Feeling unhappy or disconnected from your life is common. It’s possible to rebuild a sense of meaning and joy through practical steps.
Reconnecting with activities you enjoy, surrounding yourself with supportive people, remembering your values, and adopting healthier thinking patterns can improve how you feel.
If a mental health condition is contributing to your unhappiness, getting the right care can help you feel more grounded and better able to enjoy your life.
It’s human nature to want to be happy — whatever that means for us. But finding lasting happiness isn’t easy. Even if you haven’t experienced a particularly stressful life event, like a loss or a health diagnosis, you can still go through times where you feel apathetic and numb. You might start wondering how to be happy again — or if it’s even possible.
Finding happiness doesn’t mean you won’t experience unpleasant or painful emotions ever again. It’s about reconnecting with your purpose and the joy of being alive.
Here are some ways you can do that.
A note on safety: The 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline offers 24/7 confidential support through trained crisis counselors. If you or someone you care about is experiencing emotional distress, self-harm, or a suicidal crisis, please call or text 988. For life-threatening emergencies or immediate assistance, call 911.
1. Engage in enjoyable activities
Behavioral activation is a concept from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) that’s based on the idea that action often comes before emotions. In other words, you don’t need to be in the “right” mood to take action. Often, if you just take action first, you’ll naturally feel better afterward.
Use this concept to engage in activities you enjoy — even if they don’t necessarily feel like they’ll be enjoyable right now. What did you used to enjoy doing when you were happy? For example, you might decide to introduce some gentle movement into your routine or engage in a hobby you loved as a child.
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2. Build a community
Research shows [1] that people who have close relationships tend to live healthier, happier, and longer lives. It’s not about the number of friends you have but about how supported you feel [2] in your daily life. Social support can be especially important if you’re feeling unhappy because of a loss or chronic health condition.
Try to reach out more to the people who are already in your life. If you don’t feel close with them, think about what would be needed to deepen the relationship. You can also join groups either online or in your local community to form new friendships.
If you’re a spiritual person, religious groups and churches can be a good place to connect with others too. Research shows [3] that feeling loved by your god can help reduce the negative impacts of being socially isolated.
3. Exercise
Physical exercise is one of the best ways to immediately feel happier and boost your mood. One study [4] found that jogging for just 15 minutes or walking for an hour per day can significantly reduce your risk of depression. Studies [5] have also found that exercising regularly can make you more resilient against stress.
If you’re already feeling down, it can be hard to motivate yourself to exercise. Return to the concept of behavioral activation. Try exercising as an experiment, even if you don’t believe it’ll really help at first. You don’t need to commit to an hour at the gym every day. Just try to move your body as much as you can. It might be helpful to find a type of exercise that you enjoy, like dancing, yoga, or hiking.
4. Pay attention to your thoughts
According to CBT, the way we think affects the way we feel. Pay attention to the unconscious thoughts you have, especially when something upsetting happens. Are the thoughts always grounded in reality? Do they make you feel worse than you already do?
For example, let’s say your friend declines an invitation to hang out. You might have a thought like, “No one ever wants to spend time with me. I’m so unloved and worthless.” Try to challenge thoughts like these. Think about the evidence that shows you these thoughts aren’t true. Replace them with more helpful and accurate thoughts, like, “I’m sad that my friend can’t hang out today, but they’ve shown me in other ways that they care. This has nothing to do with my worth.”
5. Practice gratitude
Positive psychology research [6] has found that regularly and intentionally practicing gratitude is one of the most impactful ways to feel happier in everyday life. Practicing gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring the problems in your life or forcing yourself to feel grateful, even for things that bother you. It’s just about gently shifting your attention to the things that are going well for you.
You can practice gratitude in many ways. One of the most common ways is to keep a gratitude journal. Write down a few things each day that made you feel calm, safe, cared for, or simply OK — even if they’re small. Over time, this practice can make it easier to notice moments that bring you comfort or meaning.
6. Connect to your values
Purpose and meaning are important parts of a happy, fulfilled life. If you feel like you’ve become disconnected from your purpose, you might start to feel numb or apathetic. To find happiness again, it’s important to remember what really matters to you — and to build a life that’s aligned with those values.
Take some time to think about the values that you want to guide your life and decisions. Examples include honesty, creativity, connection, or growth. You might notice that you’ve drifted away from them without realizing it.
For example, you may feel stagnant at work and desire more professional development. You may consider speaking with your manager to share your desire to take on more projects or growth opportunities. You might also take classes or certification courses to advance your career. After making some changes to reflect your values, you may start feeling happier again.
7. Get mental health support
A mental health condition may be getting in the way of your happiness. Depression can lead to a low mood and fatigue almost every day — even if there’s nothing technically physically “wrong.” Anxiety can make daily life feel overwhelming and leave you constantly bracing for the worst.
It’s possible to be happy again while living with these conditions. Many people who live with depression and other conditions live happy and meaningful lives. Therapy can help you understand what’s affecting your mood and give you tools to feel more stable in your daily life. In some cases, medication can be a part of your treatment plan. Work with a mental health provider to create a care plan that works for you.
Feeling unhappy is a natural human signal, not a personal flaw. It usually means something in your life needs attention rather than something is wrong with you.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Clinical reviewer
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Even if things feel dark, know that it’s possible to feel happy again. Sometimes, just taking small steps — like practicing self-care, connecting with others, or practicing gratitude — can build happiness and meaning in your life. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help, either. Therapy can get to the root of your unhappiness and help you find a way forward.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- Social Support, Psychological Well-being, and Health Among the Elderly https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/03601270701700458?casa_token=qHv-Gf-cFicAAAAA:UZKAMnl2bPwB06bYPJQGSrnr7C9aTRz83xFubbbQTbS7IgKzBPGPAP_u69QCL1uXFmjW3c_u2Sn_
- The Relationship Between Social Support and Subjective Well-Being Across Age https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11205-013-0361-4
- Close social relationships and happiness in the United States: the moderating role of love by God https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12118353/
- Assessment of Bidirectional Relationships Between Physical Activity and Depression Among Adults https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/2720689
- Regular exercise is associated with emotional resilience to acute stress in healthy adults https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4013452/
- The effects of gratitude interventions: a systematic review and meta-analysis https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10393216/
Saya Des Marais
Saya graduated with her Master in Social Work (MSW) with a concentration in mental health from the University of Southern California in 2010. She formerly worked as a therapist and motivational interviewing trainer in community clinics, public schools, mental health startups, and more.
Her writing has been featured in FORTUNE, GoodRX, PsychCentral, and dozens of mental health apps and therapy websites. Through both her clinical work and her personal OCD diagnosis, she’s learned the importance of making empathetic and accurate mental health content available online.
She lives in Portland, Oregon but you can find her almost just as often in Mexico or in her birthplace, Tokyo.
Ashley Ayala, LMFT
Ashley is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in generational healing and family dynamics. Ashley has worked in schools, clinics, and in private practice. She believes that people’s relationships, including our relationship with ourselves, greatly shape our experiences in life.
Ashley is committed to empowering others to show up authentically and deepen their self understanding. This passion stems from taking a critical lens on her own life story and doing inner healing. One of her favorite quotes is “Be yourself and the right people will love the real you.”
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Members of Rula’s clinical leadership team and other expert providers contribute to all published content, offering guidance on themes and insights based on their firsthand experience in the field. Every piece of content is thoroughly reviewed by a clinician before publishing.
