexuality can be nuanced. Learning about the asexual spectrum can help you reflect on your attractions and how they influence your general lifestyle and well-being.
Understanding the asexuality spectrum
Asexual people experience little or no sexual attraction to others. Like other sexual orientations, it exists on a spectrum. Some people may never feel sexual attraction, while others may only feel it in specific situations — like after forming an emotional bond or only toward certain people.
Sexuality isn’t always fixed, and it can shift or evolve over time. That’s why some people feel more asexual during certain periods of their lives or identify with different terms on the spectrum at different times.
There’s no one right way to experience asexuality, and you don’t need to label yourself right away (or ever) if you’re unsure. But learning about the spectrum can help you better understand yourself.
The care you need, when you need it
Learn how Rula can support your mental health journey
Identities under the asexual umbrella
It’s natural to question your sexuality at some point. This might happen while you're a teenager or later in life. If you’re questioning your sexuality, this quiz can help you learn more about your feelings and attractions.
The asexual spectrum involves a broad range of relationships, desires, and sexual expressions. A few examples of identities that fall under the asexual umbrella include:
Asexual: You experience little or no sexual attraction to other people. You may choose to have sex, never have sex, or only have sex in certain circumstances.
Demisexual: You experience sexual attraction only after developing an emotional bond.
Greysexual: You identify somewhere between allosexual (someone who regularly experiences sexual attraction) and asexual. You might experience sexual attraction once in a while or experience it at a low level.
Fraysexual: You’re sexually attracted to people you don't know very well. However, that attraction may fade as you build an emotional connection.
Diverse romantic orientations that aces experience
Your sexual orientation describes if and how you experience sexual attraction. This is different from romantic orientation, which refers to your romantic attractions and desires. For example, if you’re romantically attracted to someone, you might want to hold their hand, cuddle with them, get to know them, and/or go on dates.
Many asexual people still experience romantic desire. In fact, around 74% report experiencing romantic attraction. However, some people, like those who identify as aromantic asexual (aroace), experience little or no sexual or romantic attraction to other people.
Other romantic orientations aces can experience include:
Biromantic: You’re capable of being romantically attracted to more than one gender.
Demiromantic: You experience romantic feelings only after developing an emotional bond.
Panromantic: You’re capable of being romantically attracted to people regardless of their gender.
Exploring your asexual identity with support
If you’re questioning your sexuality, consider speaking with someone you trust. This could be a friend, mentor, or someone in the ace community. You might also consider speaking with a mental health professional.
Therapy can offer a safe space to ask questions, reflect on your experiences, and discover more about yourself. It can show you how to set boundaries, improve your communication skills, and practice healthier coping mechanisms. When choosing a therapist, look for someone who specializes in LGBTQ+ care.
Self-care tips that can help as you explore your asexual identity include:
Taking your time: Self-discovery looks different for everyone — especially when it comes to sexuality. Show yourself compassion and patience as you reflect on your feelings and attractions.
Doing your research: Learning about the asexual spectrum can help you feel more confident in your sexual identity. Listen to podcasts, read books, or attend local events to learn about other people’s experiences.
Finding healthy outlets: Look for ways to process and express your feelings, like keeping a journal, making art, or spending time in nature.
If none of the labels feel like a perfect fit, ask yourself, ‘What feels true for me right now?’ You don’t need to have all the answers. Your identity can shift, and that’s OK.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
Find care with Rula
If you're on the ace spectrum, a therapist can help you explore your feelings in a safe, judgment-free space. While asexuality isn’t something to treat or cure, talk therapy can be an effective tool for learning more about yourself.
At Rula, we’re committed to delivering a comprehensive behavioral health experience that helps people feel seen and understood so they can get back to feeling their best.
Rula makes it easier to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who accepts your insurance so you don’t have to choose between affordable care and excellent care. With a diverse network of more than 15,000 providers, 24/7 crisis support, and appointments available as soon as tomorrow, we're here to help you make progress — wherever you are on your mental health journey.
Alex Bachert
Alex Bachert is a freelance copywriter and mental health advocate. Since earning her masters degree in public health, she has focused her career on creating informative content that empowers people to prioritize their health and well-being. Alex has partnered with organizations like Ro, WellTheory, and Firsthand, and her work has been recognized by the Digital Health Association.
When she’s not writing about mental health, Alex is usually playing pickleball, meeting with her local board of health, or enjoying time with her three kids.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
Rula's editorial process
Rula's editorial team is on a mission to make science-backed mental health insights accessible and practical for every person seeking to better understand or improve mental wellness.
Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
