Crying after sex is common and normal, and it can happen for emotional or physical reasons.
Strong feelings — including joy, vulnerability, or confusion — can lead to tears after intimacy.
If crying after sex causes distress, a therapist or physician can help you work through the underlying cause.
Sex can bring up a lot of powerful emotions. Crying after sex — sometimes called postcoital crying —- is common. Research shows that around 41% of people assigned male at birth [1] and 46% of people assigned female at birth [2] have experienced post-sex crying at least once in their lifetime.
Sex after crying can happen for a variety of reasons. The important thing is to remember that it’s nothing to be ashamed of. If you’re crying because of past trauma, physical discomfort, or another reason that causes you distress, talking to a therapist or a physician can help.
Explore these common reasons for crying after sex and what you can do about it.
1. Hormonal release
Many hormones are released in your body during sex. These include:
Oxytocin: The “love” hormone [3] that makes you feel more attached to your partner
Dopamine: A hormone that activates your brain’s reward system
Endorphins: “Feel-good” hormones that act as a natural painkiller and can make you feel euphoric
These hormones might create such a strong emotional reaction that you start crying. You might not be able to explain the reasoning behind your tears. You just feel emotional — and that’s completely normal after sex.
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2. Physical pain
Sex shouldn’t cause physical pain, but it sometimes does for a variety of reasons [4]. For example:
Not enough lubrication
Tension or nervousness
Health conditions like endometriosis
Irritation or infection of the genitals
Sometimes, you might cry because sex is physically painful. Crying could be due to the pain itself or because you’re frustrated that sex isn’t physically enjoyable. If sex is painful for you, ask your partner to stop.
If you feel like your sexual boundaries aren’t being respected, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673 for confidential support.
3. Shame or guilt
People can feel shame and guilt around sex for a variety of individual and cultural reasons.
For example, maybe one or both of you are in another committed relationship, and you cry because you feel guilty. People also feel cultural shame around sex in general [5] — especially in more conservative cultures.
Healthy sex doesn’t feel shameful. If you experience feelings of shame around sex (either with one particular partner or in general), a therapist can help.
4. Confusion about the relationship
You might also cry because sex brings up confusing feelings about the relationship you have with your partner. For example, you might have had sex with a longtime friend and wonder what this means for your relationship. Or you might feel that your partner isn’t as emotionally committed to the relationship as you are, which might make you feel sad.
5. Sexual trauma
If you’ve experienced sexual trauma, sex — even with partners who haven’t hurt you — can be incredibly scary. Even if your partner respects your boundaries, the act of sex itself can bring up memories and be retraumatizing, making you cry.
A trauma-informed therapist can help you understand these responses and learn ways to feel safer and more grounded during intimacy. You don’t have to face those feelings alone, and the right support can make sex feel less overwhelming over time.
6. Happiness
Crying after sex isn’t always related to a negative experience or challenging emotion. Sometimes, you might cry “tears of joy” after sex because you’re so happy.
Maybe you’re happy about the connection you’ve developed with your partner. Or it may have been a long time since you last had sex, and it feels like a relief. Either way, it’s completely OK to cry because you’re happy or simply because it’s pleasurable.
What you can do about crying after sex
You might not be sure why you’re crying after sex. Especially if it’s causing distress, it may be something you’d want to explore.
Consider these steps:
Identify the root cause(s). Did you cry because of emotional or physical reasons? Was there physical pain involved, or did you simply feel emotionally overwhelmed? It’s important to understand why you cried so you can take steps to address it if you need to.
Address problems, if there are any. Crying after sex doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a problem. But if something like physical pain or unresolved trauma is making you cry, you may want to bring it up to a doctor or therapist.
Understand that it’s normal. Crying after sex is common and normal. Almost half of people say they’ve cried after sex at least once. So try not to judge yourself for it and, instead, treat yourself with compassion.
Communicate with your partner. Your partner may be confused or worried if you cry after sex. If you’re already feeling ashamed or embarrassed about it, their reaction can make things worse. As much as you feel comfortable, explain to them why you’re crying. Remember it’s nothing to feel ashamed of, regardless of their reaction.
Talk to a therapist. If crying after sex happens often or makes intimacy stressful, a therapist can help you explore what’s going on and feel more at ease with sex again.
Many people are surprised to learn that crying after sex can come from emotional release — not sadness. It’s often tied to feeling safe, vulnerable, or deeply connected.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Clinical reviewer
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Crying after sex doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. In fact, it’s often a sign of how deeply you feel. If you want extra support understanding your reactions or healing from emotional or physical pain related to sex, a therapist can help. You deserve to feel comfortable and connected during intimacy.
At Rula, we’re here to help you feel better. Rula makes it easy to find a licensed therapist or psychiatric provider who takes your insurance. That way, you don’t have to choose between great care and a price you can afford.
Rula patients pay about $15 per session with insurance, and 93% say they feel better after getting care through Rula. We have 21,000+ providers, and appointments are available as soon as tomorrow. We’re here to help you take the next step — wherever you are in your mental health journey.
References
- Postcoital Dysphoria: Prevalence and Correlates Among Males https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/0092623X.2018.1488326
- Postcoital Dysphoria: Prevalence and Psychological Correlates https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4721025/
- Oxytocin: The love hormone https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/oxytocin-the-love-hormone
- Dyspareunia (Painful Intercourse) https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/12325-dyspareunia-painful-intercourse
- The effects of sexual shame, emotion regulation and gender on sexual desire https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10006235/
Saya Des Marais
Saya graduated with her Master in Social Work (MSW) with a concentration in mental health from the University of Southern California in 2010. She formerly worked as a therapist and motivational interviewing trainer in community clinics, public schools, mental health startups, and more.
Her writing has been featured in FORTUNE, GoodRX, PsychCentral, and dozens of mental health apps and therapy websites. Through both her clinical work and her personal OCD diagnosis, she’s learned the importance of making empathetic and accurate mental health content available online.
She lives in Portland, Oregon but you can find her almost just as often in Mexico or in her birthplace, Tokyo.
Brandy Chalmers, LPC
Having faced challenges like childhood abuse, neglect, and the loss of her father to suicide, Brandy Chalmers is deeply passionate about providing compassionate care. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Nationally Certified Counselor, and Registered Play Therapist with a Master’s Degree in Clinical Counseling and Marriage and Family Therapy.
Brandy also teaches at a university, sharing her expertise with future mental health professionals. With over a decade of experience in settings like inpatient care and private practice, she specializes in helping clients with perfectionism, trauma, personality disorders, eating disorders, and life changes.
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